Sex Talks And Rejections

I was just curious ~ why are we so afraid to have a sex talk with hubby. I find it mortifying. so instead of all out having a "talk" I have implied wanting sex, and "needing" things. but hes always tired from work or soccer or whatever. like my job isn't tiring. because I'm a housewife my work isn't hard, it just makes me "lucky" and "fortunate" which just makes me even more frustrated.

when i have implied or talked about sex rejection before, just in general, not specifically him, he just says something about you can't make a man want sex. lol. I mentioned one time I rejected him for sex (I had the flu) and he doesn't even remember it. He has jokingly complained thought that I don't initiate anymore. like he doesn't remember all of the rejections.

and my hubby is the type that whether its his way of showing mercy or getting out of sex, the smallest physical complaint, and "oh, I didn't touch you cuz I didn't want tot hurt you".

I have on the hand gotten better. i am happer because I am going to dance class. and the times when I'm able to go out 2x a week w/o kidz and NOT running errands, I feel REALLY good.

and I notice its better for me. my attitude has changed a bit but NO improvement whatsoever in my hubby or sex. its all me lol.

so i just resort to taking care of myself when i can since I know that he wont.
darktippedrose darktippedrose
31-35, F
7 Responses May 11, 2012

Dear lady,, you don't have any problems,, not big ones anyway, and those that do cross your path are dealt with,,as best your able.<br />
Sorry,,when I say " you don't have any problems", I mean you as a person,,there certainly are issues in your life that are a problem,.

i know what you mean. theres nothing wrong with me, but I ahve problems in my life.

From what I have read,, and that is all I really know about you, You are O.K. , your living in a messed up situation,, but you are coping with it as best you can, quite well I think. Those situations that you can deal with,,you have taken to hand and delt with smartly, you are not slow to take action.

the only reason that i am okay with it is, yes, I still do love him even though I don't think that he loves me as much, and can't love me the way I like, the more and more we're married the more I see autism and aspergers tratis in him. which might account for some of his coldness.

and I do realize that love isn't always enough. not eveyrone loves you the way you NEED love.

and i can't raise 3 kidz with autism all by myself.

sometimes it happens and to think that man always want sexy and more yummy so if ever you dont do to keep his junior hands up then no horny issues for sure but sometimes you need to give yourself a break and you know what i mean...

can you please explain. i understand the first part but not the second

What a tool this guy is. Don't beat yourself up on the why & why nots. I used to do the same. <br />
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In regards to the talk we all avoid it because the truth hurts. They either deny anything is wrong until you push them a bit too hard which they will then spurt out the truth quickly and swiftly like a knife through the heart, or they will turn the talk into a massive argument laying guilt trip upon guilt trip on to us in order to defelect the focus away from themselves and the question asked.<br />
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Either way the question we should all be asking is to our selves. How long are we prepared to keep taking this crap!<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

sex for him is a..... mind **** game ....<br />
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not intimacy....

Used to test you to see how long you could go without sex? Really!? Now that is something I could understand from a logical perspective but not from an emotional and compassionate perspective. In my naivety I would prefer to believe that people don't do that sort of thing towards one another because it is without dignity or self-respect. However, even allowing for how old I am I am never surprised, never.

yeah and he used to joke about it too lol

I think I know why. I had the same hesitations speaking to my wife. <br />
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It is because you are afraid he will tell you the truth.<br />
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The truth can be anything. Pick one out of this list...He does not desire you, does not want you, and loves you the way a child loves a pet, or the way a child loves an adult, or, worse, that you are a great roomate for him and also cheap daycare for his children, or he is cheating on you, or he is asexual. <br />
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Any of those sound like something you want to hear? Not me. I didn't want to tlak to her about it because I was afraid of what she would say.

I am amazed at how much this sounds like my life! If I try to talk to my wife directly about sex I accused of watching **** and all kinds of crap. So I drop hints, etc, and get nothing. She tells me that if I just did this or just did that. Almost 25 years later, no change. So I resort to alternate methods without actually physically cheating. I need a real change.