I Made A Mistake

I hate to admit it. I know I made a mistake. I married the wrong woman. I am too young for this but I feel trapped. My wife is critical of everything I do. She wants me to accept we never have sex. I would leave but we have a child and I would rather stay trapped in the loveless marriage than not spend every day with our son. I read what everyone writes and I don't want to keep reading. It makes me sad. I see my future. Should I stay away from these boards or is it better to read?
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26-30
7 Responses May 25, 2012

i've gone back and forth for years. it never got better with my husband. the kids are 12 and 15. i want them to have an example of what i wish for them. a sexless marriage is not it. we are separating. good luck, and i am sorry for your struggles

Never trust a woman who refuses to have sex with the father of her children. <br />
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You had better start doing your research about divorce. Your wife has probably already planned her exit. <br />
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How much alimony do you want to pay for a lazy dishonest cvnt?

So you know about choices.<br />
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Thing is, if you deny yourself the choices, burying them or rationalising them away ("for your son") - they will not really go away.<br />
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Or in a sense, they will, because over time, your unconcious will get more and more pissed that you're not looking after yourself, unhappy and living in a toxic situation. And you can trust the power of your unconscious to sort yourself out - your emotions will eventually take over so that you are desperate, you have no choices and the way is clear.<br />
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That way maximises the pain and wasted time.<br />
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Your call.

Gotta disagree on staying because of children. <br />
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Remember, children have their parents as role-models. Would you tell your son, if he was trapped in an unhappy marriage, to stick it out? Or would you want your son to reach for happiness?<br />
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Because he WILL come to realize his parents marriage is an unhappy one. And he will assume that one is supposed stay--no matter how unhappy. Growing up with two unhappy parents in a household is NOT a good childhood.

Your marital status might change over your lifetime. People change / grow apart / realise it was a mistake etc etc and as a result make choices reflecting the reality at the time.<br />
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Your role and responsibilities as a parent won't. You will always be that.<br />
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So there is your constant. Being a responsible parent. Fulfilling this role is not contingent upon you being married.<br />
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Choice is a *****. But no-one gets a pass on it.<br />
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Tread your own path.

As Baz will tell you, you need to see a lawyer in your own area to find out exactly what will happen if you get a divorce. You NEED that information because at the moment you can only guess at it. You don't need to use it until you are ready to do so.<br />
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If you possibly can, get the two of you to a marriage counsellor. It seeks unlikely to me that your wife will change and become the partner you need and desire as your spouse, BUT it will be helpful for both of you to air your problems in front of a third and ob<x>jective party.<br />
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The counsellor can help BOTH of you recognise any behaviour pattermns that are unhelpful to the ongoing relationship. It is then up to each of you to recognise your own responsibilities AND do something about them. YOU can do everything necessary to make your behaviour positive for the marriage - but as you already know, you can NOT change her behaviour. Only she can do that.<br />
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Your child is the most important person here. Read widely about the pros and cons of staying in or leaving an unhappy marriage where children are involved. THINK about how you could remain both physically close and emotionally close to your little one in a co-parent situation. <br />
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You are very young and you are also very wise. You already know this is NOT the right person for you. You cannot possible live another sixty plus years of your life in such a situation - unless you are prepared to live a totally unhappy and unfulfilled life. Given your age, it is likely you are looking at about fifteen more years before your son leaves the family home . . . do you really think you can stay a sane and reasonably happy man (aka Dad) in that time? I seriously doubt it.

Keep reading at least you will know someone else is going through the same thing.<br />
How long can you go letting someone else control your life? I would make her life as miserable as she makes yours.