Some Options To ConsiderFor as long as I can remember in my marriage, I compare my current sex life to the prior sex life before marriage. When I first me my wife, we could not get enough of each other, I really felt like she had the same drive as I did, that we were very open and I felt very free and comfortable. For me, it was more than the sex, she wanted me, couldn’t get enough of me, it was very comforting, satisfying and invigorating.
Over time, the frequency and intensity began to fade. I was okay, but was starting to get worried. So, stupidly, I believe all of the myths about sex and marriage. I thought if I made an extra effort to relieve stress or plan times to be together, maybe she would "be in the mood" and want to connect with me again. Soon, we were having sex maybe once a month, and the times we did have sex, it was almost mercy sex because I was basically begging for it.
I felt betrayed, cheated. How could this be? What was I doing wrong? Why did she not want ME anymore? Every time I had to beg for sex, I felt dirty, horrible, like asking for charity, but I could not help it, I was feeling incomplete. Every rejection, hurt deeply, worse than any other rejection. Why would someone I love do this? I could only think of a few reasons: She lost her interest in sex, but that didn’t make sense, because there were ****** I did not buy in the house. Maybe she lost interest in me. Maybe she is having sex with someone else? I became very jealous.
Maybe the problem was me? What if I had no sex drive at all? I tried to suppress it, get involved in other activities not to think about it, wait for it to die, then I wouldn’t be tormented with it anymore. But that didn’t work either, I began to feel empty. I tried to address the topic with her. Every time I tried, I couldn’t quite express how I felt. And it did not go well. She would tell me I was not seeing everything and only focusing on sex. Yes I was!
I thought, let me see a Marriage Counselor, that will help. After many months of wondering if I should go or not, I finally went. However, after explaining the above in so many words, I was told that she could not help me, she needed to speak to me wife. Well, I tried to mention it, but it didn’t go well, I chose the wrong time, and then she did not want to talk about the subject again.
I DON’T GET IT, WHY CAN’T I FIGURE THIS OUT?
Then it hit me. No one was really focusing on was hormones and the effect they have on us. Men are fighting their hormones with no skills to talk about them or except. I am wired with an average 10 times more testosterone than you TO WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MANY WOMEN. It is wiring. Woman, however, are not wired for the same motivations. Their sex drive is ba
After finally coming to accept our hormonal differences in understanding why she enjoyed sex, but it was work to her, I decided the problem is marriage. Marriage is a great human concept, but the modern view of marriage does not address the basic hormonal differences between the sexes. So what do I do?
Here is what I will propose to my wife: that we have sex with other people. Now, I am also not stupid, so there are some rules because we both will have major concerns with this.
1. Safety- It is easy enough to protect ourselves and it is vital to both of our health.
2. Discrete-we are both very private people and this is between us. If our actions become public, it would be extremely embarrassing for both of us and never understood.
3. Random-it cannot be with anyone we know or could come in contact with on a regular basis.
4. Communication- keep open communication.
LouArch 36-40, M 13 Responses 0 Jun 26, 2012