Progress For Me

Well since my last post Ive been reading and trying to learn. I finally stood up to my wife. I really did and she tried to make me feel really bad. But this time I knew it was coming. So I guess it didn't hurt as much. I actually think it was good for her because she finally had nothing to say. She just left the room. Not that she hasn't done that before, but usually she does it to hurt me and this time she did it because she couldn't respond to me. She likes to think she is smarter and actually she probably is when it comes to how to hurt someone. I have also read almost every story here and Im learning that its not just about sex. I mean the no sex is the worst because I have no control there, but I can see from everyone's stories something about the traits of the "refuser" I like that. It helps. It means that we do share a common experience and that people who take sex away from their spouses have already taken many other things away. I no longer will let her have my thoughts!
deleted deleted
5 Responses May 29, 2012

Hell yes brother! We have to stay strong and share our information. The deck is stacked against us and our #1 weapon is information. Keep up the good fight!

So glad to hear of your progress; in the end, it really is all about how we feel about ourselves because that is what is attack the most. If they don't want a relationship (emotional) with us, they seem to want to keep us at arm's length. I think it is all about POWER and CONTROL over us. I won't give mine the opportunity to refuse me again. I am trying to make an appointment for counseling where this abuse, control issues and his bpd will be brought out...I am living my life emotionally separate from him now. Wishing you the BEST kingston!!!!

I totallly understand. my hubby always likes to think and act like hes smarter than me.

If you continue on this path of making choices ba<x>sed on your own best interests, you WILL shift the balance in the marital dynamic.<br />
<br />
Shift "to where ?" is the great unknown. But if you keep basing your choices on the truth, your path can only lead to the "right" outcome. And that is a great thing.<br />
<br />
Your missus might be smart, but the world is full of intelligent people with no brains. She sure as **** has not been using hers to date. But you are starting to.<br />
<br />
Tread your own path.

Good to hear you are making progress and starting to stand up for yourself. Keep reading up here and learning with the many ways to deal with your problems most particuarly a problematic spouse. Also you will find a lot of support and comfort here.<br />
<br />
Keep standing up for yourself and start to hold her to account for her actions. You cant control her not sleeping with you and her other behavours towards you, but you can control whether or not you tolerate her bad behavour.<br />
<br />
By drawing a line in the sand you are saying to hear i love & respect myself to much to let you abuse me the way you do.<br />
<br />
Stay Strong & Good Luck

"her BAD behavior"?? Are you talking about an adult woman like she's a child? A person's behavior speaks volumes...we in this group need to learn to listen to it, over and above the words that are spoken to us. Sometimes, ego makes it hard to believe that we are just not who the other person wants, and act accordingly, in our own, (and often, realistically? in BOTH parties) best interests. If there is no love left, sometimes, it falls to us to be the adult, and end it for the future happiness of BOTH parties...

Yes it is bad behavour. What else would you call it? If you take off your FemaNazi blinkers you would see it for what it is. I am not singling out women either as just as much men display these behavours as well. Just because someone is an adult it does not mean that they dont act like a child.

Oh and regarding ego yes i agree if she doesn't want him she should end it not torture him with a sexless marriage and accept the comforts and security that being married offers her.