A Life Of Love But With Out Lust

There lies misconceptions & undefined areas of a lustess but lovable marriage. Two are in it but the fire of passion doesnt some how seem to ignite. The slightest touch by a lovers hand doesn't seem to to ignite or spark the thrills that seem to send chills in romance novels.
Many an author has gone to illustrate the tricks to make the sparks fly, but wont you all agree that its only in the books & not in between the sheets.Two hands are needed to clap but mostly rings with a resounding unsatisfied thump.
jonnylong jonnylong
36-40, M
7 Responses May 9, 2012

I am terrified.....this site seriously contemplating whether I will end up here. The wedding date is in December. Seven months. She is an amazing woman and there is none other for me. We have very different sexual history's. I've done it all...she's done very little. I love a woman in nylons, lingerie and heels.....she like flannel and flip flops. She is completely and thoroughly blown away by our sex life......she bit me trying oral.....should I call this off? Is it that important? Bc as long as she's happy.....I've done everything I've ever wanted.

You might want to try posting this as a separate story. You two need to be having some long conversations. The marriage prep course that my new partner and I took had a unit on "sexual loving" that included a lot of questions to stimulate discussion. Oh, and if she's lacking in technique, she can learn. If she's lacking enthusiasm ... then there could be a problem. Keep reading here, keep posting here.

Just checked Jonny's profile - and I think he has some very specific "turn ons" in mind. Not necessarily the "run of the mill" ones that most of us are content with.<br />
NO criticism Jonny - each to their own. But I don't think you will find a lot of like minded folks here with whom to share your fantasies.<br />
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But then, what do I know??!!! Maybe you will be swamped with PMs. . .

Whenever one partner is only pasrticipating out of a sense of duty or in order to keep the peace, sparks will not fly. Any amount of rose petals, champagne, long langurous bubble baths, delicious dinners at a five star restaurant, scented candles (even bacon ones!) cannot induce that sense of connection and intimacy that inspires wonderful sex.

Mature adults know that real sex is NOT as represented in romance novels (or commercial **** and movies). Good sex starts in the mind and continues in the body, simple as that.<br />
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Ask yourself, are YOU having sex/making-love? … or are you “acting out” something you have read/viewed or worse, laying there expecting “it” to just happen?

Even sex without a lot of creativity or lust can be amazing if there's love, desire and passion. Sometimes desire is something you work up to. Not everyone feels desire before foreplay but most do during it. Sometimes you just have to start snuggling and the entwined limbs and hearts raise the desire to a boiling point. Not from a romance novel. That's from mylife experience.

Married sex is like stir-fry. <br />
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You steam the rice, and saute some veggies. If you put alot of thought and energy into it, sometimes it comes out like magic and is the tastiest thing ever. If you simply stir it up, it is still amazingly yummy. Whichever way you do it, the result is fun to eat and filling, if you eat enough of it. It can be a little different every time, but it is still stir fry. <br />
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I don't know many people who would rather starve than eat a decent stir fry. <br />
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Honestly I don't think sexlessness has anything to do with lack luster sex. I think it is psychologically damaged people who take it out on their spouse by refusing.

And you know what? I LOVE stir fry. It never gets old.

This is so true... I too, LOVE this analogy... and heartily agree with the last paragraph!

DW has a reasonable analogy between baked-beans-on-toast and a 5 course banquet.<br />
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I find that the mystery and magic comes unexpectedly, is not something to be forced or analysed.<br />
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And then, I loathe and despise some of the toxic and insidious effects that come out of romance novels, because I think the expectations they seem to engender are poisonous to real-life relationships, and I think (along with some of the women's mags), have been contributory in my SM. To be specific, that the only acceptable sex is when the moon is blue, orchestra playing, waves lapping softly on a tropical beach (where the sand - amazingly - doesn't seem to get anywhere awkward), and both passionately in the mood leading to simultaneous earth-shattering *******. But rarely to build up the narrative tension. <br />
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And if that wasn't going to happen, then no sex.<br />
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Again, to compare, I think the romantic fiction pulp can be as damaging as misuse of **** in a relationship.