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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

What Makes The Marriage A Marriage?

By: gottaloveclassicmovies
Written on May 17th, 2012
Several people have mentioned in comments that I am not really married ...is that because the marriage was never consummated?
 I would need a divorce to dissolve the marriage legally.

Does saying marriage vows and signing a marriage license bind you together
in the eyes of God and Man or is it just legally binding?

When ARE you truly married?
Is it as soon as you make the vows to one another and say I do?
Is it when the marriage officiator pronounces you man and wife?
Is it when you sign the license?
Is it when the marriage is consummated?
If you are married but have never consummated the marriage ,are you married?

Has it nothing to do with law but with living together daily sharing a life?

If two people commit to one another for life
without the benefit of church and law are they married?

What is a marriage?
By: gottaloveclassicmovies
Age: 46-50 , Female
569 people have read this story

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16 responses
  • Wolfy1
    Wolfy1

    You landed here....that you typed certain words in order into a search engine and landed here means you are discovering quite a bit about what a marriage is NOT.



    The signed ink on the legal bit of paper is the bit that truly says you are in a marriage. It is what happens within that defines if you are married or "tied. I suggest if you fee tied that you look to improve that in yourself that you can, and find the actual answer to the question...."what can you live with?" (where live is defined not as existence wherein you meet only the clinical definition of alive, but rather where YOU actually feel alive.)

    May 18, 2012
    1 like
  • eternalhope
    eternalhope

    You enjoy your life with your husband. You don't want to leave him. You have a sex partner and you are satisfied.

    And yet, here you are, looking for support.

    Why? That is the real question here.



    What is marriage? It is whatever you define it as.

    May 17, 2012
    1 like
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      I do not know anyone else in my shoes in my off line life so I wanted people with in a similar situation to communicate with.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
  • Warriorpoett
    Warriorpoett

    You are only legally married but what is the point in that unless you are just using it to have a place to live and accumulate things. If you don't have a married relationship again what is the point? If you are going elsewhere to satisfy your sexual needs then you are for all intents and purposes in an open marriage that has never been consummated. Much like a gay man that marries a woman for cover then allows her to run free. If that's working for you then I don't see any issue but why are you here? That's what I'm wondering because apparently you have worked it out to where things are as you want them. Whether you are considered married by legal definition or not really makes no difference. You have the paper which will make you legally wife for insurance and other legal purposes regardless of your sex status. You are 100% legally married until you decide differently you know that you have the easy out of annulment available any time that you want it. So it looks like everything is pretty much up to you about whether you want to be married or not. If you don't then you are quickly and easily out of there legally with only the hassle of dividing whatever joint property you have accumulated.

    May 17, 2012
    2 likes
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      We own a business together and enjoy working together, he is my favorite person to be with and we share family, I like everything we have, it is what we do not have that I miss.
      Why am I here, where? On this board?
      Is this board for only if you are in a sexless marriage and do not know what you want?
      I was looking for people who were in a similar situation as mine whom I could talk to, no one in my life but my mom knows my situation. Am I in the wrong group?

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    • FilteringMachine
      FilteringMachine

      Nope. But realize that most people here are looking for the courage to leave...and we help them find that courage.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      That is good to know,I did not know that. I just thought it was a support group for people in a sexless marriage.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    • Chai07
      Chai07

      "I just thought it was a support group for people in a sexless marriage". Yes, it is. And different people have different goals here. Some people hope to "fix" their marriages. Some wish to stay in their marriages, at least until their children leave home. Some people wish to leave, and need courage to do so. Some of us have left our marriages, and we stick around for a while to provide support to others in the process.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    1 More Reply
  • Chai07
    Chai07

    If anyone wants an interesting browse through the history of marriage, try Elizabeth Gilbert's book "Committed".



    In the meantime, I recommend you find a lawyer and investigate that annullment/divorce per what WarriorPoett said, above.

    May 17, 2012
    1 like
  • Warriorpoett
    Warriorpoett

    Marriage is a legally invented concept invented to insure inheritance of property. The lawyers and the priests are the ones who came up with this. If you've never had sex with the person you have supposedly married then in most states the marriage can be annulled which makes it as if it never happened. However if you have lived together for a period of time and acquired joint property you will still need to do a property settlement to divide joint property. If you can't come to a civil agreement on that then you will need to go through a standard divorce proceeding with lawyers and have an adversarial confrontation to decide who gets what.

    May 17, 2012
    2 likes
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      I looked at the laws for my state and see that it can be annulled legally if it was not consummated.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    A marriage is whatever YOU define it to be. (Jurisdiction dependent)



    It is invariably the adjective used in conjuction with the word that gives it its' true meaning.



    Example - "dysfunctional" marriage.



    Tread your own path.



    PS - incidently, you can **** about on these esoteric concepts for ages as a coping technique, but it does keep you absent from the main issue.

    May 17, 2012
    2 likes
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      I am not sure I understand the PS, I am a shallow sort and may need it simplified :-)

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    • bazzar
      bazzar

      Your story(s) all point to a dysfunctional marriage, which, sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with. You can delay the "sooner" by a method of chasing abstract concepts - such as 'what is a marriage' - as a distractive technique. To delay dealing with the difficult choices that will be your lot when you get around to the core issue. There would hardly be a person on this board who has not done the exact same thing. But it is very unproductive.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like
    • gottaloveclassicmovies
      gottaloveclassicmovies

      Thank you ,I see what you are saying. Yes it is dysfunctional,no question about that, I do deal with it, I see a counselor, I joined this forum to work through my thoughts and connect with other people in similar situations . I made my choice to stay married and have a sex partner except that it seems that some believe I am not married so I wondered about that. If posting questions and wanting to know how other people think about a question i have is unproductive, what is productive and is there a more productive use of this forum? Maybe I just do not get it yet.

      May 17, 2012
      1 like