Week 2 Of Counseling

Yesterday was our 2nd counseling session. Our therapist kept repeating, "There's nothing wrong with a wife wanting to have sex with her husband."

I cried for almost the whole hour.

I guess it was easier telling myself that there was something wrong with me than something wrong with my marriage.
seattlechick seattlechick
31-35, F
9 Responses Jun 10, 2012

The self-blame is the worst part of all of these situations. It robs you of your self-esteem, self-worth and any feelings of sexiness so necessary for intimacy. Best of luck!

When I finally announced during a counselling session that I wanted to end the marriage, the counsellor had a huge smile on her face like "YAY YOU GO GIRL!!!!!"<br />
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I think your counsellor may be trying to tell you something...

The bell rang pretty clearly in that session by the sound of it. And there is no "un-ringing it"<br />
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Tread your own path.

My wife never said it was abnormal for me to want sex (say 2--3 times a week when we married, once a week at 35). She also maintained it was perfectly normal for her to want much less of it (once in two months). She was right, as always. People are different.

So very true. But if you are to both be happy, then it is unlikely it can be with each other. But, as VB would say, you know that . . .

So effectively he's saying he can't give you what you need (sex), so he feels sorry for you. Oh, and he won't be getting in the mood any time soon because he's 'unhappy with life', and probably you as well.<br />
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If I heard that, I think I'd be sitting in stunned silence. Where can you go from there?<br />
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Do you think there is any way that your H will ever satisfy your very normal needs? And could you and your H ever return to a normal sex life without resentment entering the picture?

I don't know. I'm hopeful that counseling will help us reach a level of emotional intimacy that fulfills me enough to stay happy in the relationship. It would be one thing to have less sex than I'd like but still feel closely connected. But to have no sex and little intimacy outside the bedroom is unbearable. I hate rushing to conclusions but... He's adopted. He says it has zero impact on who he is as a person but I've gotta wonder.

Of course it has had zero inpoact - in HIS opinion!! But in reality it may be HUGELY significant. Do you know at what age he was adopted? That could give you a massive clue as to whether there is ANY hope for him to become more intimate with you. PM me if you wish.

What a b-hole these men are well I don't know what they are grow a penis and use it for god sakes let the balls drop. I once thought maybe they are just not into women but after hearing so many stories they are just psychologically sexually stunted in some way. Brain chemistry is off or something I would like to think most red blooded american males are not like this and more like myself on the other hand I thought ba<x>sed on my experiences the wife is the one to refuse I am more aware now that it is mostly the reverse but it stings either way for either sex. Sorry you guys and girls have it bad out there. I am just glad we have resolved our problems at least for the time being.

I think this stereotype cuts both ways. I assumed any man would want sex and so I thought things would get better as we went along. And then when they didn't I also felt unique and unable even to joke about it.

at least you guys are going to counseling. my husband implied to me that "i can't always have it my way" ...evidently my desire for sex /emotional intimacy was seen by him as selfish....if it is, so be it.

Oh gosh I understand... The if onlys can kill you, I am glad you are getting the validation you need in the counseling session. That does not always happen! Take care and be strong.

Funny how we blame ourselves.