It's All My FaultI can see now, after 13 or 14 tortuous years, that I should lay the blame of my sexless marriage squarely upon myself.
I was too eager to compromise myself. I was too eager to please others and let go of my hopes and dreams. I sacrificed my time, my money, and my soul for a woman who was basically a parasite.
With almost 5 decades of experience under my belt, I can see that I probably shouldn't even be living in the same little town I grew up in. I never liked it. I don't know why, but I never fit in anywhere here. Anytime I had a chance to leave I allowed other family members to interfere and ruin it for me.
I think, the biggest reason that I am here in this town and in this marriage is that I failed to plan for myself. The times I have planned I allowed other people's needs and priorities to override my needs. I also think it was the easy way out for me. Put other people first and it gives you an excuse for not taking care of yourself.
I recall reading in "Think and Grow Rich" that the successful people in life were the ones who trusted their gut, acted quickly on their gut feelings, and seldom changed their minds. They did not fall victim to changing their minds and being swayed by others. Whereas, my whole life was ba
I should have left my marriage 15 years ago. I should have left this town 25 years ago. I am not saying the grass is greener anywhere else. Life can be just as hard or joyous anywhere. I am saying what is right for me and my life.
So, there will be big changes for the next 45 years. They won't be easy, but I will plan them, act on them, and they will happen.
I will live my life being directed from within. I will make my decisions and stick with them. I will not allow family members to tell me that I won't be able to make it, as I have my life thus far.
There is no reason the next half of my life can't be as fun, exciting and prosperous and the first half was miserable, stifling, and soul crushing.