I Thought It Was Only Me Going Without

I have been married for 27 years and feel so so lonely - he has never been bothered about me - never touches / kisses me and oh god do I miss it..... we have sex about 4 times a YEAR!!!! so far this year it has been twice - which I have to iniatiate and I am totally fed up with this life but things are difficlut for me to get away from this ......... circumstances .......... I just want to be admired, touched, kissed and needed for what I have to offer...... don't suppose it will ever happen........ and, yes I thought it was only me that had this marriage of nothing!! It is hartwarming to know that I am not alone but it doesn't stop the ache I feel inside.......... thanks for sharing your feelings.
missbluebell missbluebell
56-60, F
7 Responses May 12, 2012

Your story made me feel so sad. It sounds like you have a marriage ba<x>sed on economic slavery rather than love, honor, (mutual) respect and obedience. Slavery has no moral basis in any authentic spirituality or religion or civil code. It sounds to me that you are stuck with a man who has absolutely no personal interest in you whatsoever simply because you have no independent financial means of escape. If this is the case the longer you wait to make a move the harder it will get. It seems that you have some difficult choices to make, whether to leave him and get a divorce or whether to stay married and look for intimacy somewhere else however risky that may be. It is not a solution I would like but it does work for some. Women have not been burnt at the stake for adultery in Britain for a few centuries now. Even if you decide to stay it won't hurt you to have some money of your own. One way or another you will need to think about this eventually. Even if you do nothing else you could start to plan for this now. Have you given any thought to work or business prospects that could give you an independent income?

Thank you all for your words of inspiraton, comfort and understanding - I am now 56 and feel life is passing me by - fast - many many years ago I got him to go to councelling but he told the councellor that all our problems and issues are in my head!!! So nothing changed - thing is I cannot instigate a divorce as I have no income of my own- I don't have a penny - I have no job and am not able to claim any benefits whatsoever - you see we went to live virtually on the other side of the world for 4.5 years and as I hadn't paid anything into the British system while we were away then I can't claim anythng at all - I do have 31 years of contributions into the system so will have enough - at the current level- for my old age pension - I have nowhere to go and besides that while we were abroad we rescued 4 dogs that were on the streets and made them well again and brought them back with us - they are my life and I cannot abandon them, so where would I go with 4 dogs - it is bad enough trying to get somewhere to rent without any pets - so you see I am stuck - and this alone makes my situation even more upsetting - at times I really do hate him and have tried to talk to him about how I feel but he says that I am just trying to cause a row - he once shouted at me, saying 'are you wanting me to give you absolution so you can go and have an affair?' I feel I have to go without it just as he doesn't want it - he has no interest whatsoever - thing is that when I look at him now I don't really want him anyway, anything I felt for him has gone, sad as I have so much to offer.... and the hoplessness of the situation just makes me so upset.

don't let his lack of passion or desire to touch you define who you are. You are far more than one person chooses to see in you~

So well said and true.

Welcome to the group. You are definitely not alone. *hugs*

Welcome to our forum. You are most definitely not alone. You will learn a lot on this Site, some that fits and some that doesn't, but all very educational. <br />
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I wish you peace as you go through a very difficult process of self discovery and life reassessment. <br />
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You're far from alone. Welcome to the club no one wishes to be a member of. The choices are few, but keep reading here, and it will give you perspective that might help you make some decisions about your situation.

You want to stop the ache? <br />
Get a divorce and start looking at other men or vice versa. Just get onto doing both!