Lingerie Modeling, The Letdown, The Near Affair, And The SmIn my other stories and in my previous incarnation here, I shared with you how my wife absolutely refuses to step outside the boundaries of coming to bed wearing sleep pants and a shirt.
Last night, post neurologist appointment in which she learned that she'd lost 16 lbs since January, she decided to try on EVERY lingerie outfit in the closet. I was about 90 percent asleep when this occurred, but of course I woke up. What suffering husband in an SM wouldn't? It was a waste of my time. I heard about how awful she looked in each outfit and how fat she was. What I thought was foreplay was a 30 minute session of her crapping on herself.
It got worse.
Without sharing too many details, I had the opportunity and capability to engage in an extramarital affair last year. I came very close to doing it--down to the woman and I being in the hotel room together. I backed out. For a variety of reasons I really don't want to drag out right now.
When my wife put her sleep pants back on, her immediate question was whether "the other woman" had ever worn lingerie for me.
OMG. Talk about a romance killer. Immediately, the conversation erupted into digging up the potential affair for the 10th time this week, to which I responded to the attack with "and why did I even consider an affair, oh, that's right, because you consistently refuse to have sex".
(not to mention her jabs are now 6 months old, no new material because there's nothing there. She recalls emails that are months and years old that are borne out of my SM frustration. I had no one else to talk to and nowhere to turn. Talking to my wife is like talking to a deaf-mute.)
The reasons why I almost cheated never make it anywhere with her, because I am such a dirtbag for even considering an affair after hearing every excuse there is for no sex. I have heard every excuse. I should come up with a bingo card for no-sex bingo, with all of them and cross them off every night.
She apparently has told her stupid neurologist about the near-affair because he asked her if it was still ongoing, which it is not. I threw it back when I said "and did you tell your neurologist why I considered it in the first place"?
In her mind, once a quarter for sex (missionary position) is perfectly fine. But let's not talk about a SM. Let's not discuss the refuser's reasons and dissect them and fix them.
Instead, let's talk about how much of a jerk I am because after years of going unnoticed, I chose to explore the other opportunity.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the oncoming SM train. Every time I get ready to step off the tracks, the train comes from the other direction and runs me over.