Do Nothing

I write this after deciding to turn down the one offer I had outside of marriage, where I would have been wanted, where an emotional physical thirst would have been quenched. I decided to turn it down because it would not have been a lasting solution and would have invited into my life an additional dimension of strife and struggle, which I was not up to.
Previously when I used to write here, my H did not stay in the same town as me. But since then he is back . His army back ground does not allow him to settle down amicably even in work relationships. But my heart does go out to him cause he is a very capable man and he does not deserve to be without a job.
I am back at work and settled into a lifestyle where between work, home, travel, child....... I do not have much time or opportunity to cater to my craving for intimacy and love.
The one chance I am speaking about above had to do with a man I once knew. I just felt that he was just after me now, because i was available and hungry. So I just figured out that this hunger in me was is not just for two minutes in the sack, but a desperate demand for a life partner who is willing to share everything with me.
That is a tall order. In my circumstance, I will never be able to get one or change my H or change myself. And anyone else in-between means inviting a added dimension of complexity in my life. The one man that I could have made a life with (my H) turned a simple thing into a lifelong puzzle. Divorce........ I have considered that.... half in amusement and half with non-comprehension. Somehow does not belong to any social dictionary I possess. I will be trading a life where I am not very unhappy many times to a life where I am truly unhappy all the time.
So I am going to do nothing about it. I am going to try and live without this need and throw myself into work and attend to all other aspects of my life. Wonder whether I will truly be at peace and happy then. It is the season of mangoes in India and many people tell me eating the best quality of alphonsos is almost akin to having a truly satisfying sexual experience.
Now I will write when I will reach into some elevated status where I can sleep with a man , quench my needs, still not expect more from him and not feel guilty and troubled at home after.
So much heartburn over something that could be so beautiful na?

Swabhava Swabhava
36-40, F
6 Responses May 20, 2012

Baz says any solution works for as long as it works. And most solutions have a shelf life. I suggest this solution of your's has a limited shelf life, but while you are employing it, I hope it brings you a measure of peace.

Thanks. i know it is temporary. I hope it is a long temporary.

Hi, Swab! I have been wondering how things are going for you. I understand the choices you are making, and I certainly don't think badly of you for staying in your marriage. I am sure that as time goes on, your path will become clearer. It's good to hear from you again.

Yeah! Got busy. Will mail you.

Cultural brainwashing at its best! <br />
How do you arrive at the assumption that after a divorce your life will be constantly unhappy?<br />
The work and busy-ness of life is a wonderful distraction. They work in the short term. <br />
Who knows, you might even attain yogic peace and move beyond physical needs. Nothing is impossible. <br />
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As long as you wrap yourself up in this mindset, nothing will change it. I can only tell you that the reality of divorce is far different from what we are led to believe. Truly look around you and talk to some women who have divorced. IF, after that, you decide to stay with your husband, it will be an informed decision. Don't ba<x>se your life on assumptions and the wonderful horror stories that society feeds .

EH - may sound dumb and naive but I know no divorcee even as an acquaintance. Divorce could be ok for me, but for my H it wil be somehing he can never live with. I know that for sure. So divorce ...... I can live alone, I can ignore the larger society, but not my own peope....

We all make choices. We have to live with them.

I think Arsenius has a good idea. But I would add that if you begin to practice an intent ba<x>sed meditation, give it a place of honor in your life and make real time for it. It does take time and that seems to be one thing most of us cannot willingly yield to anyone or anything; part of the up-against-the-wall life we live. So set aside honest time to engage in the practice because it may turn out to be one of the more important ways you use the time you have. Blessings be on you and on your family.

Hi Lady, I do not know what your personal situation is except what you have written about in your post. Is your husband still in the army or is he now retired and looking for employment in the civilian world? You say that he cannot form good relationships even with his colleagues at work. Is this true of his army career or are you talking about his work out side in private companies? What exactly is wrong with your own relationship? Is he distant or is he abusive or does he ignore you completely or does he take you for granted?<br />
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Anyway, what I wanted to say was that you should not feel helpless in this kind of a situation. I wonder if you have heard of something known as visualisation? With visualisation you can bring about Manifestation of that which you desire or want although it is not easy. What it will require of you is to keep practising it till one fine day it will manifest it self. You may think that I am out of my mind but such a thing is possible. To practice visualisation you will first have to relax yourself, maybe by practising meditation or just lying in your bed and relaxing your muscles from your feet upwards till you reach your head. Relax your facial muscles and then empty your mind of all thoughts and try and make it blank. Then in this dynamic state visualise what you want. It will be difficult at first but as you keep practising it will become easier and easier. Actually what happens is that you connect with your higher self or maybe what we refer to the subconscious mind. Finally you will begin to experience as if what you have been visualising is actually happenning. You will feel it in your bones! That is when it will happen. Along with the visualisation practice and at the end of each session, make the following affirmation" This or something better will come to pass for the greater good of all concerned". You must practise this at least twice a day, once in the early morning before you get up from bed and then again at night before going to sleep. In between, during the day do not dwell on anything related to this visualisation or even think about it. Do not at any time start thinking what you are going to do once you have manifested your desire and so on. Just let it rest in the back of your mind. <br />
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If you are really tortured then try this seriously and give it your best shot. It will take time but IT WILL WORK. Remember we sc<x>ript our own lives including the part that others play in it. If you want things to be different then change the sc<x>ript. You can start by not blaming others for what you consider are your misfortunes. Do not react to situations but respond to them in an appropriate non negative way. Responding appropriately does not mean ignoring things or sweeping things under the carpet. If something someone says or does causes a negative reaction in you then instead of reacting in a negative way, step back and try and analyse as to why such a negative feeling is generated in you. You may be surprised that the very action that is causing negative reactions in you are actually part and parcel of your own mental and emotional make up. That is why you need to introspect on your own attitudes and work to change them.<br />
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This has become very long but I sincerely hope it helps you. Best of luck!

Thanks Arsenius. GenteelAnimal....!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not a mango eater, but it's peaches where I come from and man oh man...there is something truly scrumptious about a perfectly ripe peach on a hot summer day.<br />
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I suggest you seek out some women who have been divorced in India. I know they exist. Talk to them.

Mangoes, peaches, wet grass, dew drops, fresh sheets, rain, soft sinful brownies ..... lots of things to think of besides ---. Count your blessings I guess.