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Leaving Was The Best Thing I Ever Did!!!

Leaving my sexless marriage took two years. Dozens of hours of crying. Sleepless nights tossing and turning in fear.

Nervous breakdown over finances.

And, a year of being totally heart broken.

And, it was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it.

I am happy. My ex is happy. My daughter doesn't like we are split, but in a lot of ways, SHE is happier.

Life is not perfect (when is it ever)? But, it is good. I am getting to know myself all over again. I am starting a new career. The friendships I fostered during the last years of my marriage have held and I have a wonderful and diverse group of supportive, loving people who share my new happiness.

And, I am totally in love with a long time friend and now boyfriend for the past seven months. Wonderful guy. Healthiest choice of a partner I ever made. And, get this......regular sex. Really hot and good regular sex! It goes far beyond the sex, but it is there. Strong and burning like it never was in my marriage.

Oh, to be truly desired by a man I love! I never thought it would happen. But, I look in those green eyes and his pupils literally dilate! He looks hungry. It still surprises me.

We are starting to talk about the future. We both want the same things. We want each other (all the time) :)

It was excruciating leaving my ex. I loved him and in some ways, I will always love him. But, we were terrible romantic partners. And, it does my heart good to see him happy with a new girlfriend (a friend from his teen years). I wish them the best, and I mean it. The end was so awful for both of us.

But, it was honest. And, if there is any advice I can give that might help someone make a good decision about staying or leaving it would be this.....

Be honest with yourself. Really honest. Don't live on hope and empty promises that never come true. It was crystal clear by the time I left that we were never going to have a romantic, intimate life. I didn't expect a fairy tale, but I did expect physical and emotional intimacy from my marriage. I was willing to compromise a long way, but once you compromise yourself and that is all you find yourself doing, it is time for a reality check.

And, don't let the fear of change and loss dictate your choices.

The energy you put out comes flying back. Courage and love to all of you and as always, my deepest thanks to everyone on this board who wrote to me during my darkest times!



rosedl rosedl 41-45, F 23 Responses Jun 17, 2012

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I'm SO glad you ask this in UK Monsoon<br />
<br />
My wise old Irish ma had me reading books from age 2<br />
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By end of primary school, I'd read nearly all the best classic books<br />
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My first Headmaster told ma, "I'm not saying he's a genius, but he's not far off!"<br />
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Bipolar = The Genius Illness - as in classic book, Impressive Depressives - @ all the most creative folk in history, worldwide<br />
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Punchline?<br />
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I'll be 65 in 6 months & I'm a lifelong student: I urge any bored, frustrated folk in EP to search youtube @ ANY topic that grabs ya, adding, 'tutorials'<br />
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You can study ANYTHING - from beginners to masterclass - in bite-size 5-min parts, easy to replay till ready to go on to the next part, OK?<br />
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You'll be fascinated by http://www.LiverpoolOneChurch.com<br />
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We worship God passionately cuz-passionate-God-created-us-to-be-wholehearted<br />
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http://peoplegetready.org/worship/passionate-god-created-wholehearted/<br />
<br />
ENJOY

You'll be fascinated by http://www.LiverpoolOneChurch.com<br />
<br />
We worship God passionately cuz-passionate-God-created-us-to-be-wholehearted<br />
<br />
http://peoplegetready.org/worship/passionate-god-created-wholehearted/<br />
<br />
ENJOY

flagged

FREAKING AMAZING STORY!!!<br />
Good for you!!! <br />
You deserve to be happy and I'm glad you finally are.<br />
Best of luck!

I'm so happy for you rosedl, I have also decided it time to move on after being marriage 6yrs and being unhappy and miserable in this marriage and at lease the best thing about this is we don't have kids to worry about I really don't know why I was hanging on to this Sexless marriage. I have no love for him anymore and I'm sick of pretending in front of his family while inside I'm dying and crying my heart out. Hopefully soon I will have good news to share too, because I have ask to moved out by the end of this month June2012 wish me luck ladies

Best of luck in your new life!

This gave me goosebumps. I logged in because I needed a dose of reality and courage. My husband is thousands of miles away and all I'm doing is remembering the good stuff. <br />
<br />
Today he called so our son could talk to him for Father's Day. Then I spoke to him for a little while and then when we were hanging up, he just said bye. I said, I love you, and he said, Oh, yeah, I love you too. I shouldn't have said it, but it's true. I married him because he made me look forward to growing old. He made me feel like the only girl in the world. I felt like I was making an amazing decision for myself, and I loved him with my whole heart. When I see anything romantic, I think of us when we were dating. I remember the butterflies I got in my stomach every time I saw him. I remember when he said he didn't get butterflies - he got seagulls. I remember laughing in bed while we watched movies and talked about our future. We were silly and fun. We treated each other with respect, and stayed in bed until noon. Our kisses were passionate and everything we did together came easy.<br />
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I will never understand how we ended up here. My heart will ache for a long time to come, but knowing what we had and seeing where we are is just too much for me. I can't long for him any more. I can't hope and pray that he'll snap out of it and be who he used to be with me. I want him to hold me and to kiss me and to make love to me like he used to. But I know it will never happen. He apologized for being a bad husband. I told him I don't want him to be sorry, I want him to be what he promised to be. He said that he can't promise anything. He said he promised he would never hurt me when we were dating, and he never should've promised me that. <br />
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I really hope that in 2 years time, I'm posting a message like yours. From where I'm sitting, it's hard to imagine, but thank you for giving me hope. All the best to you and your new guy. Glad you and the ex can be civil for your daughter's sake. That's great.

Thank you. You give me hope.

I have said this before, but any "Newbie" to this group would do well to go back to Roseys initial post, then read everything she ever wrote, in sequence.<br />
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Tread your own path.

rated up!<br />
I'm thankful for all your stories, but this one is definitely my favorite! <br />
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There is a whole ton of co-dependancy in my own relationship and seeing you become free of the emotional wringer and guilt that co-dependancy thrusts into a marriage has been truly helpful.<br />
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Best of luck!

Co-dependency is tough. I am a life long co-dependent, and I have to work to be very conscious in my new relationship not to repeat past patterns. It is challenging, but well worth it and I think setting the foundation for a healthy relationship.

I am so happy for you. I have been out for almost two months. Sometimes it is stressful but there is a hope for a better life now. I am rebuilding from a life where I was basically sleep walking through life to survive. My physical problems have come down to a level where I can work so now anything is possible. I hope life just becomes better and better for you.

So nice to see you happy!

One life to live...living it with love, passion and joy is its blessing. Be well.

And that, friends, is what we call an ILIASM Success Story! :)<br />
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Princess Beaming

Ah... Another happy convert... <br />
<br />
So happy for you!!

Very nice to hear about so happy outcome here! Congratulations!

It's wonderful to read a success story. It gives us all hope and encourages us to overcome the fear and trepidation that keeps us hanging on even when there's is little or no chance of happiness in our current unhappy and unfulfilling marriages. Thanks for sharing this.

Thakyou Rose x

Rose, I truly believe that one of the best "gifts" we can offer those stuck in sexless marriages is the view from outside of those marriages. Your's is a shining example of the way in which "doing the hard yards" can result in a future that isbrighter than you migt ever have imagined!! It is SO good to read how happy you are!!<br />
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Newbies would be well advised to read Rose's stories from the start - to see how being courageous and strong can lead you to a place like this.

Agreed. Reading about sucessful lives post-SM is very important to me...and I'm sure many, many others that might not even post!

Thanks Enna....

Lots of hard yards, indeed! I thought the process might kill me, but no. Instead, here I am on the other side. Who'd a thunk?!

Thanks all! <br />
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I am blessed and lucky indeed!

Excellent post! Rated UP!

Amen, Rosedl, Amen! Delighted for you!

That is what I call a happy ending~

Thank you for this. I need to read stories like this. <br />
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I am very happy for you. :)

Congrats!!