Forging Ahead Down This New Path...

Wasn't sure where to post this story but felt it might have some resonance with the ILIASM crowd. I've been in a sexless marriage for years, beginning the separation from my wife and starting to put myself out there to meet people. I've been chatting with someone for a while, we've starting falling for each other and have become very close. We have so much in common and have been tremendous support for each other as we go through transitions in our lives.  We finally went on a date last week - very nice and very innocent date. She is sweet, extremely hot, and claims to have a great sex drive - but with her strong Christian beliefs/values won't have sex until she's married - I respect that and would never ask her to compromise her values (ok, well I subtly ask but I always know what the answer will be).

When you're as deprived as much as I have been for so long - one's mind begins to wonder hmmm?.... what would it take to marry this person (and not just to be able to have sex with her but to really have a great future together). Well... the topic of faith came up yesterday: she's very much Christian, I'm very much not Christian - there's no way a future would be possible - not for someone as devout as her. I knew all along that would be the barrier that would prohibit us being together but I wanted to believe it wouldn't matter. We worked through it, came to an understanding, agreed that we can only be friends, and really have become much closer - but we know it will never work.

So bottom line, I guess, is that coming out of a sexless marriage, first of all, I really need to get laid (so that I can begin to think clearly) ... have some physical contact, have some fun, be free, and be myself.  I know this path will not always be easy but I believe that I will gain so much by heading out on this journey...
chillinthemost1 chillinthemost1
41-45, M
7 Responses May 22, 2012

enjoy yourself....and don't buy any shoes without trying them on first *wink*

Good point! I met her for coffee today and I realize that it will always be just a friendship which is good - better than having some false hope and knowing that it could never work. Wouldn't mind trying on those shoes but it ain't gonna happen, haha

lol...sounds like it's time to go "shoe" shopping sweetie :)

She puts her relationship with Jesus even before her children?? That must have stung :( <br />
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I personally think two people can disagree on religion and still live a long, happy life together punctuated with the occasional spirited disagreement.<br />
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I think you do need time to be just you for a while, but good luck dating without getting serious :)

As soon as you hear this "no sex until we are married because (insert proffered justification here)" you instantly know 2 things.<br />
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#1 - they are driven my dogma, not desire<br />
#2 - you will always run second - or worse - to said dogma<br />
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Tread your own path.

Ya, a little difficult for me to understand but she has always been clear from the beginning so I try to respect that. When she said she puts her relationship with Jesus even before her children I knew whatever fantasy I had, was just that - a fantasy

Yikes! That would make me question any future with her from the get-go!!

My eyes have been opened for sure, I've decided just dating and having fun with no committed relationships for at least a full year post-separation

This song popped in my head when I was reading your story. <br />
http://youtu.be/PN_YjM4V4fc<br />
Finding a balance is good and honestly you will find someone that understands sex can be just for the fun of it.

was never a big fan of that song but you're right I can certainly relate

Sounds you do indeed need to get laid :-)<br />
Getting some much-needed sex behind you should help with your ob<x>jectivity too. <br />
I'll second what MissLee mentioned previously...why tie yourself down right away again? Please hold off on the serious relationships for a bit...play the field...see what's out there!

Yes, I believe that will help significantly with my rational thinking. I thought I would need at least a year of no committed/serious relationships - just dating and having fun

You should in no way be considering marriage or anything serious at this point. End the marriage, go out and have some fun. <br />
Btw...no sex before marriage (even for religion) is pretty scary for me now!

you're right

I agree you that you need to probably have some "no-strings-attached" sex for a little while before even contemplating any serious relationship.