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Staying For The Kids?

I get that it's scary to introduce the concept of divorce when you have children, but it really doesn't get more mainstream that Yahoo Shine...

http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/5-ways-divorce-benefits-kids-175600897.html

Seems very common-sense, but sometime it's hard to see common sense when you are in the midst of it....and our kids are sensing and seeing much more than most of us understand or appreciate...

Speaking as someone on the "other side"? It's really not the end of the world. It's a whole new beginning, and my kids, at least, are grateful.

Best of luck...
gonebabygone gonebabygone 41-45, F 6 Responses Jun 3, 2012

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I LEFT my now exh for my son's welfare. He was tired of seeing his "daddy and half sister" treating me so badly all the time. He was HAPPY when we left our family home and got an apartment; he was 8 years old and has had the relationship with his dad that his DAD has wanted and invested into. I have divorced and remarried since then...<br />
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It really all depends upon the situation; the children and how much and what kind of abuse there is in the family. Sometimes, in my case, it IS better to LEAVE. It was hurtful to everyone for us to STAY. I am glad that I made the decision that I did...<br />
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Wishing you hope and strength to make the wisest decisions for you and your children. HUGS>

A word of advice from someone that's there now. I stayed for my kids. We have been married for over 30 yrs. I wanted to leave at the 8 yr point. I had a plan. The plan was to divorce her when the kids were adults. Well she came down with ms and i've been her care giver for over 20 yrs now. My adult kids have very little to do with their mother. She was verbally abusive to them and to me. They all want me to put her in a nursing home, but the problem is i'm not wealthy and I can't afford to do that. I've been miserable for over 25 yrs. I now think it would have been better for the kids if I had divorced her back then. She now says that she is sorry for what she did to the kids and me for so many years. She even tries to initiate sex. I have no desire to be intimate with her. That ship left years ago. My kids have suggested that I at least find a girlfriend. How do you think that makes me feel? Well after all these years i'm now looking for someone on the side. Don't wait too long to leave. My kids would have been better off with divided custody. I didn't see that then, but I see it now.

Sadly (wishing this were not true!), the above is what I've read, also. In other words, if the couple is "quietly disengaged" but there is no inordinary arguing, maltreatment, etc., then the kids are mostly better off in that environment. I've read 75% of kids will do fine post-divorce but the remainder will be negatively impacted, some severely.<br />
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I hate this data, to be honest, it's a big reason why I, myself, cannot decide whether to leave or stay. The kids shouldn't be the "fallout" -wish there were a definitive way to know which ones would weather divorce OK and which wouldn't- not so obvious!

My children are happy that BOTH of their parents seem calmer, saner, more able to focus on THEIR needs, since we split...<br />
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I want to model a REAL, heathy relationship for my son and daughter. That was NOT gonna happen in my marriage....and may not happen OUTSIDE my marriage. But I sure as **** didn't want them to follow in my footsteps to an UN healthy relationship

Love it!

It is good that this subject gets a run again. It is a matter affecting many ILIASM situations.<br />
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A recent contributer who made the real hard call on this referred to it as "Leaving for the kids", which I thought was a very different, and healthy way of looking at the situation, as opposed to the entrenched - almost automatic first reaction of thinking "Staying for the kids".<br />
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Tread your own path.

The article makes some good points. Also linked within the article are two videos.<br />
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"Whose Needs Should Come First: Mine or My Kids'?"<br />
http://www.yourtango.com/2012150390/whose-needs-should-come-first-mine-or-my-kids-video<br />
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"Can Divorce Ever Be Good For You?"<br />
http://www.yourtango.com/2012151093/can-divorce-ever-be-good-you-video

Lol, can divorce ever be good for you.

Best thing that has happened to me in years.

ME, too, FM!!