Just Two Good People But Not Kindred Souls

You already know that this relationship has a lot to be desired. You are reaching out to people here. Think very carefully about what your future holds for the two of you. A stunted life waits for the future. A kind of half life emotionally. Yes, this would be bothersome to many.

It is true that sometimes, time just wears away desire or sexual interest..and so love wanes..But at the same time..your given one chance at life..and so when your last day of life faces you....you want to at least say..i did the best i could with the life i was given..i didn't just settle..i didn't just exist....I lived, i loved, I laughed, and i cared about people in my life, and they truly cared about me..My life mattered to the people I was with..

True , and sometimes it's one that falls out of love .i know how hard it is to start over .coming home to a empty house .no one to cook for .you have to do what right for you .you and your wife both need to be happy .who knows maybe later in life you two will fall for each other again .i hear of people doing this .I wish you all the luck .i hope you find love and happiness .

If you are open about these feelings with your wife and she wants to stay for her own reasons, I sympathise with your plight.



If instead you are dishonest about this and leading her on so you won't be lonely, you are scum.

Oh it's fine being all understanding and even handed.



And then you can actually want a relationship where both parties are busting a gut for each other. Extending themselves, exploring.



Or you can have stasis, at least for a while.



Your call.

Take it on personal recommendation. Loneliness is something you can accommodate, adjust to. I won't recommend it per se, but neither will I deprecate it. It does have advantages as well as disadvantages, as being married has. What I like about it conceptually is the freedom it can grant you. Not from the perspective of doing what you want when you want but from the point of view of living in a long-term relationship can then be a choice, not a compunction. Put another way, you can afford to be as picky as you like or maybe just need to.



As far as your health issues are concerned, they are yours. Deal with them, minimalise them by whatever practical means. Stop relying on a putative live-in nurse. It's just so unseemly.



Sort it, mate! Stop being a little boy and be a man. You are obligated to yourself.

So I am pretty sure this all got turned around. I think what starts as one persons refusal turns into another spouses resentment...then the spiral begins.

So, you have no desire for your wife, refuse her sexually, and think of her like a sister?



Do you think it's fair to HER to stay married to her? I see a lot, a WHOLE lot of selfishness in that.



It might not be anyone's fault that you don't desire her, but staying when you don't is your fault.



Don't you think she deserves to be married to someone who desires her?



*Edited to add--- it was pointed out below by Lance that perhaps I misinterpreted your post. If I did, I'm sorry, it wasn't intentional, and I don't want to jump to conclusions. However I still think you need to consider whether or not your actions, or inactions, are damaging to BOTH of you....

Yep.



Sometimes it is no-one in particulars fault.



And the fear of lonelyness is common in any event (new relationship or no relationship ahead).



None of the above get you a pass on the life law of choice unfortunately.



Tread your own path.