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There Is Hope

There has to be hope, it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

I'm lucky (I guess) that my sexless marriage is due to my husband' ill health and his medication, rather than him being some selfish jerk, which is some comfort at least (unless I'm having a bad day and then I torture myself with all the other possible reasons for it). He makes me laugh, we share the same interests, he supports me completely in whatever I want to do and is there to help pick up the pieces when things go wrong. We have a good marriage, aside from the fact that we haven't had sex in almost two years.

I live in hope that one day things might improve, that he will get well again and pick up enthusiastically where we left off.

*sigh* A girl can dream, can't she?
wildwalker wildwalker 41-45, F 10 Responses Jun 27, 2012

Your Response


Been there, done that, got the t-shirt...

I was you four years ago. Now I'm better. I hope the same for you. <br />
<br />
Princess ItIsWellAndTrulyDone

So he is too sick too lick you is he? Why isn't he in a nursing home than if he cannot even perform this simple task.<br />
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You are making excuses for his behavour. Yes he might be medically sick therefore reducing his sex drive, but he has taken an attitude of tough luck when it comes to you.<br />
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I suggest you have an honest talk with him regarding future intimacy requirements.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

He is looking for - or you have given him - a pass on choice.<br />
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There is no pass on choice. Not for you, not for me, not for anyone.<br />
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Your choices are the same as anyone else on this board with an intimacy averse spouse.<br />
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He has chosen not to bring whatever intimate capabilities he has to the table.<br />
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You have chosen to tolerate this witholding.<br />
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Nothing can possibly change until such time as YOU choose differently. And it is highly likely that you never will.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Has he shut down participation is all pair bonding behaviors (hand holding, kissing, hugging, cuddling, stroking your private parts and then kissing them, and on and on and on you get the picture here)?<br />
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If so - WHY?

Oh Windwalker,<br />
You have a long, long journey ahead of you! I have had a sick partner for double digit years and at one point I was in denial, guilt/shame then it turned to outright anger... and depression. Now it is an acceptance that he needs to live his life the way he wants to live it and I do that same. I have no idea how that's all going to look tomorrow or in ten years. Calling a marriage dead is indeed a hard call to make when you have invested so many years of emotional support to each other in other ways than sex. That same support does not stop just because I do not get what I need in the bedroom. <br />
I do not have easy answers.. I just know it takes a brave woman to stay and a different kind of brave woman to leave.

Is he dead? If not he could be having some sort of sexual contact with you. So this isn't going to get any better because he's happy living the way things are. You need to quit wishing you had those ruby slippers and come home from Oz because 2 years is not something caused by medication or illness it's caused because he doesn't want to have sex with you. Now that you've seen that awful truth it's up to you do you do something about it or keep burying your head in the sand and refuse to look at the truth. It hurts to look at the truth and many people keep pretending for years in their delusional little world of maybes and it will get better but it seldom if ever does. All that does is make them more angry and more frustrated.<br />
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Deadwood is living his happy little life and letting you twist in the wind and if he gave a **** that just wouldn't be happening now would it? Are his fingers sick? Is his tongue paralyzed? Do his lips have sores all over them that prevent him from kissing you? Are his arms broken? If not then he could be doing things to keep you sexually satisfied IF he cared. That's the problem he doesn't care. He's a fun buddy but as a husband he's a worthless piece of **** because he's not committed to your happiness in any way shape or form. <br />
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So it's time to face the truth your worst nightmare has come true. You have been divorced in all ways except for the paperwork and dividing up the spoils of war. You might as well get on with it and get on with your life. Hope is your enemy because it lets you lie to yourself repeatedly and keeps you chained to a dead marriage.


This is truth.

I know it hurts.

let it soak in a bit and then come back and read it again.

bless u sista itll gt better

At what point does waiting become delusional rather than proactive? I wish I knew.

I would share your dreams with him; get a few "toys" and have "playtime" together. That is what I would do; thinking about doing; mine is partly due to health also (physical and mental) and I have made it clear to him that either "he can play with me" or I can play by myself...hmpphh! Wishing you hope; don't stop dreaming about it; just starting DOING something that will bring your dream into reality.