Ow Of A Man Is A Sl MarriageI loved reading all of your stories. Each is reminder of just how important sex and intimacy is to our emotional well being. My story, however, is a bit different; yet I want to share in the hopes that the group, especially the men in sexless marriages, could provide some insight.
Several months ago I came involved with a man in a sexless marriage. He has been in that situation for many years. Of course, my initial question upon learning this was: "Why do you put up with it?" After all, It is his second marriage, he is financially stable and they don't have children together.
My sense, having many conversations with him about his situation, is that he married for convenience, fear and stability and it for those qualities he sticks with it. That said, I can see how the lack of sex and intimacy has hurt his self esteem and confidence. Like many on this site, I see at times resentment toward the wife, followed by him trying to justify the relationship by focusing on the good things.
Here's the kicker: He sought me out while looking for sex, but we have yet to have intercourse. We have a highly charged emotional relationship and there's tons of sexual chemistry. Thus, we do everything but have sex. Given the intense emotional connection, we both know that sex would be the tipping point, forcing us both really examine the affair and actions.
As the OW, I realize that any conclusion he makes about himself, the marriage or wife has to come from within, nor can I be his therapist. Yet, I will say I am bothered when he says things like: "My relationship is great except for this one part" and "I love my wife."
I am not sure if I buy it. As I read on this board and agree, withholding sex and affection from a spouse is a form of emotional abuse. How can you have a happy, fully function marriage without this essential part? Second, if his relationship is so great, how can you explain our emotional connection and our bond?
Thanks for reading.