Like So Many Before Me ..........Like so many of the experiences I have read lately, I can take a piece of each story to create my own experiences in this so call, sexless marriage. I suppose if it were just about the sex, I could truly deal with it all, but it's just not all about the sex anymore. My exhistance has almost come to a halt. In order for me to have any contact with my husband, I do believe I would need to jump off a bridge. Everything is centered around him. He is the only one that can have a bad day at work. He is the only one that needs to be babied on a daily basis. He is the only one that is always right. I have come to a point in my life, that I no longer listen when he speaks. I can look directly into his eyes, but yet not hear one word that comes out of his mouth. I have programmed myself to just move from one day to the next. There have been times, when he's been upset, that he can totally ignore me. He can go 5 to 7 days without speaking a word and walking around the house like I am part of the furniture. All of this, to get attention. To ge me to bend and do more for him. I use to, but now, I have chosen that I am a human being and if he can't treat me with some respect and speak with me when things bother him then I will just continue on as if nothing is wrong. This, of course, only ****** him off more, but at least I am no longer the silent sufferer. I understand that being an only child, he always had his ways, or received what he wanted, but I was 1 of 3 children growing up and never expected to have everything handed to me on a platter.
We have now been together 14 years, married for 10 and have had no intimacy for the last 10 years. Prior to our marriage, I could not have asked for a better lover. Attentive, both mentally and physically, compassionate, caring, just the perfect person. How and why things changed the moment I said I do is far beyond what I can comprehend. What makes a person go from point a to point z in 2.3 seconds is a mystery to me. I didn't change from Friday to Saturday, except now we had a piece of paper between us that stated we were husband and wife. Could this make the difference on how a man can change so quickly? I have tried, I have read, I have researched, I have tried talking, listening, watching and much to my chagrin, nothing. I have recently gone through the phase of counseling, alone I might add, because his reasoning is that there is no problem. I had totally shut down. At a time and point in my life, that I should be enjoying life, I am instead, sitting here and starting to put together an exit plan. I cannot continue to go through life being rejected, unhappy, sad, lonely, and the list could go on and on and on. I can no longer try to justify holding this marriage together on my own. Yes, I will end up losing and starting all over again, but I would rather have nothing then to continue this ... this .... I don't even know what to call it. The future has to be better .... it certainly cannot be any worse.
LadyGem0618 51-55, F 7 Responses 1 Jun 3, 2012