Why I Hate Mother's Day

Hate Mother's Day? Wait, isn't that against the law or something?

Let me tell you why I hate Mother's Day...because it hurts. It hurts on a very deep level.

I have three amazing children. Healthy, happy, energetic, smart. Couple of skirmishes, but all in all, great kids:) They know my phrase by heart..."There is no force in nature stronger than the love of a mother for her child". On Mother's Day I celebrate the gift of their lives.

But I also feel deep pain because my H. rarely, rarely gave me any positive feedback as a woman let alone as the mother of our children. Oh yes, he went through the perfunctory gestures of cards, gifts, brunch. But never did he ever say 'you have done such a good job' or 'I really appreciate the sacrifices you have made' or even 'you really know how to pack a lunch' (lol). The closest we got was once when my son was a young teen and he was being a smartmouth, and my husband said 'Don't speak to your mother that way'. Yes, that was the one time he acknowledged my role as mother. Why do you think I remember it? It has been soul crushing. Perhaps it is a cosmic trade off that I had to forsake even the most basic appreciation from my husband in order to gain these 3 great children.

I would prefer if Mother's Day was wiped off the calendar and it could just be another day that I look at my three kids and thank God again for the beauty I have received in my life.
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7 Responses May 12, 2012

The lack of acknowledgment is a devaluing of you, a betrayal of sorts. Just another day in a dysfunctional marriage, but it hurts worse because everyone else seems to be enjoying a Hallmark moment.<br />
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Years ago when my mother was dying, I prepared to go see her at the hospital on Mother's Day. I asked my H to go along, but he refused. "I don't want to see her; I'd rather remember her as she was before she got sick," he said. As it turned out that was the day she died, with my father and I there beside her bed. She looked ill, and also incredibly beautiful. I was so glad I was there! Sometimes I pity my husband for not being able to feel that depth of love. It's like he's missing an essential part of being human and doesn't even know it.<br />
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Celebrate with your darling kids. They love you and you love them, and that's a gift that lasts forever. Bless you!

23AndDone, I understand exactly what you are feeling and am sorry you are experiencing this type of treatment. My H basically sat back and left me to raise our DD alone and believe me, DD noticed. However, I always enjoy Mother’s Day because I receive the most elaborate and beautiful hand-made gifts from DD … the kid is an amazing and imaginative artist.<br />
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Focus on enjoying your children and, always be in the moment with them because those moments are precious and passing.

You don't need your sexless spouse to tell you that you are a great mother. YOu have great kids and that is your achievement. Treat yourself for a job well done!!!

I am so sorry, I know you are a terrific Mom. I rediscovered 2 things recently that are comforting me. 1st, I alone can make myself happy. Depending on somebody else's appreciation or validation is the surest way to make myself unhappy though. 2nd you cannot fix him, or anyone else, you cannot force him to drink: you are an amazing, dutiful wife and mother, but if he cannot appreciate it,that is his problem, not yours. Spend your time instead finding things that fulfill you, energy on relationships that give you what you need. Staying out if duty and sacrificing yourself will only breed resentment in you, and make you bitter. You are better than that and deserve better after all your hard work.

I don't even get the card or the brunch or anything. He doesn't support my (very young) son in picking out some flowers for me or encouraging him to say 'Happy Mother's Day' or anything. When questioned about this: "You're not MY mother."<br />
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Yeah?, **** you, too.

elk, your H is sick, IMO... but then you know that.

Yep. He is. This year (we've already had Mothers' Day here in the UK). I asked to go down to a botanical gardens and he couldn't 'be ready' in time. I took my son out to get some lunch and to the playground by myself.

I truly understand your sentiments. I'd like to suggest a different perspective that may change your attitude. <br />
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Make Mother's Day exactly what you want it to be. If you wait for others to make plans and show their love, it's likely they will always fall short. Instead, make a decision about what you want to do and ask others to come along. If they do, fine. If they don't, fine. Regardless, you will have a great time because you're doing something you really want to do.<br />
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About 7 years ago, I decided I wanted to get out in the garden and plant flowers. I wanted people to want to help me, but that never happened. So one Mother's Day when my H asked "what would you like to do for Mother's Day?" I said, "Plant flowers and have everyone's help with no bitching or moaining." So now that is the tradition. We all get out in the garden and clean up and plant so we can enjoy it for the summer. Even if they didn't help me, I would still have a great day because it's what I want to do. It's kind of become a joke because the kids never really like to do this, but they do it because it's what I asked for. When my daughter went away to college, I called her and said "I'll bet you're sad to miss Mother's Day here!" and she said tongue in cheek, "Yeah Mom. I'm brokenhearted!" <br />
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Mother's Day is doing something you really want to do to reward yourself for all the hard work and love you've given your familly. Your H's lack of acknowledgement, does not diminsh what you know you've done. Your pain is a by-product of wishing him to behave differently and he won't unless he has an awakening of his own choosing.<br />
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Mom's who have wonderful children are a blessing to society! I wish you the best this Mother's Day.

Allow yourself the liberty of choosing what you want out of mothers day... And let it be known! For me, just being with with the kids is enough'