I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I have just released 150+ pounds. Not only my common law relationship of 15 years but stuff!
As I am going through our things as I am packing, I have come to realize many things about myself, our situation and the now defunct relationship. If you have been or are in this place, there is reason to be hopeful. My wish for you is to get to the place where you are happy and if reading my note helps in anyway then I am grateful to have shared it.
My goal is to get the home ready for sale by July 1st and to be in my new residence by Sept. 1, 2011. I have to give myself a deadline because if anything , I have learned that while going through our stuff I now see why I procrastinated for so long deciding to end the relationship. I was so unhappy for many years but it got to be habit, routine or comfortable. I got lazy after always trying to fight what I wanted. Be it sex, companionship or attention. I tried to change a man who didn't want to change and was happy to ... just be.
He isn't a bad man. He is just not the man I choose to be with. I was comfortable living like I was and to change that was a lot of work, scary and fear of the unknown. I am giving myself personal deadlines to keep myself accountable because at this point, I am the one who has orchestrated everything. He has chosen to drag his heels. I truly understand why. I've been in the place he is but I now choose to move forward.
Sifting through your stuff has brought back many reminders of pleasant and unpleasant events within the fifteen years. I have three places the stuff will go: Garbage, Recycle or Donate. Everything that I am donating, I am cleaning, washing and I remind myself -- Would I be happy to receive this? Some of it was just plain junk. Junk is still junk no matter how you dress it up!
Releasing all these things has given me so much FREEDOM! It is amazing! I am excited about creating my own space. I am mindful of the accumulation of stuff and want to keep things simple.
One of the rooms I have been avoiding tackling was our bedroom. Well, it hasn't been our bedroom for quite some time because for 14 of the 15 years I slept in our bed alone. I pulled out drawers, cupboards, dressers, clothing, closets, shelves and it took me most of today but I cannot believe how bad I allowed it to get! It wasn't dirty or anything like that but it got so cluttered with stuff. It was not to the hoarders level but I can see how going through a relationship breakdown can cause depression, self doubt and self loathing. The feelings of not being good enough.
If I did this, then it would bring this. I bought stuff to make me happy because I was unhappy and needed that surge, the euphoria or rush. Clothes, fragrances, shoes, etc.. No substitute for what I truly wanted.
I purged and at the end of the day I washed all the windows, cleaned all the mirrors, ******** all the linens, opened the windows and bought myself a bouquet of fresh flowers. I had a glass of wine and smiled. Its been a long time in coming.
Why? Because I am ******* worth it! Its just taken me a long time to realize that my happiness, satisfaction and partnership isn't negotiable, debatable or taken because its owed!
As I am going through our things as I am packing, I have come to realize many things about myself, our situation and the now defunct relationship. If you have been or are in this place, there is reason to be hopeful. My wish for you is to get to the place where you are happy and if reading my note helps in anyway then I am grateful to have shared it.
My goal is to get the home ready for sale by July 1st and to be in my new residence by Sept. 1, 2011. I have to give myself a deadline because if anything , I have learned that while going through our stuff I now see why I procrastinated for so long deciding to end the relationship. I was so unhappy for many years but it got to be habit, routine or comfortable. I got lazy after always trying to fight what I wanted. Be it sex, companionship or attention. I tried to change a man who didn't want to change and was happy to ... just be.
He isn't a bad man. He is just not the man I choose to be with. I was comfortable living like I was and to change that was a lot of work, scary and fear of the unknown. I am giving myself personal deadlines to keep myself accountable because at this point, I am the one who has orchestrated everything. He has chosen to drag his heels. I truly understand why. I've been in the place he is but I now choose to move forward.
Sifting through your stuff has brought back many reminders of pleasant and unpleasant events within the fifteen years. I have three places the stuff will go: Garbage, Recycle or Donate. Everything that I am donating, I am cleaning, washing and I remind myself -- Would I be happy to receive this? Some of it was just plain junk. Junk is still junk no matter how you dress it up!
Releasing all these things has given me so much FREEDOM! It is amazing! I am excited about creating my own space. I am mindful of the accumulation of stuff and want to keep things simple.
One of the rooms I have been avoiding tackling was our bedroom. Well, it hasn't been our bedroom for quite some time because for 14 of the 15 years I slept in our bed alone. I pulled out drawers, cupboards, dressers, clothing, closets, shelves and it took me most of today but I cannot believe how bad I allowed it to get! It wasn't dirty or anything like that but it got so cluttered with stuff. It was not to the hoarders level but I can see how going through a relationship breakdown can cause depression, self doubt and self loathing. The feelings of not being good enough.
If I did this, then it would bring this. I bought stuff to make me happy because I was unhappy and needed that surge, the euphoria or rush. Clothes, fragrances, shoes, etc.. No substitute for what I truly wanted.
I purged and at the end of the day I washed all the windows, cleaned all the mirrors, ******** all the linens, opened the windows and bought myself a bouquet of fresh flowers. I had a glass of wine and smiled. Its been a long time in coming.
Why? Because I am ******* worth it! Its just taken me a long time to realize that my happiness, satisfaction and partnership isn't negotiable, debatable or taken because its owed!
Age:
36-40
,
Female
