I Made Vows For Forever And Don't Know How Much Longer I Can Hold On :(I've been married over 10 years. My DH is a good man, a kind man, a wonderful father. He's my best friend and I enjoy his company. But our marriage is sexless. When we dated we didn't do very much because of our religious beliefs. When we first got married I was a bit saddened by how basic our love life was - and how little we did, about twice a week to start out with. This quickly slipped to once a week, then once a month...after about 7 years I was so upset and depressed, gaining more and more weight, substituting my desire for sex with a desire for food. Amazingly, miraculously, I fell pregnant after only having sex once in 4 months (like they say, it only takes the one time) and having a baby made me happy again. I put all my doubts about sex aside. Our child is 5 and we have only had sex once since he was born, about 3 months after he was born.
DH is aware of how I feel, he says that he just doesn't feel very much 'down there' and this has been of problem of his for years. I've begged him to go see specialists, he does and then doesn't follow up etc. He's just not interested. He says he doesn't think about it or care much although he's sad it makes me sad (what an understatement).
I'm more than sad now. I am starting to feel resentful, i'm starting to feel i've missed out on such a nice part of marriage. I ache to be touched in a sexual way (DH is very affectionate but not sexually), to make love, to have hot meaningless sex, to share those 'looks' that couples do when they are sharing and remembering something only they could know. Real intimacy.
I know I was naive to think things would get better, hotter with a bit of time, patience and practice (my DH was a lot less experienced than I was when we got together - not that i'm some expert either, i'm not!). I thought it would be fun. I'll be honest and say that I would have still married him knowing all this because I love him so much and I thought sex in marriage was only a small part of it. But when you're not having it it seems like a huge part of it.
I have always taken the vows I made to him in our marriage seriously and I hate the fact that I think about other men now, encounters, and wonder how i'm going to last another 30-40 years like this.
I am comforted (and saddened) to know others are in the same position. I sometimes feel like i'm the only woman going through this. I smile and agree when my friends tell me about their husbands and their filthy minds and constant demands for sex and it makes me feel like there must be something wrong with me because I don't seem to have any answers or ways to make my husband want to want me.
Thanks for reading xx