Looking For Some Words !

Please help me find some words to call him ...words that he deserves to be titled :

for somebody like him that :

Nothing bothers him in his life , They killed our child at the hospital ,all nurses , and even my baby's specialist advised us to talk to a lawyer and complain about my baby's wrongful death and my husband did not even bother to write a letter to chief of staff at the hospital.
He is kind of dead ...when it comes to defend his rights and his family's rights .

18 months has passed and he has not even talked to me about our baby's death !!!! some how nothing has happened an we never had any baby !!

The landlord cheated and stole our money ...but he was fine with that and never complained .
The company cheated and cut his pay right after we made a move for 5000 KM across canada ,and he did not bother to complain .

His sister cheated ,borrowed 12,000 $ from us and spent the money in disney land ,while I had to wash dishes for a while when I was pregnant , and he did not bother to ask for a part of it at least .

4 years I have been living with him , he did not spent 4 minutes with me talking about our future ...plans , goals ...
so I never found out who I was in his life .

I am going to talk to him ,and then walk away ...but I need some words that suits him !
Thanks
betrayed73 betrayed73
36-40, F
11 Responses May 18, 2012

Should I assume he was always this way, or that the loss of the child destroyed him? I knew a man who went batshit postal after losing a child and assaulted my father for trying to convince him to take his meds. Complete emotional death may be the opposite extreme.

No , He was like that since day 1 !

When words are being sought to insult than you really know that life is not good at the moment. Things said now cannot be taken back later. But if things are the way you describe them i'll give you my two words that worked a treat and obviously beffitting of your husband as well.<br />
<br />
Mental Midget! Thats what i used to call my wife. It describes and fits a whole lot of areas so there is no mistaking what you think of them and their capacity in life.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck

"Ghost".<br />
<br />
He doesn't interact with this physical world you and I live in.<br />
Here's here, but nothing affects him.<br />
<br />
Too much pain? Or none at all? <br />
Was there ever pain? Did he grow immune or never felt it?<br />
You can envy that even as you hate it.

This must be a very scary time. <br />
<br />
Try to stay strong and calm.

I know the pain of losing a child. I am sorry for your loss, and that you had to endure it alone. He is not providing you the support you need and deserve. <br />
<br />
You are wanting to feel supported, defended, and you want to be a priority. He is apparently not able to give you these things, for whatever reason. He just cant give what he doesn't have, and he will never be able to. <br />
<br />
Be smart. Protect yourself. Get out. Move on. He is emotionally withdrawn, he is an island, and cannot be touched nor moved.

Please dear, things sound bad enough. I'm reading in your post that you're looking for names to call him...this won't help you, it won't help your transition away from him, it won't help anything. Now, if I'm reading you incorrectly, and you genuinely are looking for nothing more than new labels for a man you no longer love, Filter's suggestions sound great.<br />
<br />
Also, if you can...try to re-channel your anger into resolve. Resolve is crucial.<br />
<br />
Best of luck...<br />
P.

"ex"<br />
<br />
"first husband"<br />
<br />
"a man I used to love"<br />
<br />
"Somebody I used to know."<br />
<br />
"Somebody I used to love."

You've had so much pain, shared so much pain .. with the loss of a child. Pain that I can't say I understand as I've not experienced it. It seems to me that you want to wake him up (you as a couple) up to get through the numbness and feel again. What's been said sounds like he is paralyzed / numb .. and unable to reach out to you. I am not sure how it was before - how he was before. Suspect that is an indicator of how it can be IF you can work TOGETHER through the pain. <br />
<br />
Maybe tell him how much you hurt for the loss of intimacy, companionship, love!! Then let him talk? <br />
<br />
While I am not hopeful in general about sexless marriages ... your circumstances are rooted in a shared loss and pain (that most of us will not experience). I read that you are both hurting. <br />
<br />
Best of luck and cheering for you!

one word:<br />
"ex".

This was what I planned on saying.

You are the only person who can come up with the words. No-one else can put those words in your mouth or they will feel "wrong". But there ARE some guidelines to follow. BEFORE you do this though, work out your own Exit plan. Be sure you know what you are going to do and have a (rough) timeline in mind. Be clear about how and where you will live, etc. Don't expect that he will leave and you will still have the house. He may refuse to leave and you may have to find new accommodation, for example.<br />
<br />
1 Make a time to talk to him when he cannot avoid the "talk". Don't choose a time when he can say "I have to go to work now" or anything else to get out of the conversation.<br />
<br />
2 Turn off the TV. Take the phone off the hook. Put your mobiles on silent.<br />
<br />
3 Prepare yourself by "centring" yourself - deep, calming breaths. Tell yourself: "I can do this".<br />
<br />
4 Speak to him without anger or criticism. VERY hard to do, but important if you are to get your message across.<br />
<br />
5 Tell him that you want and need things in a marriage that he cannot provide. If he wants examples, use general terms like "emotional support" and "commitment to our relationship" rather than specific things. Once you start talking about specific things (like your baby) you will "lose" it emotionally. Then HE can get the upper hand . . . .,<br />
<br />
6 Expect many negative emotions from him - anger, regret, criticism of you, tears, shouting - and maybe all of these!!! DO NOT allow yourself to be intimidated by these. And don't allow yourself to be won over by apologies and tears either.<br />
<br />
7 IF he is apologetic and wants to make up for his behaviour, AND you want to give him a chance, tell him he needs to SHOW you this change through his behaviour. That just saying he will change is not enough.<br />
<br />
8 If you decide to give him a second chance, tell him the things he needs to do to show you that he means business. For example, speak to his sister about the money she owes you. Set a time limit in your own head (no need to share this with him) for him to demonstrate that he really IS changing. I suggest three months. If you see SIGNIFICANT change in 3 months, you might be able to save the relationship.<br />
<br />
9 If he just blames you, criticises you, makes excuses etc. then you KNOW he has no plans to change. Tell him the marriage is over.<br />
<br />
10 Once you make this decision, STICK to it. You only weaken your own oposition if you keep changing your mind.<br />
<br />
GOOD LUCK! Come back and tell us how you went.

Excellent advice ! I really appreciate that alot .
Thank you so much for your kind and strong support .

As English is my second language ,I don't know any swearing or bad words to tell him to show his personality ...Like " indifferent ,snobbish ,....." I need words like these .

What you tought me was the best lesson that my mom " the kindest person to me " could give to me if she knew about my situation .
I thank you so much for that !

As generally he is a very respectful man in his own way and he never tells bad words ,I don't like to use bad words that people say in the street ,o I need some words that really suits him and shorten my speak to him.

Yes , I am looking for a good lawyer in canada , I am in new zealand right now ...as soon as he accepts to follow my case ,I fly to canada and finish this with him.

Thank you so much !

Thanks for your advice !
He tries his best to show himself busy ,so so far I did not have a chance to actually sit and talk for 1 minutes !
How can I do that ?

Why are you with this person?