Kiss Some Frogs

Vintage Fyayldt

It's very easy to get excited when you think you've connected with someone that may be able to provide everything that your sexless marriage didn't. It's easy to get carried away with it but somehow we seem to lose our good sense about how to proceed with these things. Meeting someone on the internet is a marvelous way to begin a relationship as long as you are realistic and keep your head working. But making big plans for a future before you even meet face to face for the first time is totally unrealistic. No matter how good our technology is and how much we chatter across the internet there are some things that you can only learn by meeting face to face.

The subtlety of body language is lost in the electronics and there are many things that we need to know about someone before we clasp hands on a done deal. It takes time to get it right and a great deal of exploration to establish the give and take of a solid relationship and there must be a physical component in the process. Skipping these steps leaves us open to huge disappointments and even more emotional damage than we have already received. Sure we have all read stories here about people that just instantly clicked and perhaps that does happen but it's not commonplace. For most of us the face to face is a critical step that must be part of the process, otherwise you may be fooling yourself into falling for a dream that can never match up with the reality.

Many of us have lived in emotional wastelands for so long that even the tiniest drop of kindness seems like a deluge because our sense of perspective has been altered by our sexless marriage. But going to full love battle stations without ever meeting your partner to be in the flesh is almost a certain way to both disappoint yourself and further damage what little self confidence you have left. Ladies and gentlemen I'm all for love and happiness, I think it's the best we can aspire to as humans. But completely throwing all caution to the wind is a danger you can avoid with just some common sense.


1. It's a very good thing when you meet someone online that seems to match up well with you.


2. But be prepared to invest some time and effort in getting to know each other, after all many of us went off half cocked and married the dummies we are leaving behind now. So a little prudence is in order.


3. Meeting face to face is a must before making any life changing commitments, this key step will tell you a lot that you can't get over the internet. It's OK to use it as a tool to get acquainted but looking into someone's eyes and feeling how they hug you can make a huge difference in the future of a relationship. 


4. Realize that you are susceptible to over value a new relationship because effectively you are on the rebound from a bad one. Jumping from the frying pan into the fire isn't exactly the brightest move we can make.


5. Don't build up too many expectations before you have the first meeting, be prepared to walk away if you need too because not everyone will be right for you and jumping at the first thing that comes along is almost a guarantee of more heartache ahead.


6. If it clicks have a wonderful time with it but be prepared to do the work that's required to build a relationship, after all that's what we are running away from, partners that wouldn't do the necessary work. Having a bit of skepticism going on isn't necessarily a bad thing because it can help you make better decisions than you might if you are totally fogged by the chemistry our brain throws at us when we get our love button engaged.


For most people falling in love is a great thing but it makes us very vulnerable and truly having some caution going on before you give your heart away may be your only chance to save yourself from yet another disaster. Wanting a new fulfilling relationship is a natural consequence of being emotionally starved but you have to exercise some good sense about things if you want something that's going to last and be a growing thing rather than just your next trip down misery lane.

None of us are perfect and once we get past that and take a look with our eyes instead of our hearts we may find that this new relationship isn't what we need after all getting that lucky the first time you meet someone happens mostly in fairy tales. So be prepared to meet some people and you may end up kissing quite a few frogs before you find your Prince or Princess but making the effort will give you a much better chance in the long run.

Excerpt from the book Sexless Marriages and Other Relationship Disasters 3 by WarriorPoett (David Schreiner) Copyright 7-20-2013

 Which is available in soft cover at: 

This book is also available on Kindle and other electronic readers I'm pretty sure you can also download a free reader from Amazon that will also let you read it on your cell phone

Amazon will give you a free reader for Kindle books that you can use to read them on your PC or laptop. It is called Kindle for PC and is available as a free software download from Amazon.

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1 Response May 18, 2012

I'd be curious to hear other people's experiences in this regard.