I Live In a Sexless Marriage
So many of you were kind enough to read and comment on my last story froma few days ago. I had finally told the H that I was not trying.
We were however civil, and he still said his goal was trying to be with me but he did not expect it.
Last night, I was texting back and forth with a male friend- this is my sometime hookup (BG: after 10 yrs of an SM, it's in my background story as well. H and I had NO sex for the first 6 yrs and I harassed, threatened begged, pleaded and made hi. Get medical help, emotional help to where we started having sex once every 5 months or so. Year 7 we had sex a few times, because we wanted a child. Year 8 we had sex Once, year 9 twice. This year I gave him an ultimatum, he tried, 5 times and it's too late for me. I resent him and he makes my skin crawl)
So, back to last night, I'm having a totally unrelated text argument with my friend and sometime hookup about appreciation. H does not know about the hookup, just that he is a friend. He found my text messages this morning and he hates me. Is it normal that this does not bother me? That what I like about this is that he will just move out now and drop the getting back together thing? That my only worry is to enforce not fighting in front of our child?
I know this is the perfect smoking gun to him: he can explain away our marriage not working to himself and everyone else as "she cheated" and never take responsibility. All our marriage, I have driven and fought for everything, he's been the passive, inactive one. I've been independent and borne it with as much grace as I can muster, to where no one ever knew we even had problems- and what angers me is that he will not accept responsibility even now for HIS problem. HE broke us, he wrecked our marriage, he nearly drove me to insanity and suicide, and he will now also escape taking any responsibility. I am so angry about this.
We were however civil, and he still said his goal was trying to be with me but he did not expect it.
Last night, I was texting back and forth with a male friend- this is my sometime hookup (BG: after 10 yrs of an SM, it's in my background story as well. H and I had NO sex for the first 6 yrs and I harassed, threatened begged, pleaded and made hi. Get medical help, emotional help to where we started having sex once every 5 months or so. Year 7 we had sex a few times, because we wanted a child. Year 8 we had sex Once, year 9 twice. This year I gave him an ultimatum, he tried, 5 times and it's too late for me. I resent him and he makes my skin crawl)
So, back to last night, I'm having a totally unrelated text argument with my friend and sometime hookup about appreciation. H does not know about the hookup, just that he is a friend. He found my text messages this morning and he hates me. Is it normal that this does not bother me? That what I like about this is that he will just move out now and drop the getting back together thing? That my only worry is to enforce not fighting in front of our child?
I know this is the perfect smoking gun to him: he can explain away our marriage not working to himself and everyone else as "she cheated" and never take responsibility. All our marriage, I have driven and fought for everything, he's been the passive, inactive one. I've been independent and borne it with as much grace as I can muster, to where no one ever knew we even had problems- and what angers me is that he will not accept responsibility even now for HIS problem. HE broke us, he wrecked our marriage, he nearly drove me to insanity and suicide, and he will now also escape taking any responsibility. I am so angry about this.
By:
Sillydaisy
Age:
31-35
,
Female
