It's Not Always A Cakewalk.Struggling, with everything in me, to be a better person on a daily basis. I think every day-- every hour-- about self-responsibility, about taking care of myself and my feelings so that I don't expect him to do so. I am responsible for my own stuff.
I am reaching down into my very guts, to keep being real and to stay available.
Today has been a tough day. We talked, and we talked again. He is feeling some resistance to his own evolution, which is to be expected. It is not easy to make these changes when they run against our habits and long-standing inclinations.
I was carving out a space for myself today: I NEEDED to sleep in, needed to just do nothing. I've done a lot of child care lately, and have been a supportive "shoulder" for those near me. So yeah, I just needed to chill out and be quiet for a day, watch some tv with my family, just hang around.
I don't know why he felt so disturbed today. Partly, he had some tasks he'd wanted to complete, but didn't get up the motivation. I don't blame him; he's worked hard this week. But he seemed tense and unhappy with himself.
I pointed out that he's spent almost no time with our son this week, so he took him out for a walk and they played frisbee in the yard. They both enjoyed it.
Tomorrow is a fresh day, and after catching some extra sleep, I know I'll be ready to tackle it. I'll babysit my toddler nephews, shuttle my son around in the evening, prepare meals, and generally be the woman I need to be.
And I'll see what I can do to breathe a little freshness into the atmosphere at home, too.
LovelyAlone 36-40, F 3 Responses 1 Jul 1, 2012