Quagmire To Awakings Of Happiness

I just turned 46, I have been living in a sexless marriage for the last 10 plus years. I wasted so much time trying to fix me, trying to make sense out of my deficiencies, what could of caused our problem.I got really good beating myself up, sole searching and reading self help books to get me exactly where I have always been and where I am right now. Here is a truth that I have discovered for myself. My existence, the life I live is right now and here. The past can not be relived and the future is not certain, all I have is right now. I have all the potential to love, live and develop into the man I am meant to be. I refuse to come to a conclusion on any preconceived belief. I have found a boundless freedom in thinking unrestricted by all the bullshit beliefs that my father passed to me, what Hollywood tries to get us to choke down to what love is. I woke up and found out that I was living my life by what I thought was expected of me rather to living life on life's terms.
I have found freedom from the mental self abuse by accepting that life for me will be what it will be, I have dropped all my allusions and delusions about my marriage, for that matter my entire life, work and relationships ect... Since then my life has been so rich and full, I have rediscovered the effortless joy of living just like when I was a child. I am able to be overwhelmed by others passions, to be stirred by wellsprings of life.
Has it fixed my sexless marriage? Nope. My relationship with her has flourished other wise and I am willing to give it time to let it unfold exactly the way its meant to. I am not closed to any possibilities of it ending or resurrecting. All I can say for me, I am excited to discover all the possibilities in all facets of this life of mine. I have an over whelming drive to meet new people, to leave my thumb print on their life and allowing them to do the same.
So there it is, I hope that what I have had to say makes you all think.
saintLouis007 saintLouis007
41-45, M
8 Responses Jun 30, 2012

Im new to STL about a week now.. I also am in a marriage where there is no intimacy, respect, no real connection at all. Unfortunately I am not in a position to leave with my young children..and Im drowning.. its been such a hard road..there is emotional abuse, verbal abuse, neglect..lots of tears..and high emotions..i hope to escape and begin again with my children..and somewhere in rebuilding my life, find and satisy " me "

I've always lived here, but also not in a position to leave. ( Terribly agoraphobic and social phobic). pretty much nothing but neglect as my husband works 7 days every week..

By embracing your truth, and basing your choices on that truth, you move forward, to where the truth dictates. It is a very simple - and true - concept. Oh so hard to do, but oh so worthwhile doing.<br />
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Quoting you here - "Has it fixed my sexless marriage? Nope"<br />
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Thing is, that adopting your outlook means that your truth, and choices made on the basis of such truth, WILL ultimately resolve this matter, and being ba<x>sed on your truth it will be the "right" outcome, whatever that turns out to be.<br />
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Meantime, there is living to be done, savoured, and embraced.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Right on. Life is good.

Tip of the hat to you... Yes... it's freaking hot outside.

Rated UP!!! You are getting wise to the fact that you have to find out what your own truths and values are... Not everyone else's! I just had a conversation this afternoon about how what is true for one person may not be for someone else...according to your circumstances and values. Some may disagree with me on this point...<br />
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Bottom line- the media and other external forces that shape our ideas of how we should be are not the final authority. We each need to own our choices, and reasons For why we think what we do.

---- "I woke up and found out that I was living my life by what I thought was expected of me rather to living life on life's terms." <br />
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I did the same thing and it is pretty telling of our situation. Some of us spend a lot of time "shoulding" ourselves and there is no reason for it. Don't loose yourself again, keep listening to your emotions, keep doing what it right for you. I think that is the roadmap to happiness.. <br />
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One of my favorite quotes lately is....."Have the courage to follow your gut and intuition; they somehow already know who you want to become."...."your time on this earth is short; don't waste it living someone else's life....EVERYTHING ELSE IS SECONDARY."

Letting go of the past is a good feeling. Especially when it lets you appreciate the present and what may lie ahead.

Very happy for you that you found this place of peace.<br />
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I finally found mine when I realized that the problems had little to do with me, I just happened to be around when they developed, and therefore had to pay the price. The incredible relief sounds similar to what you are experiencing with your decision to become asexy. <br />
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Asexy was not an option for me, and I left. I bore incredible self hate, feeling that there was something wrong with me that she was not interested, etc...I even refused to believe her when she flat out told me it had nothing to do with me. Six months latter my little brain went, 'oh wow, it really didn't have anything to do with me.' <br />
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And I felt human for the first time in years.

I'm not sure what asexy means.

short for asexual.

I will be honest I had to look up asexual. I gotta tell you I'm the farthest thing from that as a man could be. I guess that you thought , because I haven't broke my relationship that I have lost sexual interest in women.
Continence... yea at this very minute but not asexual.
Although I remembering how years ago when I was knee deep into blaming myself I would wish that I would lose all sexual desires. I even talked to my doctor to see if there were meds that would kill my sex drive. If you think about that, that is really F'ed up.
I know it raise questions to why I'm still hanging on.... I'm still a bit lost about that myself.....

Saint Louis! how exciting and wonderful!! what a burden gone for you...very inspiring and wonderful...i've got a song for you I FEEL GOOD!! (james brown)