14 Months Out Of The HouseI left my wife last April and documented the process here for the first 5 months. This will probably be my last story here but I hope to give encouragement to others and I feel I owe this forum for the strength it gave me and for the great support given by many members here.
So here goes.
When I left my wife and moved out of our home I felt as if I was stepping into a void. The years of abuse had taken their toll and I felt old, unlovable and second rate as a human being. But the sense of relief in moving out was a huge surprise and my old spirit returned almost immediately, though the process of removing myself emotionally from my marriage took many months and is still ongoing. I have learned a lot about myself. The first few months were undoubtedly the hardest. I flip-flopped between strength - holding my angry ex at arm's length and despair and weakness, expressing continuing love and breaking down. But, I picked myself up again and moved forward. I am amazed, after a year, that the process wasn't harder. When I think of her now, it is of two people. The person I met and married and fell in love with and the angry, self-absorbed alcoholic abuser she became and is now.
One of the most significant things that has happened is I am now very much in touch with my sexuality and realize my own attractiveness. I had a few affairs last year around the time of my last post. A friend of mine said that divorce is like high school dating. You're kind of relearning the rules and a bit like a kid in a candy store. I ended up in deep water with someone I had a great sexual relationship with and was seeing the last time I posted. A substance abuser (like my ex). It is a learning process and no shame to pick yourself up and move on. Interesting to realize that I am attracted to and attract this type of person. So I moved on.
Shortly afterwards I met someone my own age. She is everything I ever wanted. One of the most positive spirits I've ever encountered. She believes in me, is wonderfully supportive and loyal and fun and we have an amazing sexual and personal relationship. We have been together 8 months and it just seems to grow and grow. I am a lucky so-and-so. If someone had told me this time last year that I'd be here, now, I would not have believed them. The universe is extraordinary.
My ex is angry, though largely non-communicative. Hard to know if it's just the same old s*** or if she's jealous. She phoned last night to arrange something and after I said I couldn't comply with one of her requests she flipped in the usual manner. It's been months since her last outburst but I remained calm, told her not to speak to me in that way and didn't take the bait. I have brought in a policy of emailing her instead of talking on the phone as this avoids her horrible tone and also documents dates etc...which she tends to lie about or claim ignorance of at a later date.
I am amazed I put up with it for so many years. My life is so, so much happier. If you are in the same boat as I was I know and feel your pain. The process is hard - the hardest. But make this leap of faith. Do it. Reclaim your sexual and emotional citizenship. The person you are living with is your worst enemy. Your love for this person is noble but misguided. We have the one life. Go live it. It's completely do-able.