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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

For The Most Part...

By: Thereseanna
Written on May 28th, 2012
We do have sex occasionally but I'd refer to it as maintenance sex.

I have to admit that it's my fault. I know he would be receptive to more sex if I seemed more interested. We don't really mesh sexually (and in other areas as well) so it's not something I'm just aching to do. I do often ache to do it, just not with my husband. How awful is that? I have been married going on 17 years and have never had an affair. We had sex quite a lot when we were newly married but I suppose most married couples can say that.
By: Thereseanna
Age: 46-50 , Female
563 people have read this story

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21 responses
  • carencaramel
    carencaramel

    Here's what you can try: Stop focusing so much on sex and your relationship and find some new interests in life...like take a class or try a new hobby.....when you are enthusiastic about life and you're learning and trying new things, that excitement can be brought into your relationship as well. Or, you could just watch some XXXX! I'm not being flip...it can get your brain going in different ways, is all....

    Apr 23
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      Thank you for your suggestions. I sincerely appreciate it.

      Apr 23
      1 like
  • justthinking763
    justthinking763

    I have been married 21 years and we are in the longest dry spell ever. I have tried different things but she does not seem interested in me. I have not cheated on her either but I feel myself getting closer to that point.

    Apr 21
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      I am sorry for what you're going through. Years of marriage should not equal no sex. People who are in these fantastic sexual relationships with their spouse advise me to communciate with him or try this or that. It doesn't work. It's not that my husband does not want to have sex, he does. The problem is that he wants boring sex. I hate to say that about him. I don't want to husband bash. He's a good guy. I encounter men flirting with me at the office, in elevators, etc. and I've come close to flirting back..I do a little but not in an encouraging way.

      Apr 21
      1 like
    • Cottondog
      Cottondog

      Have you tried pushing more of your fantasies his way. What gets him, dressing provocatively, talk, what is it? Just like you we all have buttons we just don't always point to the right one and don't always push the right ones. Certainly not many would say there bedroom activities are everything they want and desire but you are correct that no one should have to live in a sexless marriage. I have often wondered about men like that, wondered what I don't know, just wondered. Truly I hope things will improve.

      Apr 21
      1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      I know how to push his buttons and I do...being provocative, *****-teasing, oral sex, talking dirty, he likes me on top of him, he likes doggie-style...I give him all of that. He's not the one who is bored. I sound like a bad wife, I'm sure.

      Apr 21
      1 like
    • justthinking763
      justthinking763

      Sounds like you are doing everything you can to try and make him happy sexually. What man would not want his wife striping, talking dirty to him and oral on top of that. Wow. I would be as happy as could be. Which would open up so many different other things for us to do.
      I reached a point where I have almost given up because I try and make things different and I get little or no response. I think it may be time to just get her drunk a few times a week. May not be the best but at least it would be something. ;-)

      Apr 21
      1 like
    1 More Reply
  • grabby612
    grabby612

    May I suggest role playing? For example imagine your husband to be Grabby612. Let me know how that one goes.

    Apr 20
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      Now that sounds like a plan....you'll be the first to know.

      Apr 20
      1 like
  • propw4sh
    propw4sh

    Put some spice back in to it, take the lead, make it what you want, tell him what gets you going....even if it's a raunchy fantasy. Trust me, he will respond!

    Apr 20
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      If i told him a raunchy fantasy, he'd look at me like I was crazy. I'll take your word for it though and give it a try one night when I feel inclined to...thanks!

      Apr 20
      1 like
  • Cottondog
    Cottondog

    Hope things have improved over the past year.

    Apr 19
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      We go through times when we're having sex a few times a week (that is a lot for us) and other times when weeks will go by without it...thanks though.

      Apr 19
      1 like
  • paxetlux
    paxetlux

    You could be bored with one another or you could be just bored with life, period. That will do for your libido or enthusiasm for sex pretty well. And that can manifest itself despite you having basic yearnings. That may explain why, men in particular, will quickly wipe one out, often with the aid of ****. A quick solution with no hassle or effort or need to involve or consider others.



    What is your general zest for life? Tired? Even doing the basic essential things something of an effort? Where are your ambitions, dreams, fantasies?

    May 29, 2012
    2 likes
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      After working all day we meet up with our two teenage girls at the gym and when we get home we're both pretty tired. Shower, dinner, TV or computer, and bedtime. Weekends are more eventful and mainly spent with our kids.

      May 29, 2012
      1 like
  • genguy
    genguy

    What you are missing here seems to INTIMACY...One of the MAIN ingredients to a loving relationship. EVERY marriage is a little different but it's not unusual for your sex to wane a little after a while... Don't know what you two LOOK like...But This COULD be a turn off factor also... WHATEVER "IT" is...WORK AT IT!!

    May 28, 2012
    1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      We are most definitely missing true intimacy. Neither one of us is turned off by how the other looks. I often think I should just "do it" for him but I don't know many men who want a woman who is not into it.

      May 28, 2012
      1 like
    • genguy
      genguy

      You seem VERY "apathetic".....At this point...Maybe divorce IS your answer....

      May 28, 2012
      1 like
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      I have thought about it a few times in the past as I know he has as well. We do care about each other but sometimes we are like roommates rather than lovers.

      May 29, 2012
      1 like
  • bazzar
    bazzar

    On another story recently, I offered up an opinion about "Re-set Sex". It is copied here-under



    "About "Re-set sex".

    To a large extent, all adult relationship sex is re-set sex. The essential difference is that in a functional relationship, the re-set is happening at a frequency level that underscores the basic healthy state of the union.

    In a dysfunctional relationship, the reluctant spouse will only engage at a frequency level sufficient to give the illusion of underlying soundness of the union"



    Your story reads like there is some underlying instability in your situation.



    Might be wise to put it under the microscope for a searching examination of the unions viability.



    Tread your own path.

    May 28, 2012
    3 likes
    • Thereseanna
      Thereseanna

      Thanks for your comment. I must admit to dysfunction unfortunately.

      May 28, 2012
      1 like