Nice Guys Finish Last

"Essentially it seems like she is saying that it is my problem and I need to deal with it."



Yes, it is your problem, and you need to deal with it.



She has no problem. So what are you going to do?



You can start by growing some balls.

Well... she has made her position clear, and many don't... many keep pretending that they love the spouse that they refuse...



She is making no pretense...



So, next question. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this...???



If the answer is no, well, then you have a very clear path to follow, since she has made it very clear that she does fully expect you to spend the rest of your life without sex while you cater to her every whim.



So, again... do you want to spend the rest of your life like this???



No...



Then you know what you have to do... best do it now, before kids show up to complicate the whole mess.

She is right about one thing - it is your problem. Only you can solve it, and she has made it clear she is not interested in helping you.



If you think it is your skill as a lover, I suggest you get second opinions.

Nice guys only finish last if they allow it. They probably won't finish first because they have personal standards, ethics that they simply won't stray beyond. Nothing wrong with that.



I like to think I am a fairly nice guy more often than I am not, but if you stamp on my standards as a challenge to me, beware. Being nice has to have a 'sacrifice' value in order for it to a have an intrinsic value at all other times.



You describe your wife in terms that is hard to believe of anyone and I do find myself wondering whether there is more to your story, to the background than you reveal. However, accepting what you say at face value if she is as repugnant as she appears then that is simply unacceptable.



As one usually nice guy to another nice guy, I suggest that you show her you care. Tell her that she does not obviously appreciate exactly how big a challenge it can be to face the world alone without the implicit or explicit support of others. Tell her, "There is the door, don't slam it after you, I'll take care of it, I'm a nice guy after all."

I think your blind acceptance of statements like - "nice guys finish last" - is likely to be your biggest obstacles rocks.



I reckon you might do well to go back to basics. Start questioning everything you ever heard about adult relationships and apply the blowtorch of truth to them. You will find that a lot of these "truisms", and "people say that - - - ", are complete bullshit.



Your missus has no intrinsic right to run your life, including the sexual expression aspects, for you. This can only be done with your compliance. She owns the fact that she is behaving in a manipulative manner - but YOU sure as hell own your choice to go along with it.



Back to basics mate. You might like to address your first truism and put the blowtorch of truth to it - try this one - "people like me don't get divorced because (insert your reason here)". Then have a long hard critical objective and truthful look at it.



Tread your own path.

If your wife was a healthy woman who loves you, she would find you attractive if you were bright yellow with hepatitis, were bald, had a broken nose, a rash on your foot and a boil on your arse.



Since she finds the thought of sex with you repulsive that leaves me 3 options to consider:



1: she does not love you

2: she is broken inside (e.g. sexual abuse, emotional disorder)

3: she sees you as a doormat ready to let yourself be exploited because you're too nice for your own good. Oh, hang on, that falls under point 1 already, doesn't it.



I guess she's not prepared to take any steps to rectify and enliven your relationship by putting some energy into it? Well, that narrows the picture a bit, does it not?

I think it's time you bought some steel toe capped boots (metaphorically speaking) for derriere, the kicking of.



As for the constant distraction -- I know that only too well if I have no release for a time and the hormones get mixed up with the thinking. There is an easy solution to that. Dump some of the hormones and relax, all in one moment. You will be amazed how much that can clear the brain.

why are you married? isnt it to have a partner in all things and a best friend? You need to ask yourself whether you have those things with her. If not.You need to end it for the both of you and find the person that loves you and respects you as you want to love and respect her~

First of all you need to stand up for yourself and stop being the nice guy that tries to constantly please her.



She is happy with the status quo because she gets all the benefits and security of marriage without catering to your needs. Wise up now.



If you support her financially, emotionally, whatever, stop. Its time you took these actions to show her that you are not happy with the status quo and wont be accepting it any longer.



Sounds like this account is way overdue for payment. I suggest you tally up the bill for her actions and present it to her.



Stay Strong & Good Luck

"It seems that this has worked against me because she wants to be with me, but doesn't find me sexually appealing.... "



She seems to want to be with you because you let her have what she wants and you don't expect her to be a real partner. She is selfish, unkind and very disrespectful of you and your needs. This is NOT a healthy way to behave in a relationship.



You need to stand up for yourself more - and if she can't handle that, you need to leave the marriage IMO. Harsh but true - sorry.

Get the doormat tattoo removed from your forehead. She has everything her way but what about you? Nada zip is what you get and you aren't even allowed to bring up the subject well tell her to **** off. It's well past time you stood up for yourself and showed her the door. Your life is not meant to be spent in her service kissing her *** while she lives the life she wants and you grovel at her feet for nothing.



She obviously neither loves nor respects you so it's about time for you to man up and put an end to this sad joke. Get busy and see a lawyer and send her back to whatever pit she came out of and get on with your life. It might be a good idea to get a little therapy to help you undoormat yourself so you don't end up with some other woman wiping her feet on you too.

"She also says she is happy with the status quo and has no desire or intent to change."



That's because things are working out perfectly fine for her.



Plus I like the way she gets angry in order to bully you into shutting up.



What, exactly, do you see in her?

May I ask one question? Why do you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman?