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Lingerie Modeling, The Letdown, The Near Affair, And The Sm

In my other stories and in my previous incarnation here, I shared with you how my wife absolutely refuses to step outside the boundaries of coming to bed wearing sleep pants and a shirt.

Last night, post neurologist appointment in which she learned that she'd lost 16 lbs since January, she decided to try on EVERY lingerie outfit in the closet. I was about 90 percent asleep when this occurred, but of course I woke up. What suffering husband in an SM wouldn't? It was a waste of my time. I heard about how awful she looked in each outfit and how fat she was. What I thought was foreplay was a 30 minute session of her crapping on herself.

It got worse.

Without sharing too many details, I had the opportunity and capability to engage in an extramarital affair last year. I came very close to doing it--down to the woman and I being in the hotel room together. I backed out. For a variety of reasons I really don't want to drag out right now.

When my wife put her sleep pants back on, her immediate question was whether "the other woman" had ever worn lingerie for me.

OMG. Talk about a romance killer. Immediately, the conversation erupted into digging up the potential affair for the 10th time this week, to which I responded to the attack with "and why did I even consider an affair, oh, that's right, because you consistently refuse to have sex".

(not to mention her jabs are now 6 months old, no new material because there's nothing there. She recalls emails that are months and years old that are borne out of my SM frustration. I had no one else to talk to and nowhere to turn. Talking to my wife is like talking to a deaf-mute.)

The reasons why I almost cheated never make it anywhere with her, because I am such a dirtbag for even considering an affair after hearing every excuse there is for no sex. I have heard every excuse. I should come up with a bingo card for no-sex bingo, with all of them and cross them off every night.

She apparently has told her stupid neurologist about the near-affair because he asked her if it was still ongoing, which it is not. I threw it back when I said "and did you tell your neurologist why I considered it in the first place"?

In her mind, once a quarter for sex (missionary position) is perfectly fine. But let's not talk about a SM. Let's not discuss the refuser's reasons and dissect them and fix them.

Instead, let's talk about how much of a jerk I am because after years of going unnoticed, I chose to explore the other opportunity.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the oncoming SM train. Every time I get ready to step off the tracks, the train comes from the other direction and runs me over.
e67gokg e67gokg 31-35 14 Responses May 23, 2012

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This may be redundant, perhaps already stated. Anything you are not willing to to to/with your partner you can guaranty they WILL find someone that is. If you love them enough to love them then F@%KING do already!!

She is seeking help from a neurologist, why? Looks like she needs a sex therapist due to low self-esteem. Some relationships can be too late to save. There is too much anger and resentment on both sides. Just find a counselor who can help you sort **** out and leave if that is the best option.

It's not the lack of sex nor the near-affair that will kill this marriage. It's your anger at each other.

Just call a divorce lawyer. <br />
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$1000 says your wife already did.

Wrong, people like her rarely kill the meal ticket.
If she called in the lawyer, she might have to clean the rotten milk out of the bedroom, wash the nappies and the dishes AND maybe even work to earn some readies. Why would she?

Petr, you are assuming his wife is sensible and smart. " Why would she? " --- because she is both stupid and crazy as demonstrated by her refusal to have sex with her husband.

nope actually I did first and I am refusing to file... To force her to have to.... She did not until after I left her for a month while she was hospitalized for 5 days and I would not take my children or even call to check on them. I left it to her family to deal with.

well you see she actually has a full time job and works that over 60+ hours a week and no it's not a full time mom job it is actually a real job. I do want her to quit so she will stay at home and be a full time mom

So hold her accountable. MKy missus workred similiar hours, 55 - 60 hours a week. A got sick of playing mum, dad, nurse, maid etc. I did something about it. So should you

2 More Responses

After reading your other 2 recent stories here especially the Roomate Story, i wish to change my advice to you.<br />
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Since you work, pay all the bills, and support her *** only to come home to her dirty slothful ways i suggest you total up the account owing for her actions and presenting her with the bill. <br />
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By this i mean stop supporting her and let her fend for herself, until she decides she is going to be a wife again, and treat you as an equal. That means cleaning the house, being nice to you, providing a clean environment for her child and partner to live in and yes you guessed it plenty of sex. Because as it stands at the moment you are nothing but her meal ticket.<br />
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If she still wont pay up after you have presented her with the bill for her actions its time to visit a lawyer.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

Remeber you're only hearing one side of the story...and the fact that people come on here to vent frustration so you read all the bad. It's not your place to advise a stranger to leave his wife as that itself is an incredibly damaging experience. His wife obviously has self-love issues and may be moving forward for all you know. Her side of the story might look completely different. These issues are incredibly difficult and encouraging him to become combative with the woman he has sworn to honor until death do they part does not help.

He got married to have a wife. He's not her therapist. If she had these self-love issues that precluded intimacy, she should have put off marriage or children until those were resolved. She shouldn't have gotten married, had the children, THEN decided she's got "self-esteem" and 'self-love" issues to the extent that she cannot make love with her husband who clearly wants to! This is just one more excuse, and all that.

There's just one thing: Unfortunately, this "poor woman" is likely to be looked at as "the victim" in a divorce court - having the children and all, having "gained weight". After the divorce, you'll probably STILL be nothing more than a paycheck and meal ticket - child support plus alimony (poor little "full-time-Mom") - yes, courts award alimony in states that the statutes say there IS no alimony!

I still say present her with the "bill" for it. She might take you to the cleaners, but you'll have your sanity and your freedom to find a real relationship rather than a "patient" or "project" - something which you (probably) do not have the training to handle.

Amen to that. Totally agree, present her with the bill and walk away with your pride and sanity. Thanks for the support.

Thanks for your support and you are right so many dont get it, you marry to have a friend, and life long partner, if you are not getting anything good in return why would you keep on supporting somebody male or female that offers you nothing in return but misery.

Yes so many times we do hear one side of the story but when people end up on websites like these it is because they have tried most solutions and are at the end of their rope.

Also just because you might choose to be a doormat to somebody it doesnt mean the rest of us have to be.

2 More Responses

Are you relying on the "cosmic event" strategy to sort this **** out for you ?<br />
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Tread your own path.

Brother it is only going to get worse i can promise you. I completely sympathise as i had an affair due to a 3 month sexless marriage, and to this day i hear it. You know what just be truthful its the only way dont sugar coat it. Hold her to account on her actions.<br />
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My wife had a whole range of excuses to never put out sex, i'm sick, i'm an *******, i do nothing for her, etc, etc, the list was endless. The truth was i supported her ***, paid the bills, and did half the housework.<br />
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My reason when she asked why i had the affair was plain and simple you cut me off and refused to have sex. If you think i was going sexless you were mistaken. Brother man up and spell it out to her.<br />
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The accusations and the digging up of the past will never stop believe me i am living testament to that. You can whoever deal with it without being a punching bag.<br />
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We all have consequences for the choices we make. Some good some bad. She nearly suffered the consequence of an affair as a result of her actions in refusing intimacy with her husband.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

How long do you think you can last like this? There is no intimacy and your wife seems to like using you as a punching bag. From your responses, you seem tired of it and are rebelling.

You win the "best story title yet in ILIASM" award.

From all your stories I did not understand at all why you are with your wife... My traditional question: do you want 40 more years of the same?

Your young yet. It's time to run like hell right now otherwise decades will have passed and you will have wasted them.

Despite what some prefer to say of their own circumstances there are no absolutes in this life (except death and taxes, of course). You can choose to join in or you can decide to reject it. You can change your mind later. That is not an absolute in itself.<br />
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I must confess I don't understand why your wife would want to discuss your putative affair with her neurologist unless she has some neurological condition that has some relevance to your non-existent sex life. Odd. Therapists and ministers are supposed to be those who you confess to.<br />
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Would you classify your wife has having real body dysmorphia or is she just a bit prissy or is just using it as an out-and-out excuse?<br />
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Have you ever just asked her what she is REALLY scared of?<br />
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I have just re-read your other 2 stories. You have been married six years but knew her for four before that. Surely she can't have been like this all that time?

No, let's not discuss the refuser's reasons and dissect them - because there is no understanding them, or fixing them, at least not in your power.<br />
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How long are you going to hang around on these tracks, acting as the buffer? Eoowrn SMASH Eooorns SMASH. Owww.<br />
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If she won't open up to her contribution, and insists on the blame game, there's absolutely nothing you can do and no point in continuing. In fact - you get to have more pain and waste more time.

Your wife doesn't like her own body and that self-consciousness is an absolute killer when it comes to an intimate relationship. Her own self-loathing will mean that she does not like to be touched. My husband is similar - insists (when I try to make love) on wearing a shirt and a sarong and underwear (!!) and doesn't like me to take my top or bra off as it is too 'Swedish'. Your don't deserve to have your wife being horrible to you just because you ended up in a hotel room with someone and didn't sleep with them. She should be grateful that you are honest about your feelings and that you did resist the temptation after years of sexual deprivation. I myself did not resist a similar temptation. It was great to get completely naked with someone for once in bed! No clothes at all!!! <br />
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My husband knows about it as I have told him but he has understood why it happened and we are trying to get the intimacy back into our marriage instead of my needing to seek it outside my marriage. Like you, I have been lucky to have even a quarterly attempt at sex and my husband has ED which makes it worse. But he has not nagged me and has understood now how I feel and is trying to overcome his own self-dislike which is a first step. You can't have a proper marriage in which sex happens just three or four times a year if that.