Sexless...should I Start An Affair?!!

Love has long left my marriage.My hubby and I now just stay for our kids who are very young.We have no sex for a year and we just cannot communicate.I want to know if he is having an affair so I can have one too, without guilt.But he'll never admit even if he is really cheating behind my back.I feel like having an illicit affair with my ex-bf.I feel so lacking of something in my marriage...what a dilema!!!
xallyanne xallyanne
41-45, F
11 Responses Jun 20, 2012

Please don't feed the trolls!

You people are disgusting.

If you are thinking about having an affair (or a FWB relationship) please read my story "Outsourcing your needs". I am neither for nor against from a moralistic viewpoint. I do however believe you need to be informed as to the possible outcomes of this choice if you decide to take this path. Informed choice results in better outcomes.

Affair is not a solution, pls discuss with him, what he want or u want

I live in a sexless marriage and tried an affair once. I soon realized that since I am married, the affair complicated my life. Divided loyalty only resulted in complications for me because I want a long term relationship - including mutually desired intimacy with one person - my soulmate. If I decide to not continue in this marriage, I will seek divorce and then try to find my soulmate - with shared satisfying sex. Best wishes for your quest to have what you need and deserve from marriage and life. Life is too short to settle for less!

It doesn't matter what he is doing - if you want to step out, you will find a way to justify it.<br />
Even IF he isn't cheating, I do not believe it would change the outcome with regards to your marriage OR your cheating. I think it will only delay the inevitable: you will cheat later instead of sooner.<br />
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But you need to figure out if you are ready to handle the consequences that will come should you cheat.

^ Yep, what she said.

Thats exactly right! And the second we say i'll never do it, is when we do. But we do justify it sooner or later.

Whatever you end up doing, make it an INFORMED choice.<br />
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Re-read the comment by mvcmvc. Read it over and over again until it is burned into your brain.<br />
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Assess the risk, have a contingency plan in do-able shape.<br />
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Then - choose your course of action.<br />
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And don't bleat (or gloat) about the outcome that emerges from your choice.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Everyone has their own moral compass, mine does not include affairs, regardless of my situation predominately because when I leave, I want it to be about why I left, and not for who (or the ramifications of who). It's most likely to make you more resentful towards your husband. Why make an existing situation even more complicated?

Being in a sexless marriage** I have thought about an affair also. Had the talk with my spouse and she has an appointment to ensure that there are no physical issues while I take care of my part. She has never been a good or adventurous lover, but I am not going to cast fidelity aside yet, even though I yearn for excitement.<br />
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Have the talk first. Nobody should be made to feel undesirable. Part of the talk is to express that your husband attends to your sexual satisfaction. Go for it, and be firm - it is going to take a lot of emotional investment.<br />
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**Disclaimer - well, today was able to seduce my spouse and make things fun for her, so we will see how things go. I wish she would take an interest in initiating things, but I will take it one day at a time and count the little victories.

Honey, no. Affairs are never the answer. They have destroyed many a life. You say that your marriage is loveless...well, if I may, I would like to give my honest opinion. If it is loveless, that means that you have both fallen away from God. Marriage is a special union between two people that God created. He never meant for people to start getting divorces and having affairs. Marriage is sacred. And it's not all about sex. It's about true love. My only advice is that you should try to focus your marriage on God. If not for your sake and the sake of your marriage, at least for the sake of your children.

Some of us did try, wholeheartedly, to throw ourselves - body, soul, and heart, into religion to get ourselves out of the PAIN involved with a sexless, loveless marriage.

It's not "ALL" about sex, but sex has to be a part of it. It's the one thing that differentiates a marriage from any other friendship or roommate situation. It's part of the marriage vow. For that matter, 1 Corrinthians 7:2-5 encourages married people to not DEFRAUD one another and deny one another their bodies, as that causes the other (refused) to be led into temptation for sin (adultery).

According to the Bible, and other religious texts throughout the world, sexless marriage is not a marriage at all.


I agree that it is not the answer. But you sound like someone who has not lived for years in a sexless marriage. You say it's not all about sex. You are right. But the apostle Paul in 1st Corinthians 7 had some things to say about sex in marriage. Your answer is a correct one to a certain extent, but I don't think that both have fallen away from God. I think one is being tempted heavily by their God-given sexuality because the other person is causing them to lust because they refuse to honor their spouse as God directs.

Also, it drives me bonkers because my Christian wife (and I am a Christian) is always harps on those people who are doing the wrong thing sexually, yet won't even touch me sexually for months. What hypocricy!

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