What Makes The Marriage A Marriage?

Several people have mentioned in comments that I am not really married ...is that because the marriage was never consummated?
 I would need a divorce to dissolve the marriage legally.

Does saying marriage vows and signing a marriage license bind you together
in the eyes of God and Man or is it just legally binding?

When ARE you truly married?
Is it as soon as you make the vows to one another and say I do?
Is it when the marriage officiator pronounces you man and wife?
Is it when you sign the license?
Is it when the marriage is consummated?
If you are married but have never consummated the marriage ,are you married?

Has it nothing to do with law but with living together daily sharing a life?

If two people commit to one another for life
without the benefit of church and law are they married?

What is a marriage?
gottaloveclassicmovies gottaloveclassicmovies
46-50, F
May 17, 2012

You landed here....that you typed certain words in order into a search engine and landed here means you are discovering quite a bit about what a marriage is NOT.<br />
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The signed ink on the legal bit of paper is the bit that truly says you are in a marriage. It is what happens within that defines if you are married or "tied. I suggest if you fee tied that you look to improve that in yourself that you can, and find the actual answer to the question...."what can you live with?" (where live is defined not as existence wherein you meet only the clinical definition of alive, but rather where YOU actually feel alive.)

You enjoy your life with your husband. You don't want to leave him. You have a sex partner and you are satisfied. <br />
And yet, here you are, looking for support. <br />
Why? That is the real question here. <br />
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What is marriage? It is whatever you define it as.

I do not know anyone else in my shoes in my off line life so I wanted people with in a similar situation to communicate with.

If anyone wants an interesting browse through the history of marriage, try Elizabeth Gilbert's book "Committed". <br />
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In the meantime, I recommend you find a lawyer and investigate that annullment/divorce per what WarriorPoett said, above.

I will read the book, it sounds interesting!

A marriage is whatever YOU define it to be. (Jurisdiction dependent)<br />
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It is invariably the adjective used in conjuction with the word that gives it its' true meaning.<br />
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Example - "dysfunctional" marriage.<br />
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Tread your own path.<br />
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PS - incidently, you can **** about on these esoteric concepts for ages as a coping technique, but it does keep you absent from the main issue.

I am not sure I understand the PS, I am a shallow sort and may need it simplified :-)

Your story(s) all point to a dysfunctional marriage, which, sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with. You can delay the "sooner" by a method of chasing abstract concepts - such as 'what is a marriage' - as a distractive technique. To delay dealing with the difficult choices that will be your lot when you get around to the core issue. There would hardly be a person on this board who has not done the exact same thing. But it is very unproductive.

Thank you ,I see what you are saying. Yes it is dysfunctional,no question about that, I do deal with it, I see a counselor, I joined this forum to work through my thoughts and connect with other people in similar situations . I made my choice to stay married and have a sex partner except that it seems that some believe I am not married so I wondered about that. If posting questions and wanting to know how other people think about a question i have is unproductive, what is productive and is there a more productive use of this forum? Maybe I just do not get it yet.