After Having A Good Read

MD, am I presumptuous to think you are another Aussie? If so, a very special welcome from the Aussie contingent on ILIASM.



Your feelings are very normal and are representative of almost everyone here. I suspect well over 95% of us first came to this site to see if we could find a "magic bullet" solution to our problem. And that would be because we had already tried everything possible in our existing repertoire without success.



Like you, we soon found that the "magic bullet" solution did not exist - and it is deeply depressing to come to that realisation. The belief that "somewhere out there" is an answer which we have yet to find keeps most of us in our marriages for FAR too long. Realisation that what we seek is non-existent is shattering . . . . .



Take your time now before deciding what comes next. It is a process - and each of us needs to work through this process at our own speed and in our own way. Continue to read widely here and build up your knowledge and understanding of sexless marriage and how it both manifests itself and how it is best handled (or not handled!).



Be open minded and prepared to challenge your thinking. If you are wise, you will seek legal advice about your own situation, should you choose to dissolve the marriage. This does NOT need to be brought into play until you are ready, but it is wise to have the knowledge in your possession in case it becomes relevant in the future.



Consider your "Exit Plan" for the same reasons as above - and again, you might never need it, but having it in reserve brings you some security in an insecure situation.



Haver you considered personal counselling? I am an advocate of this because I believe good counselling assists you to both clarify your own thoughts and feelings, and validates your right to seek personal fulfilment.



May you find the strength, the courage and the grace to move forward in positive ways in your life - whichever direction those positive ways may take you.

Thank you all for your time. Not sure what my next move is.. or if I should even have one at the moment. Might just take stock - it's funny, I didn't think that not doing or saying something means nothing but.... it's as plain as the nose on ones face when you put into context - they are actually telling you plenty, you just have be open to get the message. The more I read on here the clearer it's becoming. Now it's not just about the no sex, there's nothing!! There's no physical attachment between us at all. I workout, shower, usually eat and definately sleep on my own. I feel like the flatmate that cleans up after himself more and more every day. Again, thank you all.

A lot depends on your definition of 'happy endings' MD.



There's a fairly recent story by "Years2" that, to me, is a happy ending. (He dumped his intimacy averse spouse, set out into the rest of his life and is going real well). There are quite a few such tales in here.



But I figure you are looking for the story where the dysfunctional marriage is healed and returns to its' former glory as your preferred version of a 'happy ending'. You are right, those stories are as rare as rocking horse ****.



There's a third (very small and exclusive category) of "rebuilders". Where they tore down the old structure and are jointly erecting a brand new edifice. (look up ModLulu and hl42). This option is probably the most difficult of them all. Closely followed by the "open marriage" people.



Welcome to the jungle.



Tread your own path.

You are right, the only happy endings are those who got out of it or had affairs. Very few of these marriages get better. There just isn't an easy solution. You will not, however, find anyone who left a sexless marriage and regrets it.

You are not the only one feeling lost. A lot of people are at the point where we are just looking for a way to cope with it. It comes down to a question of whether or not you are willing to live the rest of your life like this? Is everything else in the marriage worth holding on to?