My First Post

I don't feel like I am living in my sexless marriage. More like slowly dying...
I am a woman in my early thirties and I have been married for fifteen years. For the past ten years my marriage has been well ....sexless. Through the years I have tried everything you could image to get my husband interested in sex.  With no results. 
My husbands idea of any type of sexual intimacy, is a quick kiss and a cuddle before we fall asleep and quit frankly I can't take it anymore.
I have always been a very sexual person and as the time goes by i feel like i am giving up who I am for a man who will never be intimate with me. Lately i find it difficult being around my husband at all that seems to rattling around in my head is "why"  Why are we married?  Why aren't you ******* me? Why do I stay with you?  Why won't you **** me?  Why can't you try?  Why am I so lonely?
I feel like I am losing my mind, most nights I am wishing for my husband to notice me (begging to be touched). I am lucky if i end up getting fingered once every 6 months. I can't even remember the last time we were together.   

(god i feel like Charlotte..."I just want to be ****** really really ******!")


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7Peaches6 7Peaches6
31-35, F
3 Responses May 20, 2012

@7peaches6<br />
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I think you have nailed it squarely on the head with "fear" as your "why". Just about every member here can identify with that one.<br />
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Sometimes, if you get some facts together, you can have a bit of a speculate about how you might get out, how you might conduct your life, what you would like to do etc etc etc. And from that, a plan can be formulated to assist the speculation become tangible. Achievable. Do-able. <br />
<br />
Consulting a lawyer in your jurisdiction would arm you with appropriate facts as to how a divorce would shake out for you. What you then did with this information would be entirely down to you, but at the very least, it would allay a number of fears you might have about the divorce process. <br />
<br />
Worth your while considering I reckon.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

I'd also add to what Bazz said, figuring out what is important to you in a relationship, in a marriage. What your ba<x>selines are there. And what would be a great future, something that would inspire you, as opposed to what you want to avoid.<br />
<br />
Usually, that will make it clear how far you are away from the acceptable, and trigger a sequence of events that will change your world if you let it.

Welcome to the jungle.<br />
<br />
If you've been reading here a bit pre posting your story, you will have got some clue as to how these things usually play out. It ain't pretty.<br />
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The bald facts of your story, with the last 66% of its' 15 year history being sexless, does not auger well for the future of the union.<br />
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While you are chasing assorted "whys" around, you mention one very critical and worthwhile "why" you have been exploring - that one being "Why do I stay with you ?"<br />
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This is THE most critical one for you to ponder. All the other "whys" have the ownership vested with him, and YOU cannot change anyone bar yourself. So the "Why do I stay with you ?" is the key to the whole shooting match.<br />
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So what is your response when you ask yourself "Why do I stay with you ?"<br />
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In many instances here it the vows / religious reasons / being seen as a failure / fear of the unknown / the kids / financial considerations / family pressure / peer pressure, and other assorted rationalisations.<br />
<br />
What is it for '7peaches6' ??<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Thank you for your comment.

I'm working on the path

So what's your "why" ?

The Why???
I guess they have changed over the years. I used to hold out hope that maybe he would find me enough. Love me enough to get help for his issues. (ED and depression).And as the years have gone by maybe i have been a little too comfortable in this relationship. Like not wanting to rock the boat. So I guess i have used the security of my marriage as a convience to better my life. I have built a business and a home, which now feels like has cost me my happiness. So the Why now is .........i guess I'm scared. Scared to move on, scared of never finding someone to share my life with.