Giving Up Is Not An Option

My husband had a very stressful week at work and on Thursday, he told me he was going away for the weekend alone.  I was not happy about it but I bit my tongue.  He called me from work on Friday and told me was leaving and when he decided where he was going he would call me.  He called me later to tell me he was in Richmond and I asked him where he was staying and he said he didn't want to tell me because I might come down there.  I told him I had plans for the weekend and I was not interested in driving 2 hours to check up on him and so he told me where he was staying.  He called me later that night to tell me goodnight.  On Saturday morning he called and left me a text message (it said "I'm up and I love you") but I was playing for a funeral and I sent him a text that said I loved him too.  Well since he wanted to be alone I so I didn't call him and I didn't here from him until Sunday at about 1pm and he said that we have to have a long talk but he wouldn't tell me what it was about. (He was mad that I didn't call him on Saturday).  I called him back and asked him if he was leaving me and he said he would talk to me when he got home and don't **** him off.  He didn't come home until after 5 pm and the first thing I asked was if he was leaving me and he said what if I am and he said what would I do if he was and I told him there was nothing I could do and if he had made his mind up then there was nothing I could do.  Well he told me that I was not happy anymore (WTF) he is the one who is always going through something, having a bad day, week, month, year, decade (if you know what I mean).  I told him that I am happy with myself but I never know what his mood is so I kinda walk on eggshells with him.  He said we have a sexless marriage (not my fault I want to have sex all the time but if I want to talk about it he doesn't want to talk to me).  He basically said he wants me to lose more weight ( I told him I would have the lap band surgery as soon as my insurance would allow it) but he is not willing to make a commitment on him losing weight and he told me he is not attracted to me sometimes and sometimes he is and that he doesn't always want to be around me.  [Let me explain something about me, I work 3 jobs that I love but its still 3 jobs and I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, bill paying (he does give me money) and I have to pull teeth to get him to help me out with house work and he complains when I am behind on the cleaning or especially the laundry.  He only works 1 job and he never comes right home after work (he blames this on stress).   I come home after work unless it I have household errands to run.  I go out on Friday to dinner with my niece and my friend but he is not home anyway most of the time and it is usually my only fun outing during the week for myself.  I have suffered a nerve related headache everyday for almost 8 years and have endured six surgeries ( and I have to have more) but I have never let this interfere with work or my responsiblities to my husband.  I don't mind cooking or serving him or doing any of that stuff but what do I get?] I told him that he is so unhappy with himself that he can't see what he has in me and I have been his cheerleader and defender even when his own family treats him like crap.  I told him I want him to do special things just for me but he wanted me to tell him what to do and I gave him examples of what I do for him but I don't think he heard me.  I love my husband with all my heart and I meant my vows when we got married but today I am really hurting and I have not cried over my situation and I cried like a baby tonight.  I just don't know what to do because he doesn't want to work on himself but I am willing to go to the ends of the earth to make this work.  Giving up is not an option!!!! Help.

towson1969 towson1969
41-45, F
5 Responses Jun 2, 2008

hey towson1969 ~ try to put yourself first tomorrow. you are making a decision to work it out, so that mean taking him for what he is. try to remember that you can make another decision to like you the way you are. <br />
sure there needs to be compromise in a relationship, just remember that compromise requires both sides to do something. sacrifice is the term used when only one person gives up something...the flip is freeloading.<br />
good luck.

Sounds like your man has the emotional stability of a pre-pub teen. I don't get jerks like him. He is so miserable with himself that he tries to bring you down to his darkness. I bet he stayed in a hotel room in Richmond and j'off'd to **** all weekend....

Control games. Don't play them.

Control games. Don't play them.

Its hard to give up when you put so much of yourself into this relationship . But there comes a time when you have to add the cost to yourself . What is the total of this long term goal ? will add into something you will look forward too in the long run ? Be sincere with yourself ask other for an opinion , By what you've written I've think you have an answer , it's not the last statement .<br />
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physical dislike are usual last ditch effort at breaking up relationships