Changes?????I haven't written in a while because I have been confused and ... well ... sorta happy. About two weeks ago my H and I had a visit with our therapist and after that talk he just ... changed. He swears he can't tell me what is different between now and then, which drives me nuts. But, things are different. He is more engaged in the family, more involved in life, playful with the kids and me. I am so confused by the whiplash of the occurrence that I have flat out told him and the counselor that I don't know what I will do. That is the truth!!
I just don't know. The intimacy is much better, the cuddling, talking, and enjoyment that we used to have has returned. I have to question it all. Why??
He told me that if I had left him in January he wouldn't have stopped me but now he wants me to stay, why?? This is now a major trust issue for me. Here is the analogy I used to explain it, maybe it will help.
I'm on a playground and I have been riding the see-saw with my H. We have a good time but then suddenly he drops me and goes somewhere else. It hurts when I get dropped but somehow when he wants to play again I get back on. Now, after being dropped so much, I have to ask, "do I really want to play again?" So, I look around and I see a nice quiet swing-set with no one on it. It looks fun and relaxing. And, most importantly, I know if I get hurt it's my fault and it's because I chose to, not because someone dropped me. I'm stuck between the see-saw and the swing-set.
I hope that makes sense because that is where I am. Do I trust him again? or do I just go and play where I feel like I have the control.
greenpfenig 46-50, F 13 Responses 1 May 24, 2012