It Is Better To Have Loved And Lost...

Seriously. Do you think it is better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all?

I think I am most resisting facing the truth of my marriage because then it means I've never had anything. I married my only lover. I had been propositioned plenty but waited. Then when I finally decided to jump in, well, got pregnant right away. Thought about it and did actually decide to get married without too much pressure from anyone. I was the one "in love" but now I look at all the years (25) and don't think he ever was "in love" and currently doubt he loves me at all now.

So. Would it have been better to never have married? If I admit now the whole thing was a mistake what does that say about ME? The crystal ball is out of order, I can't tell what may have happened if I had gone down a different road. I would have regretted an entire life without children, of that I am certain.

So, any who care to share, Do you regret getting married in the first place?
quieter quieter
46-50, F
7 Responses May 10, 2012

I wonder about the what if's too.<br />
I think marriage to anyone, no matter how ideal the match, has its challenges... and these are part of the reason for marrying, because facing and solving the issues is how we grow in maturity.<br />
For centuries marriages were arranged... people knew their expected roles and attempted to fulfill them... often in the process they grew to love each other.<br />
Remember that your husband equally chose to marry you, and is still there. There will be some significant reason for that.<br />
There's a book by David Shnarch, PhD, called Passionate Marriage. It has helped Ari and I a great deal, and I strongly recommend it. There's a few other good books too.

OP's question: Do you regret getting married in the first place?<br />
Yes! I have realized marriage is not for me. That's a little rare around here.

During my dysfunctional marriage, I eat a lot of **** sandwiches. Sometimes on white bread, other times multi-grain, sometimes cut into squares, other times triangles. Sometimes toasted. But no matter how they were dressed up, they were still **** sandwiches.<br />
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But, these circumstances all played their part in bringing me to where I am today.<br />
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And I like where I am today.<br />
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So the **** sandwiches were worth consuming.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I believe in that. I also believe in "you have never lived if you have never loved." I wouldn't want it any other way. Regrets are for those who constantly look back and wished and wondered the "what ifs". Make no mistake, there are times and places for that. But we shouldn't indulge ourselves too much in that.<br />
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I encourage everyone to look at the positives of even the worst of experiences. There is always something that can be gleened from them. Yes, even the worst and the most damaging ones. That's how each of us evolves into a better person of our own. That's called getting wiser.<br />
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Hang tight and be strong.

I don't regret a thing, people change we, we adapt to those changes or we move on, nothing stays the same and if it did, it would be a very boring world.<br />
I rather have loved and lost and have my heart broken in a million pieces,<br />
that to have never loved at all.

I regret loving the man I married. I hadn't been dx'd as bipolar when I met him, but it didn't take long for me to allow him to drive me crazy. I mean bonafide psychotic. Bipolars are supposed to avoid stress and his cheating, lying and deceptions caused me to snap. I know it was me and my fault, but I loved him so much I refused to give up on him. Now I'm old, sick and facing foreclosure shortly. He has moved on, living with a married woman who left her young son, so I guess they're a good pair. If I had bothered to check, I would have found out he had been married 5 times, each less than 2 years and he cheated on every one. I checked after he moved out. So, in this case, it would have been better if I had passed.

I also married my only lover. Was it a mistake? I still cant answer that question honestly. It would seem to be considering that we now liasm.