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Intimacy Let's Play


There's a lot of talk in some of the groups here about intimacy and mostly it seems to be about the lack of it. I suppose it means different things to different people because we all have our own perspective. To me intimacy with a woman I love includes the right to touch and be touched without restriction. I've always felt that touching someone is the best of enjoying each others company. I'm for Saturday morning wrestling matches under the sheets, and I would probably let you win. Because by participating you have given me a wonderful gift. I'm for sharing laughs that turn into hugs, that turn into kisses, that turn into (use your imagination). I'm for going places together just for fun, picnics in the park, a day at the beach, exploring antique stores, whatever we can do together. That's the key to it all together, and unless there is intimacy that doesn't happen much.

People these days tend to get distracted by all the rush of our little rat races that we build for ourselves and we forget what's really important. When we marry someone we are giving our being into the care of someone that we trust and cherish and we expect that they will look out for our welfare as we are expected to do the same for them. Which is right and proper, but so many people become so wrapped up in themselves that they have no room for someone else's cares and concerns in their lives and intimacy dies. We often lose sight of the fact that our mate is supposed to be the center of our lives. When we do that we hurt not only someone that is supposed to be our mate but ourselves because we then miss the best part of being married.

It often feels to me that what we are missing is the ability to play and enjoy just being together. I think being able to play together is a key item in developing an intimate relationship. I suppose I can be horrible at times I've been known to slip up behind my mate and slip an ice cube into the back of her pants or to do some other similarly dastardly deed. But it's an invitation to come and play, I would gladly take a water balloon if it means I get a good hug and maybe a sloppy kiss. In this day and age there is so little fun to be had that we have to create it for ourselves and I think that's missing in a lot of marriages. I might tease you because I know you blush so prettily but it's done from love, then I might want to explore to see just how far that blush extends into certain interesting areas that I never tire of exploring. As we get jaded by life we lose that sense of exploration and silliness that really makes life tolerable. I will write goober poetry and buy crazy gifts and do anything that I think might please you out of love as long as you care for me and make me feel loved. 

Sadly many relationships have lost this magic and in many it was never there to begin with. But it makes life so much better and eases us through the tough parts. If I'm passing through the kitchen and I happen to see that lovely bottom available for a quick grope I probably will, it's not to aggravate you, it's a promise that I'm still attracted to you. If you find my attention to be an aggravation then it surely means that there is no longer love in your heart for me. If I seem inappropriate at times, well I probably am because my drum marches a little differently than most. The saddest thing is when people start pushing each other away and give up the best part of life. If I have given you my heart I have promised to find you endlessly fascinating, but I want more from you than to be tolerated. All I ask is that you be concerned for me and make an effort to make sure that I know it. Being lonely in marriage is the worst possible thing that we do to each other and there is really no excuse for this. If the day comes when you can no longer find it in your heart to desire me then set me free, it will hurt but it's far kinder than to hold me prisoner until I waste away. 
Warriorpoett Warriorpoett 56-60, M 39 Responses May 22, 2012

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How long have u been married? You sound beautiful but so sad... Maybe ur with the wrong 1... There r many fish n the sea.. Or maybe sit down with ur wife n talk to her. Find out what is really goin on... Time is of the essence..

I just finished up 29 years of being married to this woman, unfortunately it just didn't work out to be a good match in the sex category. In other ways she's a good person but she has serious mental health issues as well and since I'm disabled I'm pretty much stuck in place by circumstances. But I make the best of it and my life isn't terrible just a bit lonely. But I've had a very long time to get used to it being this way.

I cried reading this..I'm single and I wish that when I settle down I wannt to stay in love forever with the man I chose to be with..its sad to know that marraiges can fail and love get jaded..but I believe in second chances, u opened up so many eyes..congrats and I hope u work out ur marraige :)

whew! got known my wife since 1976. I remember everything that you described. the fun of just being with her. I work away and come home on my time off. So we catch on life together. do the walks, Malls, holding her waist and eating snacks. we eat out of the same plate. Sure nature changed our bodies and curbed our sex drives. every chance we get we touch and kiss. play some and if we have the energy we'll make love (sex). Now we live for our grand kids and I'm glad were still married all then years.. We had our ups and downs, we learned to listen to each other. We never got mad about not having sex.. or use sex to maneuver the spouse..I'm glad you wrote this, I can look back and tell myself that I did well in this marriage.

So sweet
So tender
Sad
Joyinthejourney, clg,

Oh God I thought I was over the 'grief' part of it. I guess I'd just managed not to look directly at the memory of years of joyful play. <br />
<br />
Remembering how we were made me remember that I used to believe neither of us would let go of that. <br />
I've seen people gradually forget about it, and people who've forgotten it, and people who never seemed to have it but I wouldn't have believed anyone (especially my lover) would just stop it cold - and sink into himself until he was too far away to feel like coming back to it. <br />
<br />
Spending years feeling like it must be a temporary aberration or spending years gradually drifting apart, either way it's years of loneliness. My heart goes out to you. You can only write clearly if you see clearly, and seeing clearly the value of something you loved and couldn't have... hurts. <br />
<br />
I admire the poet in you for your skill, and the warrior in you for your will to make your loss into something that benefits others.

I too, would never have believed it. He used to love to hold me, kiss me.
All that's gone now.

Thank you, Warriorpoett! So many of the things you mention,are so familiar. (Grabbing a handful of butt, or, yes, even a boob, and the ice cube! Those are things I enjoyed for many years, and now I'm looking for someone else to share those moments with. It was really hard, for the last 6 months of her life, to see her in so much pain, and not able to speak, but she winked often. That was our unspoken "I love you" for 49 years! Cancer of the brain didn't even quash her intamacy. Just two days before she passed away, she took my hand, and put it on the soft, silky hair on "our spot". I have so many happy memories with her, and she was highly sexual. So, thanks again for jogging all the memories!!

my thoughts!!! your words!!!

love
Xtra

What is this "touch" from your spouse you speak of? I think I have had it happen to me, a long time ago, in galaxy far far away...

The one good thing about having a long-term relationship crumble is that you learn a lot about how that happens, and hopefully some ideas about how not to let it happen again. I think you're absolutely right about the touching and playfulness - it's a crucial part of keeping the intimacy alive.

"Being lonely in marriage is the worst possible thing that we do to each other and there is really no excuse for this. If the day comes when you can no longer find it in your heart to desire me then set me free, it will hurt but it's far kinder than to hold me prisoner until I waste away. "

Your story was beautifully written. The last few lines were especially touching. I know this so well.