As I sit on my patio, sipping coffee and reading a book, I marvel at the calm of my being. Serenity, happiness, confidence. That is now my life.

I am alone. But, I am in no hurry. When I eventually find that person for me, he will behold a whole person, not a broken one.

I can't believe it has been almost 4 months now since I left him. Joy floods my soul. My daughter actually seems happier; my son got off his * and got a job, then a huge promotion and he was relocated, which confirms that I did the right thing for them both. My simple abode is spotless and peaceful. I don't regret leaving most of my "stuff" baggage or my large house.  Conversely, my former residence is a broken down mess. There is no food in "his" home, while my cupboards and fridge are overflowing, thankful that I work for a food company. My countenance has affected my job in a positive way and I have been given better opportunities. An "award winning" architect, "he" bums gas money off of me. For some odd reason, like always, "he" has no bills yet no money. I have never been late on a bill. Funny that I worried so, that friends told me I couldn't afford to live on my own, yet I have thrived financially...and of course, emotionally.

So, please listen...not to me, but to your heart, to the voice of God, and the voice of reason...

Love. Search your soul and move forward with love in your heart. Sit down and have a gentle talk with your spouse. Ask them if they are happy living like this. If you can work it out...please try. But, if you can honestly see no change, then find the courage to break away. Perfect love casts out all fear. Tell him/her you love them, but that you deserve to be happy. Stick as much emergency cash away as you can beforehand, that your conscience can justify. Decide what few items you cannot leave without and put those aside. Have a sweet chat with your kids. They already know. You know they do...but they want to hear it from you.

I still maintain a loving relationship with the father of my kids. We are dividing our property in a fair and loving way, with consideration. Yes, down the road it might get nasty...but, I am trying to maintain the high road. My son and daughter see how I act. I need to think of them. I need to set a good example. I am writing this to you, my beloved friends, to those I know that have been so supportive and understanding, and to those with whom I merely share a kinship with, because of our shared (in my case, former) misery.

I care.

...and so I once again write to tug at your heart and whisper....

imathinkin imathinkin
51-55, F
55 Responses May 14, 2012

Hi imathinkin. My wife and I broke up a year after our second child was born. I began to feel uneasy about the amount of time she was spending with someone else during the day while I was out at work. (Someone had to feed, clothe and house us even though she provided most of the child care). As soon as I expressed my feelings on the matter she got all huffy, moved out abruptly and in with him ON THE VERY SAME DAY. She has never to this day given me an explanation of what happened. As soon as our home was sold I gave her a fair share of it and paid generous child support until both of our kids finished school and moved out on their own. I did those things to be fair even though it was not a very amicable split. Australia where I live, now has pan- American no fault divorce laws. She had the right to take me to the family court and chose not to. I have been asked by friends how I managed to bring a less than honest and friendly partner to agree on terms of settlement. The answer is simple. Any competent legal advisor would have told her that she had nothing more to gain by going to court. Nothing beats fair and reasonable even in a tricky dispute. Perfect love casts out all fear, it's true. If your partner bluntly refuses the 'gentle talk' you owe them nothing more than a fair and reasonable separation. Actually you owe that to yourself and kids as well. The first time that she saw me with another woman she said she had been thinking of coming back. My immediate answer to them both was 'That is the first I have heard of it'. She never said it again. You can not have your cake and eat it too. These days I am travelling solo. There is peace of mind to be found in the knowledge that there is a perfect remedy for dealing with someone who will not be responsible or honest with you. Give them a fair and reasonable separation, the gift that goes on giving (ha)!

Thank you.

Very cool story!

This was beautiful; it touched me. I cried. Thank you. Much love and happiness to you, lovely friend.

I am currently in that cd ace that you left behind. Please tell me how to find the courage to make that final move. It's so hard and cold living like this, but the fear of the unknown is a big barrier to cross. How do I make that move?

I pray that I will have your grace and courage...


Great advice!
It has been some time since I read it the first time, but well worth the reread.

So beautifully written. I am very happy for you, and admire your gratitude: ).
At a low point currently in my relationship, your post has brightened my mood and cleared up my tears. Even though leaving is not an option, your writing has helped me recognize my own power in my happiness, and helped me see that I have many strengths and blessings within myself. Thanks again, and I wish all the best to you and your loved ones: )

That's beautiful! I moved out, but it only lasted for six months. I felt the exact same way! The peace was unbelievable - and reassuring that I had done the right thing. My children even told me I was doing great - which surprised me since my grown boys don't venture their opinion very often - they said they weren't worried about me, but were very worried about their dad. Alas, I had to move back in, as his attorney started making noise about how I could be 'abandoning assets'. Hopefully, this will be over soon.

that terrible that you had to move back in after being free for 6 months!!
that is my worst night mare come true, if I lose my job id have to move back in with the monster!

Pretty much same situation here,

I loved your post. I personally enjoy reading female writers because they tend to capture an accurate balance between emotions and action.

Thank you...that's sweet

I'm impressed with your sense of wholeness. If you could please, explain your path to this self-awareness in more detail?

1. Make a lot of mistakes.
2. Learn from them.

So, "experience is the greatest teacher, but the tuition is high?"

School of hard knocks...yes.

Or you could listen to others and learn from their mistakes. online course available, huh?

Would life be considered on online course? ;)

Maybe I should try to write up something step by step.

3 More Responses

wow, you are one incredible person! just reading this has made me relise how important life is! i senserly hope that one day you find that special someone that loves and respects you! just wow , just so moving! =)

That's very sweet of you to say...I hope so too. :)

Thank you for the inspiration! Thank you for the encouragement. oxox

Good for you imathinkin. You have began the first steps to gain your self worth back and will make you a better partner and know what you want from your next relationship.

Hmmm here we have another one of the entitled. Your poor husband has no food is his house and bums money off of you because you took all his money. Now you say you're all happy now. I would be to if I was allowed to rob someone blind and lounge around all rest of my life. You have no shame that the one you robbed was someone you committed the rest of your life to. But naaaa the heck with what's right, use our broken legal system to make a nice life for yourself. I don't know how you can stand yourself.

Entitled? "Poor" husband? I put him thru school, working full time. He spent my 401K and my savings...he borrowed money from my family members in secret, never paid them back... and they just informed me of are don't know the facts yet you falsely accuse me. i bailed him out financially over and over...he took all MY money! it's sad that you would judge someone based on what i suppose is your own situation. you owe me an apology. an idiot. Not a chance you actually READ the story before leaving your gibberish. Thank you imathinkin for your story!

Thanks. Some people are reactive and answer with obvious bias. I get that.

Obvious bias is one thing, but he evidently never learned how to read. Fortunately most of the people understand that ou not only took the high road initially, but continue to do so while jbo2157 will not even admit he was wrong.

1 More Response

I only hope and pray that I can be where you are! I am leaving this weekend and am very scared. I have never lived alone before much less with 3 teenagers. Thank you for all you have written it helps us who are moving forward.HAR

How's it going so far? it's been about 6 weeks now for you.

This was a great story! I loved it . I am so glad that you found peace in which could have been a very devastating , depressing emotional time.

Ironically, when you are making plans for the future and busy moving forward, you don't have time to be depressed or devastated over the past.

Certainly taking the high road and I wish you the best in the future. Sorry your marriage did not work out and I can tell you have learned a lot from it. Appreciate you sharing with the rest of us.

The view is better from the high road. :) I share because I care.

I need to follow your example -thanks for the inspiration Xxx

Oh my...that was beautiful.bayou seem like such a changed person now--for the better. Hopes and cheers to you and your family :D!

wonderful words on encouragement~ thank you so much~

This is real good stuff. Thanks for writing it.

Thank you for showing us... there is beauty, meaning and hope after the End.

actually, it's the beginning...

Inasmuch you may wish to apploud the adroit challenge you dared yourself to to take, I beg to cast anaspersion to your narration. To begin with, i see no insight to the nature of the woes that forced you to walk out of your matrimony. Secondly, we do not know the kind of relationshp that existed between the farther and the daughter. I can,t doubt it must have been cordial and blisful.despite the litle food put on thetable. And just imagine how sweet life would have been btn the two of yuu now.

Thank you!

Your story should be the poster story for anyone contemplating change in their life, for whatever reason. Your children are blessed to have you as their role model. I hope this is the beginning of the happiest chapter in your life ever! Thank you for sharing.

Kind words indeed.

thinking that i need to drag myself out of this- i feel so flat - not interested - all my friends are married so no one is up for any outings- but... i will drag myself out of this - ive suffered depression in the past - i will not let it take hold again - i will not ...........

You need to take certain precautions first. That's important. I'm not saying that everything needs to be perfect before you go, cuz it never will be...however, it's good to be realistic and do some planning. It's a little scary at times, financially, but I have never regretted my decision to leave.

I have always listened to my heart. Thank you for sharing such a strong story. I wish I had the courage you do. I have sat down with the man I am with now and just talked about some of our issues. We were able to work it out though. You're a very strong person.

so happy to hear it

i love this group i feel like i can hide and talk about my true feeling without putting a fake smile on my face thank u

There is the saying that "misery loves company"...but, I think it's better to gain insight from those not only going thru the storm and heavy fog, but especially from those who eventually reached the sun-kissed meadow. Alone, there is doubt. Collectively, we have the answers.

Great journey or you and amazing results. Happy for your decisive move and best to you in the future. Tough choices lead to peak or trough. You seem to have ended up urging the top of he wave.

I am very happy for you. I am glad there are other women like myself out there. I left 8 years ago and maintained a pleasant relationship with their father. No battle and left my stuff...I am living as myself now and its wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

Glad you got rid of the baggage.

Success is the best revenge!

You know it!

Ima, thanks for posting this wonderful story. It is inspiring, especially for those of us who are on the verge of taking the big leap. The spirit of your current mindset - calm, healthful, confident - all come through clearly. Best wishes goog forward. I hope I am not far behind.

What an inspirational story! Thanks for writing it.

An inspirational story and one that many here should most assuredly, with similar courage, certainly emulate in the future. I can only wish you the very best for you both you and yours in this new life.

Ima, you are courage, grace, compassion and wisdom personified. Thank you for your very very special story of hope, inspiration and joy.

So inspiring and I trust you will find the high road the best of journeys.

So wonderful to read this story. Congratulations on this new chapter in your life.

"Have a sweet chat with your kids. They already know. You know they do...but they want to hear it from you."<br />
<br />
Well said

Inspiring, not much else can describe this. I am envious in a hear that it "will all be ok" is motivation enough. Thank you VERY much for sharing this.

Gives me hope 💜

Thank you for taking the time to share this.

Ima, my know that my heart is filled with joy for you. You deserve've been through hell and back.<br />
<br />
Wow.<br />
<br />

Brilliant - I am so happy that you are happy - Go for it. When I first joined EP a couple of years ago - your postings were some of the first that really 'spoke' to me. I am so glad it has worked out for you.

Congratulations on your accomplishment. Your positive nature, strength, and clarity jump off the screen. Best of luck to you in your future endeavors!

Thank you for posting... wonderful & congratulations

lovely! so happy you had the courage! i can tell it was an awesome decision

thnx to sharing.

I have recently returned from my journey back to hell. I had a similar experience though I'm still trying to help the girl-child right herself. <br />
<br />
Many blessings!<br />
<br />
Princess RegainingSanity

Good for you and may you continue to prosper.

I wish I could rate this up X 100.

Thank you for this wonderful story. You are an inspiration!

That is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

This is beyond wonderful! I'm so happy for you, and so encouraged that I too will find a place of peace. Thank you for your caring heart and eloquence!

i think your words are really encouraging - but with me - i have no children - no brothers / sisters - i just feel alone - i try not to get scared of being alone - but it slowly creeps in

That's...stinkin thinkin. There is a quote that I love by Helen Keller: "I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do." Just do it.

Rated up! Best wishes on this new chapter in your life. Be well.