Quagmire To Awakings Of HappinessI just turned 46, I have been living in a sexless marriage for the last 10 plus years. I wasted so much time trying to fix me, trying to make sense out of my deficiencies, what could of caused our problem.I got really good beating myself up, sole searching and reading self help books to get me exactly where I have always been and where I am right now. Here is a truth that I have discovered for myself. My existence, the life I live is right now and here. The past can not be relived and the future is not certain, all I have is right now. I have all the potential to love, live and develop into the man I am meant to be. I refuse to come to a conclusion on any preconceived belief. I have found a boundless freedom in thinking unrestricted by all the bullshit beliefs that my father passed to me, what Hollywood tries to get us to choke down to what love is. I woke up and found out that I was living my life by what I thought was expected of me rather to living life on life's terms.
I have found freedom from the mental self abuse by accepting that life for me will be what it will be, I have dropped all my allusions and delusions about my marriage, for that matter my entire life, work and relationships ect... Since then my life has been so rich and full, I have rediscovered the effortless joy of living just like when I was a child. I am able to be overwhelmed by others passions, to be stirred by wellsprings of life.
Has it fixed my sexless marriage? Nope. My relationship with her has flourished other wise and I am willing to give it time to let it unfold exactly the way its meant to. I am not closed to any possibilities of it ending or resurrecting. All I can say for me, I am excited to discover all the possibilities in all facets of this life of mine. I have an over whelming drive to meet new people, to leave my thumb print on their life and allowing them to do the same.
So there it is, I hope that what I have had to say makes you all think.