Meeting With Husband & Our Attorneys Tomorrow

Dear Friends,

Tomorrow is my first meeting with my H & our attorneys.  I have spent most of today with tears streaming down my face.  I am scared!   It has been another one of those lonely days when I really need someone to hug me & tell me everything will be alright.  Only no one is here.  I have a few friends & they are Very special to me.  But sometimes you just really need your Mom.....  I really need that unconditional love & support.  I never had a Father.  I imagine that a Dad would be good at a time like this too.  If there is a heaven,  I hope my Mom is watching out for me & my kids.

I have been so caught up in the daily drama with my H, ( all his spying, etc.) that I sometimes lose sight of the big picture.  The ultimate goal here is to be divorced with as little negative impact to the children as possible.  I am worried about the future.  Where will we live?   How am I going to handle it all?  I am scared for my children.  They truly love their Dad.  I hope they can forgive me for separating them from their Dad.  I hope I can forgive myself....
ANewLife4Me ANewLife4Me
46-50, F
12 Responses May 14, 2012

Lots of advise from experienced people. i hope you can feel much empathy from all. Perhaps the short run is going to be rough but you may want to consider it "regress for progress". Staying in a hopless relationship is far too damaging to all parties. Options that develope for you will someday carry you to the point of realizing how good a move you have chosen to make. My love to you!

It is in the walking through the fear that the greatest gains are made.<br />
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Fear is mostly of the unknown... and once you know your nemesis, it will be easier to deal with.<br />
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I know it's far away, and not your mom... but here is a very big hug... <br />
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Everything WILL BE okay... it really will... You will make it through this, and come out the other side armed with knowledge, and the self assurance gained from having done so.

This may reach you after your meeting, but it still applies. Trust your kids. They are smart and they are perceptive. They can learn that when you are presented with a situation that becomes intolerable for you, the thing to do is face it and address it. You are teaching them to face their problems and work them out or remove themselves from a circumstance that cannot be worked out. And you are also teaching them that you will remain their mother no matter what happens. Hopefully, they can get the message from you that their father is still their father no matter how your relationship with him evolves. What message they get from their father is his to give them - you cannot fix him, but you can encourage him to give them a healthy message. Then be willing to trust your kids.

It is too easy for me to say this but nevertheless I will. There is today and there is tomorrow. For the short-term concentrate on getting yourself through them. Rinse and repeat. Don't leave immediate problems alone but apart from that you can put others off for a while. Unless your husband is an absolute **** he is not going to make the children suffer in order to make you suffer. And similarly, unless you are a **** you won't either.<br />
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I know of two women who are divorced. One is intelligent and sane and rational, the other is a complete psycho. The former made it a regular requirement of her ex, who SHE divorced, to continue to be his children's father on a practical basis, taking them to sports training etc. The other, who's partner divorced her has reached the point where she forbids her teenage children to see their father despite court orders to the contrary. She refuses to allow them to visit relatives' homes and just barely allows them to meet cousins on neutral territory. It may be that she will succeed in poisoning the children against their father and all others that she has taken umbrage to, the whole world in fact. However, the likelihood is that longer term she will not and she will die a lonely psycho-*****, as the whole world that does not want to either literally or figuratively screw her turns it's back on her. As of now she can't see that and doesn't care anyway.<br />
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None of that sounds like you so you are not likely to get in that sort of difficulty, unless your husband gets ugly, really ugly. Don't give him any reason at all to do that. Make it as smooth and as amicable as you can from your perspective so that the rest is purely down to him. Make that his unambiguous responsibility, that is all you can do.<br />
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Have you as yet investigated what all the possible alternatives are for you over housing? If not, now is the time to be getting down to it. It may start off with being grim but it can only improve over time. Try to console yourself with that possibility.<br />
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And good luck!

When I read a post like this and the loving comments I see why people join, there is wonderful support here! It makes for a pocket full of hope....a pocket full of hope is when you feel despair coming on you put your hand in your pocket and remember these comments and all the other encouraging words anyone has sent you, if you need to, print them out and put the page in your pocket so you can read them. Sending you a hug.

What CWDYG said. <br />
And also: The lawyers' job is to make sure you each have the appropriate legal advice, and to make sure this process goes smoothly. They have done this a zillion times before; they are your professional support through this sad time. If you don't have close friends or family for personal support, consider hiring a counselor to talk things over with.

Keep walking. Its only fear. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is knowing it, feeling it...and going on regardless. Reclaim your life, reclaim your soul.

It will be hard for a little bit and then it will be amazing. Be strong, you can do it!

It is always darkest before the dawn. We are all pulling for you.

I want to tell you something here. Listen carefully.<br />
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You are going to be ok.<br />
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This is scary. It is terrifying. Getting through it will be one of the hardest things you will ever do. And on the other side of it you will have earned your way back to a healthier happier version of you who is attracting other people who have done hard work and earned their way to happiness. <br />
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Instead of staying with this guy who spends all his energy stalking you instead of taking care of your relationship. Think of what he is teaching your children about relationships... don't build and maintain them, just control them. That is no way to model relationships.<br />
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I've been there. I'm a bit beyond where you are now by a few months but I promise you that you will come through this so much more whole than you can imagine. I will be thinking of you tomorrow as you make this big step.

Thanks.. I am trying

I can't imagine the struggle you're going through. But you are so strong still. *hugs*