Looking For Validation

The thing about a sexless marriage that bothers me the most is not feeling/being wanted and desired as a woman.   We get along well and he is sweet and kind, compassionate but not passionate , there is little to no intimacy and we have never had sex and so there are no children. I do not much feel like a wife and I am not a mother, I am a phenomenal Aunt and that helps but how do I find the validation I feel like I am missing in the marriage.
gottaloveclassicmovies gottaloveclassicmovies
46-50, F
6 Responses May 11, 2012

I am so sorry for you ..I am in the same situation and the bad thing which makes us hesitate to leave is that our husbands are not bad men !<br />
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But ,I am going to talk to him as soon as I find a good job for myself and I am going to tell him " I need to have a husband and create a family with him "<br />
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I am sure this shocks him !<br />
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he is my husband ,but I have not felt that I have had a husband so far ...I just had a good roommate who was nice to me and it was because he tried his best to keep a long distance between us !<br />
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I might never ever want to meet another man ,but at least after I divorce him ,I won't suffer from waiting in bed alone for him ...I won't suffer from not having kids ,because i know I m single !

A marriage is validated by whatever you seek and by whatever you offer, or not.

A marriage is made up of two hearts not a piece of papet

you don't have kidz with this man so whats stopping you from leaving?

Well, I like the David Schnarch notion of seeking to be known rather than validated.<br />
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I do indeed get the problem with your own esteem, it has to be extraordinary to withstand the SM, and it's not a good thing to continue to do to yourself. Anyone who trots out that line "a refusal is not a rejection" - is in substantial danger of their wellbeing!<br />
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More generally, if the relationship ain't developing, and you're not getting what you want, you have a choice.

Have u discussed this with ur husband? If u feel like something is missing than ur probably right something is missing. Communication is the key.

We've talked and talked about it, we do communicate well for the most part , he doesn't understand the need to feel sexually desired because he has no sexual desires.