While Waiting For The DawnI am walking my dog and running out of breath. Heart is overbeating and overstressed. Physically, I am in good shape, I can run miles. Tonight, walking is requiring super strength. I have to tell my leg at each step, one more. You can do it. One more. You can do this. And tomorrow you will walk into the courtroom, and face your demons. Tomorrow you will say goodbye…
I can do this. I want to do this. I am ready…Gosh, after all, I still love him. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to see him. He can just be somewhere out there. Exist without ever running into each other again………. I can do this. I can, right?
Please don’t let me cry tomorrow. Please! I don’t pray much anymore, but I think tonight I will.
My, STBXH, please forgive me for putting you though this. I need to be me again. I am almost in one piece again. But there are still some serious holes. And that one hole in my heart is making it hard to breathe tonight. I will miss you.
I ordered too much take-out food and could barely swallow half of it, even chewing food is a challenge. Let there be sunrise soon, so we can just get it over with. This road has been too long, I have too many battle scars from it. Tomorrow it shall end by a judge’s stamp. It has to. I am claiming myself back. This should be my last SM story. If all goes well, you shall find me in “I left a sexless marriage and have no regrets” group ;)
ohh I think my heart will jump out through my throat…countdown is now in hours.