14th Anniversary TodayI have been trying to write this on and off all day.
14 years of my life down the drain. Well I do have a beautiful 10 y.o. son who is the light of my life. For the last 5 years I have been bending over backwards because I know that children suffer the most in a divorce. But I have come to realize that if I can't be myself, I can't be the father I want to be. So last month I told her I wanted out. We agreed to hold off on splitting up until the school year was over. Well next Tuesday is his last day of school.
So 14 years of marriage, 7 years of celibacy (recently broken) and I am beginning to come back to myself. Thanks to Ashley Madison I have found someone who actually likes to be touched. And thanks to EP's ANR group I've found somebody to share an activity that I won't mention here (I know my profile scares some of you).
Last night after the boy was tucked in bed, I put on my shoes. "Where are you going?" my refuser asked. Out to visit a friend I replied. And I spent a blissful two hours out of the house. Realize that this is not something I do. I am not a barfly, a movie goer or otherwise engage in activities that take me away from my family. This morning she called me an a**hole. In the past I cringed when she criticized me and I would bite my tongue if I had anything to say. This morning it was like water off a duck's back. As she walked through the door I had no regrets. You made your bed now lie in it, I thought.
I'm sure she'll try to eviscerate me during the divorce process and try to keep my son from me. But for the first time in years I feel like my life is going somewhere.