The Cycle Of ResentmentHaving looked at a few of the posts here, it appears that I'm not alone. While this provides a welcome sense of camaraderie, it does little to address the physical isolation that has come over my marriage like a morning fog that never seems to burn off.
I'll withhold all the cliched details; you've heard them before. Yes, kids are a distraction and so forth and it would be great to have some time away from them. But I don't think kids are the issue. In short, the situation is this: I work outside the home, my wife is a full time mom. Two kids, one pre teen, the other a full-blown obnoxious teen. Married 10 years. I don't remember when the sex life began to decline, but it's been probably taken 7 years to get to the point we are at. A really good (and rare) month for us is 1 evening of intimacy...and I do believe that happens simply to get me to stop begging! It could go as long as three months without intimacy. Typically not longer than that.
The situation takes a heavy psychological toll on us. She wants more non-sexualized touching (hugs for ex.). I've said I'll make an effort, but when I do, it doesn't seem to make a difference as regards any proportional increase in the frequency of our intimate contact. As such, I feel further isolated and I emotionally pull away from her. I become irritable, am frequently in a bad mood, and become less communicative. Of course, she responds similarly and off we go into a cycle of resentment. Sometimes a fight breaks out and we point fingers at each other. Sometimes we just go for prolonged periods of trying to ignore it, but I admit, I almost always get so frustrated that I become kind of a passive-aggressive *** hoping she'll notice how the lack of contact is impacting me.
The lack of sex doesn't get to her; my ****** attitude does. As for sex, she really doesn't seem to have any interest..
Anyway, I'm venting after a particularly long and isolated evening. Thanks for lending an ear.