I Live In a Sexless Marriage
I am an early-forties male, married to a wonderful woman of 50 for fifteen years. She has a wide variety of medical issues. She had been Type I diabetic since since childhood, and then as an adult began accumulating all the others: obesity, poor circulation, diabetic retinopathy, asthma, Sweet's syndrome and others. She once fell out of our van, and screwed up a disk or two in her back. All of these health problems, taken together, have prevented her from every having worked a full-time job. She had a part-time gig for a few years in the beginning, but has not been able to work that for many years either. For the past five years, she has not been able to drive a car, and she cannot walk from the front of the house to the back of the house without pausing to stop somewhere in the middle. Everywhere we go, I must help her to the van (which is outfitted with a crane to help me with scooters and wheelchairs), help her get out, and do everything for her. Within the past year, even leaving the house is becoming a rare event.
My son and I do all the housework, because she is utterly unable to. Before long, she will probably be an a wheelchair full-time, and I will need get certain passages in the house widened so she may pass through.
When I proposed to her back in 1997, she warned me that she was going to be a physical burden to me as the years wore on. To her credit, she gave me a chance to get out of the relationship, because she didn't want me to feel 'trapped' years later (i.e. now). But becaue I love her so much (and to be clear, I still do), I told her that I still wanted to marry her. We did, and we still are married. All is well except for this SM bit.
What I never imagined is that her worsening disability would expand to exclude sexual contact. She insists that she still finds me attractive, and I still find her as beautiful as ever. In fact, I turned out to a BBW fan, and so her increasing weight makes me want her even more. Our bedroom arrangement is miserable too. Due to her inability to lie down due to breathing difficulties, she sleeps in a recliner in the corner of our room. I say "recliner" because that's what it is, but she doesn't dare actually recline more than about 10 degrees, otherwise the breathing difficulty kicks in again. She's been to a bunch of different doctors, and none of them have been able to help her without surgery. She is open to surgery, but none of these doctors want to risk anything on her.
Most times when I zoom in for a kiss or a hug, she cuts it short, saying she can't breathe. Sex, when it does happen, only happens in one particularly unsatisfying position and must be over as soon as possible, again because of the breathing.
I know her medical issues are real. I'm the one who takes her to the doctor, and I'm also the breadwinner with the health insurance that she's on. But I'm starting to find it difficult to believe that there aren't more times when some intimacy is possible. I still want her above any other woman in the world, and I have no intention of leaving. I want to continue to be faithful, but as things are, I find myself thinking of an affair with someone else in the same situation.
Any thoughts are well appreciated.
tealjay
My son and I do all the housework, because she is utterly unable to. Before long, she will probably be an a wheelchair full-time, and I will need get certain passages in the house widened so she may pass through.
When I proposed to her back in 1997, she warned me that she was going to be a physical burden to me as the years wore on. To her credit, she gave me a chance to get out of the relationship, because she didn't want me to feel 'trapped' years later (i.e. now). But becaue I love her so much (and to be clear, I still do), I told her that I still wanted to marry her. We did, and we still are married. All is well except for this SM bit.
What I never imagined is that her worsening disability would expand to exclude sexual contact. She insists that she still finds me attractive, and I still find her as beautiful as ever. In fact, I turned out to a BBW fan, and so her increasing weight makes me want her even more. Our bedroom arrangement is miserable too. Due to her inability to lie down due to breathing difficulties, she sleeps in a recliner in the corner of our room. I say "recliner" because that's what it is, but she doesn't dare actually recline more than about 10 degrees, otherwise the breathing difficulty kicks in again. She's been to a bunch of different doctors, and none of them have been able to help her without surgery. She is open to surgery, but none of these doctors want to risk anything on her.
Most times when I zoom in for a kiss or a hug, she cuts it short, saying she can't breathe. Sex, when it does happen, only happens in one particularly unsatisfying position and must be over as soon as possible, again because of the breathing.
I know her medical issues are real. I'm the one who takes her to the doctor, and I'm also the breadwinner with the health insurance that she's on. But I'm starting to find it difficult to believe that there aren't more times when some intimacy is possible. I still want her above any other woman in the world, and I have no intention of leaving. I want to continue to be faithful, but as things are, I find myself thinking of an affair with someone else in the same situation.
Any thoughts are well appreciated.
tealjay
By:
tealjay
Age:
41-45
,
Male
