He Is Spying On Me!

There is definitely some type of GPS tracking device on my vehicle.  I thought my H tried to use a voice recorder to spy on me, but changed his mind because he found out it was illegal.  In any case, he is using a GPS now.  It is Not illegal to use a GPS on someone.  I have to tell you, I feel......violated. 

 Tomorrow, I am going to make some calls & see if I can find someone to help me locate it.  I can't even drive up to a dealership or repair shop because he will know I was there.  My guess is he had it hard wired into the vehicle when it went in for a repair a few weeks ago.  I am going to find it, document it, take pictures.  I am going to the police to give them a heads up, even though it is legal, so they have a record of my situation. Then, I am going to park my truck in a motel parking lot.  I will do this for a few days, if necessary.  I believe he will confront me the very first day, since this is the "proof" he is looking for.  I plan on calling the police at the first hint of a heated argument & have him escorted out of the house, because I "fear for my safety".  This will be my only chance at getting him out of the house.  And he NEEDS to get the f*** out of here!  I have been living like a virtual prisoner for awhile now.  I make phone calls away from my home or in my back yard ( in the rain), because I don't trust my H.  I don't know what else he has done.

My strategy might not work.  He may not say anything to me about the motel.  He may just label me as a **** to his friends. I really don't care what he says.  I figure it is worth a try.  He is just staying here to keep tabs on me & control me.  I am worried that he may freak out.  I don't want to wind up being another story in the newspaper about that "nice "couple . No one ever imagined that the H would kill his wife.

But I have to try this!  None of this is my style.  I am not into games.    I am so weary of these living conditions.  I am extremely depressed, sad.  I am also extremely angry!  What gives him the right to invade my personal space like this?!  It is none of his damn business WHAT I am doing or WHOM I am doing it with!  It makes him crazy not knowing what I do during the day.  He wants to get the play by play.  He feels it's his right to know what I am doing, I guess.  He perceives me as his property.  What kind of an *** would spy on his wife AFTER he has been served divorce papers?  It makes no sense!  He is not a rationale person.  I don't think he is dealing with a full deck.  And the stupid *** woman he confides in about this stuff is another loser!  If she cared at all about my H, as her boss, as a friend or whatever....wouldn't she discourage this unproductive, juvenile behavior? 
ANewLife4Me ANewLife4Me
46-50, F
15 Responses May 10, 2012

I would not play any types of games with him. Parking the car at a motel may **** him off or make him super angry. Angry men do stupid things... Why put yourself at risk? Get out as fast as you can! If I were you I would dissapear...and forget!!!

I suggest that you arrange for the presence of an ob<x>jective third party (not a friend or relative) to be presernt, and then confront your husband with your suspicions.<br />
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Don't say "I think. . " say "I know . . .".<br />
Ask Person 3 to take notes.<br />
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Be sure to act calmly rationally and without aggession yourself. If he denies the presence of any tracking advice, question him closely but do accept his word.<br />
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Tell him that you will provide him with a copy of the "minutes" of the meeting and will also be lodging a copy with your solicitor.<br />
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The ob<x>jective third party could be a neighbour you both respect; the father, sister, etc. of someone known to you both; a professional personal known to you both (doctor; police person; etc.). The point is that this third person must be respected by you both and seen not to be "in your camp".<br />
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What will all this achieve? Probably nothing!! But it will put him on notice, in the presence of someone else, that you are highly suspicious about his behaviour. And if, at the end, you acknowledge that you accept his statement that he is innocent, you have a two edged sword!! If he truly IS innocent, you cannot be said to be "neurotic". If he is NOT inncocent, you can prove he was lying.

Be careful he doesn't have a key logging program on your computer too.

what is that?

It's a program that records every keystroke and website you've been at on your computer. Passwords, user names can be obtained without the victim knowing.

If you suspect that it is a A GPS unit rather than any other means it will help to know that ANY GPS unit needs a clear line of sight, signal-wise to the actual satellite transmitting. That effectively means it cannot be shielded by anything that can block the satellite signal like steel. Apart from that most commercial GPS unit are self-contained as far as processing the signal is concerned or use something like bluetooth to transmit a short distance to, say, a PDA or a tablet computer. To do what you suspect would need another degree of technical sophistication in order to record the data or to transmit it over much greater distances. None of this means that it is not possible but I would also suggest considering whether there are simpler reasons for what appears to be happening. You have mentioned this issue before but you have never suggested why you believe he is spying on you? Could there be a simpler explanation like someone reporting back to him?

Glad to see you got some good practical input on this one....<br />
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I just wish you could slip the "grow up" pill in his morning coffee!

Go to the drug store and buy one of those cheap cell phones, LG something and pay as you go with NET10, keep it completely hidden. NEVER let him know you have it, put it in a tampon case or something else, he may tamper with your regular cell phone. Also, can you stay at someone else's house until the divorce is final? It sounds like you husband is coming apart at the seems, it happens all the time. Be careful!

If he did install a GPS and you find it, you might have some fun with him and put it on his car. That would drive him nuts thinking you were following him. LOL.

You do not need a vehicle GPS to monitor someone. I was monitored by my husband through the GPS system on my cell phone. It is actually illegal to use this but my husband is a manager for a cellular company so it was very easy for him. The cell towers "ping" exactly to your location. This is most oftentimes used by the police in a missing persons case. Is it possible he is using your cell phone?

cant you turn off the gps on a phone?

Oh, also, one more thing - <br />
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I said hang out at the gun store. Don't buy a gun. You might get pissed off and shoot him. Bad idea. <br />
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Also, if you have any firearms in the house, disable them. Take them apart if they can be taken apart. Get rid of all the bullets. Or better yet, get them any firearms out of the house, have a friend hold them, or pawn them off. <br />
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For myself, I locked up our handgun in a sturdy lock box and set a combination she did not know. It made me feel safer because I knew if she decided to kill me she'd have to surprise me or out muscle me...in other words, she could not just do it in a flash, she'd have to think about it and work hard to do it. <br />
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That said, I did not feel that she would try to off me. I just like to be careful in situations where my life might be at stake.

This turns on the legalistic side of my brain. <br />
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First - do not create a heated argument to have the cops remove him from your house. He probably also has a keylogger installed on your computer, and you have just typed in your plan. Do not proceed, it will bite you in the but. <br />
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Second - Is there going to be a battle for custody of children? Do you live in a no-fault state? <br />
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Third - How do you know he is tracking you? You didn't say. I'd imagine, if I were him, that I would not let that be known. That he let you know in some way suggest something, I just don't know what. <br />
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Fourth - DO NOT go park your car at a motel. Do not give him any reason to think you are having an affair - if for no other reason than to avoid ******* him off. Even if you are in a no fault state, he has the ability to draw out this process for quite a long time. <br />
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Options:<br />
1 - Do have the thing removed. Why fear him knowing that you found it? Hell, put the thing up on blocks and get under there yourself. Do it while he is in the house. Whatever, it does not matter. <br />
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2 - Let go of your feeling of being violated. I suspect the reason he is doing this is because he suspects you are having an affair, and he has good reason to think so. Once someone thinks they are being cheated on, they feel it is fully within their rights to investigate. I can't say I disagree. Granted it makes no sense in your circumstance...but that may be the reason. <br />
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3 - Before you have the gps removed, go to a gun store and buy a taser. If he notices where you are going, he might freak out and leave. Start hanging out at the gun store...yes, I like that idea. <br />
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4 - Once my wife and I didn't trust each other, we were both afraid of each other. I was scared she was going to stab me, she was afraid I would push her down the stairs. We both commented on it. I think it is a natural fear. If you have reason to believe he will hurt you, go stay somewhere else (but consult your lawyer first)<br />
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5 - It actually is his business what you are doing. You are still married. Divorce papers being served does not make you divorced. You are still his wife even if you don't feel like it. <br />
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6 - Search the internet for lawyers advice about dating while getting a divorce. Nearly all of them recommend you don't, even in no fault states.

super rational thinking going on there Filtermachine!

My understanding is that the GPS units are generally located underneath the car, and mounted magnetically. I would take a look under the car for something out of place, something that looks weird, and maybe is too clean to have been there very long. Also, I would think it would be within an arm's length of the outside edges of your car. If he installed it himself, he would not have wanted to get caught, and would have put it there in a hurry. <br />
You could always take it to a shop under the pretense of an oil change or leaky tire and check it out while it's up on the rack. A small family owned shop would be your best bet. <br />
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I hope this helps!<br />
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DB2

I think, perhaps, that he can't believe that you would leave him without someone to go to... and he needs that proof, to salve his ego. How much worse it is to have you divorce him purely to get him out of your life, rather than because someone else has swept you off your feet... stolen you away from him...

sounds like he has a kangeroo loose in the top padock ,stay safe and get rid of him asap

In my area I have a mobile car repair guy that comes to where I am for a service call of around $50 to do repairs while my car is parked somewhere. He doesn't have shop overhead so the labor is cheaper. Find someone like that to come find the GPS device for you - a mobile mechanic. Then implement your photos plan, make a report and park it at a motel, expensive hotel, near nice restaurants where you might go for a date... maybe in front of a Chippendales type club or a sex toy shop. You could have some fun with this. But first things first... mobile mechanic.

Are you living in an area where they have at fault Divorce Laws? If you are his spying might be ba<x>sed around this.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck