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In A Mood

I'm in a mood.

I just told my STBX that we need to set a date, a time, something to look through the papers.

He told me he doesn't want to talk with me when I'm in a mood like this.

I know I'm in a mood. My mother took the children out of daycare without my permission on my youngest's first day. I found out the lawyer for my patent is playing a game with me that is far from amusing.

I am tired and nothing I do ever goes right. I want to quit humanity and just run away from it all.

I'm in a mood. I told STBX that I'm tired of lying to everyone, my family and friends, that I am with him, because I AM NOT.

I WANT THOSE PAPERS. I told him I am in a mood because this has been going on almost a month now with no papers signed.

He's moping about, lying on the couch. playing computers. I know he's ill. He asked if I want him to do groceries. i said I don't care. I just want to get those damn papers discussed & signed.

I have no job, I have no family, I'm spending money like water, and the worst of it is I DON'T CARE. I don't have any energy to do anythign about anything. I want to just DISAPPEAR.
zsuzsilowinger zsuzsilowinger 36-40, F 14 Responses Jul 3, 2012

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Your mom is totally out of line there.



*hugs*

Yeah. In an ideal world, we would only have to deal with one relationship mess at a time.
Hugs from me too, Zsu.

Sometimes when it all gets TOO MUCH, it can be helpful to just LET GO. (Not always, so I cannot say if this is right for you.)



Drive yourself to the doctor or hospital and say:

" I can't take it any more. Admit me now or I will probably kill myself."



Then have the hospital phone your husband and your mother to say you have been admitted. Tell the hospital any contact with either will only make you WORSE, so will the hospital please forbid any contact.



As for the kids, arrange a few days "holiday" with someone you know loves and cares for the kids. Explain to the day care that the children will NOT be there for a few days because they are "on holidays". Drop the kids off at your friend's house on your way to hospital.



Ask the hospital to tell your husband and mother that the kids are in good care and will be fine staying where they are until you get better. Don't give them (spouse and mother) the contact details for the kids.



object of this exercise?

1) You get to have a complete rest without any responsibilities for a few days.

2) Your husband and mother will be DEEPLY shocked - as they should be

3) Your hospital appointed psychiatrist should be able to run interference for you between your husband and your mother - for a short while at least

4) Your family will be VERY cautious about how they treat you for a long time into the future . . . . .



I know your immediate reaction is "I can't do that". But believe me, it may be the best possible option for you right now. Your husband and mother both believe they have every right to dictate YOUR life to you. That will be very hard for them to do if you are not alive. They need to realise that is certainly a possibility if they continue to behave as they are . . . .



You are NOT "threatening suicide" - you are at obvious risk because your stress levels are through the roof. You may believe you would "never do that" but when you are living with such stress it is entirely possible you COULD do something to harm yourself. See this as a responsible pre-emptive step to avoiding tragedy - not as a manipulative strategy.

Great idea, but even better was the nature walk I took with a friend today. Honestly, I don't trust psychiatrists and I don't like hospitals...funnily enough I WAS suicidal when I lost my job 2 years ago, but I kept it to myself and thought of my kids every time I wanted to slit my wrists, and just breathed. More recently I started to tell people how hard I had taken that episode, and they are always surprised.

As another aside, I don't believe my mother would stay out of a hospital if she wanted to come in & torment me. When I was pregnant with my first, she stated she wanted to be at the delivery. When I told her no, she said she would flash her doctor credentials and march right in, I couldn't possibly keep her away, and she had as much right to the child as I did...

She is ****** in the head. Sorry.

Like like like!!! I would only suggest one change to Enna's Emergency Plan. Rent a cottage on a lake (or borrow a friend's cottage, if you can. You can decide whether it's within cell phone service or not, and whether you will turn on the phone. Do not tell your family where you are going (you could tell the trusted child care person) but do say when you will return. Go take a week off alone. I only suggest this because it will be much more restoring and peaceful than any hospital. If you want, tell the family you're at your limit, and you need a break or you're going to have a breakdown. Then go.

Chai, you are brilliant! I think that is a FAR better idea - and hopefully could circumvent Zsu's mother!! Zsu, I'm sorry to say I think you will have to take your kids and move FAR away from your mother. She is poisoning your life.

Yes, Chai's take on this is brilliant! Please do it! Don't underestimate the damage this level of stress is doing to you.

3 More Responses

Control what you can control.



Let the rest go.



Tread your own path.

Very good advice. I controlled my reaction to this b*llsh*t today, which I think is commendable. My first reaction was to drive to mom's house and punch her in the nose and spirit my children away immedaitely....

Watch those psychiatrists they are the craziest ones of all. You can stop that from happening again by putting a no pick up order in the day care office. Then if they release your child to someone other than you you could own them. That's serious business these days. Sounds like she might have taken them both to lunch though which would be a nice thing to do but not informing you is a really nasty piece of passive aggressive bullshit.

This had crossed my mind. Thanks.

Found the kids. Mom returned them to daycare at 1pm. No notice to us though.

So, instead of getting the patronising lecture about how "mom knows best" is it, "mom, who just also happens to be a psychiatrist, knows best?" ;-)

How about "don't dare question me because I know more than anyone about everything"? Now that I personally possess two post secondary degrees I recognize how little one can know about things while being highly educated; certain family members who shall remain nameless do not get that fact.

What the hell is wrong with your mother? Is she just plain nuts? You certainly can't rely on her and she is more of an hindrance than a help, to put it mildly.



If I read a story about you going on a destructive rampage in the local mall at least I know it won't be down to a drug-induced paranoia.



You need some semblance of control, mastery over some aspect of your life right now in order to feel grounded. Ma ain't helping the cause. Take her to the dog compound and hand her in. It will be the kind thing to do.



"Just because you are paranoid, doesn't mean that they are not out to get you."

You especially will be pleased to know my mother is, in fact, and has been for 30 years, a psychiatrist. Yes, a practicing one.

She repeatedly states that she will never retire. It's been my observation of quite a few psych types that they often are messed up themselves, thus prompting them to seek the profession.

*proctologist

It is now almost 5pm and I have NO FREAKIN IDEA WHERE THE CHILDREN ARE!!!!!

All I can offer are cyber hugs, so here they are.

HUGS

DB2

Breathe!

Zsu, if he's lying on the couch playing computer games, and offering to go buy groceries, he's not THAT ill.



I did a quick search: (These apply in Ontario, Canada)



Q: How do I become legally separated?

A: If there is “no reasonable chance of reconciliation” between you and your spouse you are “legally separated”. You can be “legally separated” and continue to reside in the same residence. The test to determine if you are separated, includes, but is not limited to the following:

1. do you have sexual relations?

2. do you go out socially together?

3. does one spouse do household chores for the other?

4. do you and your spouse hold yourself out as separated to third parties?



Q: What if we are unable to agree on terms of a Separation Agreement?

A: If you and your spouse (with or without the assistance of counsel) are unable to agree on terms of an Agreement, it will be necessary to seek the assistance of a court in determining the issues. Either party can initiate court proceedings to ensure that his/her interests are protected.



I don't blame you for being in a mood. Try not to throw anything that might cause permanent damage.

Thank you as always Chai, you are a great friend...

It will be ok, just take deep breaths and let your self calm down. Take a walk, grab a snack, anything to give yourself some cool down time.

All you can do is deal with things as they come, taking it one day at a time.

I've eaten most of the cooking chocolate but that' hasn't helped. Time for a hike!!!

Thanks Guys.



Why the **** does my mom ALWAYS try to sabotage sh*t???? WHY WHY WHY!!!!!



Another toxic person to get out of my life, but unable to as we live in the same city and the kids see her all the time.

Toxic parenting... I've had some experience with that. First, you can love your toxic parent AND draw boundaries. It will **** them off and it won't be easy; however, it allows you to HAVE a relationship with them. Second, it requires ending the co-dependent relationship with them. Third, the easiest and fastest way to doing both are to accept them for who they are, not who you want them to be. Fourth, and this was the hardest yet most important thing for me, when they cross the boundary, remove yourself and your children. On the phone, when my daddy crossed the line I said "I love you, Daddy, I'm hanging up now." In person, I said "I love you, Daddy, I'm leaving now." It worked for me. Best of luck. End the bad relationship dynamics with your mother and your refuser. You'll never regret it.

She had permission to take the youngest to dance class and back to daycare. Instead, she took both to her house. I was angry & said I'd call back later; by the time I calmed down & called back she's not there or not answering her phone. She actually told me I should be GRATEFUL to her for REMOVING THE CHILDREN FROM THE AWFUL SCENE (youngest was yelling because new daycare, missing mommy, it was heartwrenching enough to leave her there, now tomorrow it will be twice as hard...)

The "I'm leaving now" - or in my case "I'm picking up the kids & leaving now" - works only if you can figure out where the f* they went.

I've called up NewDawn07, we're going for a hike and ignoring the world for an hour...

Stay strong and breathe deeply.

Yesterday one person said to me, in regard to my life, I don't know how you do it without exploding and I don't know how you do it, just being here makes me want to throw up. I hear you - I feel you. All of that on top of a sm is enough to kill you. Just take it one day at a time, seriously, deal with what is front of you in the hear and now and worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Hang in there!



I know this feeling. So overwhelmed, fed up, disgusted.....



If you are feeling this way, it might be a good idea to seek some help. You are in a crisis situation and need support. Enlist any and all resources you do have. Seek out friends and tell them what is going on. Find a support group for divorcing spouses. Individual therapy is useful to vent and seek sane solutions.



Do everything and anything you need to take care of yourself.



I am so sorry you are going through this situation.