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14th Anniversary Today

I have been trying to write this on and off all day.
14 years of my life down the drain. Well I do have a beautiful 10 y.o. son who is the light of my life. For the last 5 years I have been bending over backwards because I know that children suffer the most in a divorce. But I have come to realize that if I can't be myself, I can't be the father I want to be. So last month I told her I wanted out. We agreed to hold off on splitting up until the school year was over. Well next Tuesday is his last day of school.

So 14 years of marriage, 7 years of celibacy (recently broken) and I am beginning to come back to myself. Thanks to Ashley Madison I have found someone who actually likes to be touched. And thanks to EP's ANR group I've found somebody to share an activity that I won't mention here (I know my profile scares some of you).

Last night after the boy was tucked in bed, I put on my shoes. "Where are you going?" my refuser asked. Out to visit a friend I replied. And I spent a blissful two hours out of the house. Realize that this is not something I do. I am not a barfly, a movie goer or otherwise engage in activities that take me away from my family. This morning she called me an a**hole. In the past I cringed when she criticized me and I would bite my tongue if I had anything to say. This morning it was like water off a duck's back. As she walked through the door I had no regrets. You made your bed now lie in it, I thought.

I'm sure she'll try to eviscerate me during the divorce process and try to keep my son from me. But for the first time in years I feel like my life is going somewhere.
xp42 xp42 56-60, M 9 Responses Jun 7, 2012

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It sounds like a step in the right direction. You're 'feeling' again and, after such a long time, that's such a wonderful thing. I'm glad you made the decision to make that change. It should be better for you and your son. I hope he is doing well and can understand what is going on. It's still a long hard road for all of you, but it looks like a good start. I hope she can understand that too.

My best advice? Now that the decision has been made, get out of the house! Don't let this linger and fester more than it has to. Find a place to live that has a space for your son and get on to your happy life. Good luck!

Speaking as someone whose parents stayed too long in a bad relationship, I'm very glad to hear - finally - someone who DOESN'T say he/she is "staying in it for the kids." That's a load of crap from the kids' side, I wish my parents had split sooner so I wouldn't have had to grow up in a home so lacking in love (between the parents), so full of arguing and tension. As I look back, it's no wonder I rarely had friends over.

She calls you an arsehole for going out for a couple of hours to visit a friend?<br />
<br />
Wow, what a treasure. I am truly amazed ...<br />
I'm sure you can do better without even looking very hard.<br />
<br />
Best -P.

Seems you didn't get the drift. It was a special visit with a special friend, to put it in polite terms.

According to what's written up above, he said he was seeing a friend - which might've been a guy to have a cold one with and talk about abusive wives ...

Yes my words were "To visit a friend." Yes it was a special friend. But she doesn't know that, so she assumes the worst. And why does she care? We agreed to split 3 weeks ago, and she requested that I stop kissing her 2 or 3 years ago. I mean really, she's made her bed.

Yes, that's just how I figured it :-)
I think you're going to be well rid of her. Your life should improve by an order of magnitude! --- my best wishes -P.

I think he's on his way to a much better life now. For both him and his son. Best wishes for that better life!

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Quoting you here- " I know that children suffer the most in a divorce- "<br />
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How do you know this ?<br />
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Tread your own path.

I've heard it from people whose parent's divorced and from parents who saw their children's reaction to their divorce.

Have you also heard from those who WISHED their parents had divorced? Or give thanks that their parents did divorce? "Staying for the kids" ius a very thorny issue and not easily decided. I suggest you consider carefully what sort of marriage you and your wife are modelling for your children . . . Do you really want them to end up in a marriage just like your's???

Indeed this and the above mention desire to be the best father I could be is what tipped the balance for me.

Thank you my dear. Strangely enough before we were married she gave me my one and only whipping, then when I reached my limit, she rolled me over and f**ked me like an animal.

And you probably thought..." great!, our sex life will be filled with stuff like this!"

That is sooo common with refusers.

So true. I thought we had an understanding. I thought I had found the one.

:( ...d@mn, that would have caught me too...

Good for you! I'm happy for you. <br />
<br />
We all are what we are. You SHOULD be true to your sexual self. Not a thing wrong with that. You'll find someone who shares your kinks, trust me.

Hooray!

You have totalled up the bill for her actions and presented her with the account owing. She has taken a look at that bill and does not like the accumilated figure.<br />
<br />
Guess What?? Thats her problem. She now has to pay the price and you are on your way to being free and happy.<br />
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Stay Strong &amp; Good Luck