The Low Fuel Light Is blinkingHow did we get here? It was one small battle at a time, losing became
normal, and eventually one day you realize that this person does not have
your best interests in mind. They swear up and down that they do, but when
it comes down to action they always think of themselves first. They
cannot anticipate your needs, even when they are given the answers to the
test, somehow they can’t apply them. They can’t bring themselves to act,
and if they do something (even half-heartedly) they act like you should
give them a medal.
They try not to make their selfishness so obvious, and to us who have been
slowly dying through the process we don’t notice it every day. They would
ardently deny the fact that they are completely focused on
themselves…”WHAT?, my spouses needs aren’t the same as mine? Weird? I
guess that’s his problem”……….To us It just seems like things have slipped
away….who we were has slipped away….the things we wanted slipped away……The
things we want must be crazy talk.
……UNTIL, for some miraculous reason it starts to come back. We come out of
our coma, we realize that we are not crazy and we start to fight for the
little things. We may even win once in a while giving us the false hope
that we are going to be able to turn things around, but those are just loss
leaders…we don’t win the majority of battles…we definitely lose the
important battles….power struggles ensue because we are desperately trying
to win our life back, trying to gain control of our own destiny and they
act like we are asking for the impossible…to them a 50/50 relationship is a
loss, they wouldn’t admit that, they just can’t think outside of their own
needs….. When we do win we win at a high cost….We have to give something
else up, we have to pay with pride, we have to make it up with double the
cost, we are littered with guilt, and subjection…So pretty soon we don’t
want to win anymore, that just doesn’t seem right either….Something is
broken…..We are left with two options.
1) They need to change on their own and fight like there is no tomorrow to
win us back….because we don’t have any fight left in us. So we put the
ball in their court, and wait, and wait, and wait. …maybe I need to remind
them that I put the ball in their court, they must not have heard us.
Repeat until completely crazy.
2) We need to accept that they won’t change and move on…..
Our soul is dying and somewhere there is a voice deep down that says…”YOU
CAN’T CHANGE THE WAY THEY THINK” “YOU ARE THERE FOR THEIR GAIN, NOT FOR
YOUR OWN” “IN ORDER TO BE FREE, YOU NEED TO GET OUT” “THEY ARE TOO DEEPLY
ENTRENCHED IN THEIR OWN WAY OF THINKING….LEAVING WON’T EVEN CHANGE THEIR
MINDS, THEY CAN’T SEE IT FROM THAT ANGLE, OR FROM ANY ANGLE THAT IS NOT
THEIR OWN…IF YOU LEAVE THEY WILL ALWAYS BELIEVE YOU ARE THE BAD GUY”
Then the pit in your stomach doubles, and the tightness in your chest
deepens. It really is in your court, you’ve put in in their court so many
times. You believed their BS, you jumped through their hoops only to find
that when you closed one ob
a master at giving and they have turned into a master at taking…. The
perfect couple, until the giver has nothing left to give, the tank is
empty, the low fuel light has been bl
stalls on the side of the road, they will kick the car…..it will still
somehow not be their fault. This is the kind of mindset you are dealing
with…..how do you reason with that? You can’t.
TTBM 31-35, M 7 Responses 8 May 25, 2012