Sexless Marriage

Hi everyone,

I have been married for just over a year now and our sex life has seemed to of dissapeared of the face of the planet. Im 22 and my wife is 24, we have a young son together who is nearly approaching 2. For the past year or so, our sex life has completely gone, Ive tried everythig, you name it, done the chores, taken our son out for the day, cooked a meal with candles, basically you name it and i have tried it. I have tried talking to her face to face, and its always been the sam eold question, "yes dear, we will try and get our sex life back on track" works for about 1 week and then its nothing after that.

I was wondering whether there is anyone else out there that is/has been through the same situation. Im not trying to sound like sex is the be all and end all of a relationship, but sex once every 8-10 weeks is kicking the can a little.

Many thanks
davey1990 davey1990
22-25, M
4 Responses Jul 4, 2012

Would your present position be that "everything is great bar the sex ?"<br />
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If it is, then your learning curve is going to be very steep.<br />
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You will learn as much, if not more, by extensive reading in here of various stories and comments there-on. There are 12,000+ stories here. Set yourself a target of reading 60 of them.<br />
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I'd suggest that you initially challenge your thinking that "everything is great bar the sex". That position usually collapses like a house of cards when you dig down to the truth of your situation.<br />
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Tread your own path.

I have been in your situation and succcessfully reversed it. What you need to do is stop cooking, cleaning etc. You already work and support her and your son so why are you subsidising her housework.<br />
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Just my 2 cents worth here but i was in a very similiar situation. I sat my wife down tried to have the talk many times only to be completely fobbed off and screamed at. <br />
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I found that when i stopped contributing to the household chores, washing, ironing, vacuming, mopping etc, and cancelled her joint bank card is when the penny dropped for her. Thats when i saw real change.<br />
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Long story short you can perform saint like miracles and you probably still wont be getting any. The only way to change this is to draw your line in the sand and stick to it.<br />
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You are way to young to put up with a sexless marriage. At your age i was ******..g the wife 6 times a week.<br />
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Stay Strong & Good Luck

You are way too young to already be dealing with a SM.<br />
Aside from having a child, is there anything that has happened in your marriage, or to either or you individually?<br />
Perhaps she is exhausted from dealing with a 2 year old all day? (or tired from working all day and coming home and also dealing with a child?)<br />
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Have you directly asked her why she does not want sex?

We emigrated from England in January for a fresh start in life, we currently reside in CA. She doesn't work and just stay home a with our little one, I have tried talking to her about our sex life on many occasions, and its always the same, she just says that she isnt generally in the mood for it but will try.

Does she have any medical issues?
Sometimes undiagnosed medical reasons can be to blame.
Also, if she has started to stopped taking any medication - notably for depression or birth control..
Why don't you suggest she go see a doctor to check her hormones? Maybe there is an imbalance?
I still wonder if staying home all day and taking care of a 2 year old isn't a very big part of this. I imagine that is verrry draining on someone.

If she's moved all the way across the Atlantic and to the other side of the country it could very well be depression due to distance from extended family. That's by no means an easy transition, especially with a young child in tow, and no local family support system in place, or close friends from childhood, etc. Have you talked to her about how she feels since the move?

Good point. I totally didn't think of that.
But that makes a lot of sense. She could be home-sick and may not have the support she needs in raising a child.

She suffered from PND before we move across here, but fulfilled the required medical transition and was given the all clear by the doctors, in the UK and here. She doesnt just stay at home, she has a good network of friends due to the work that i do. Ive even bought her a car to get around. Her parents have been out twice for 2 weeks at a time since our move. Ive tried everything, just nothing seems to work.

hmmm, I have a one, three, ten and twelve year old and still love sex, also had post partum depression and no help from I have trouble buying the "tired because of kids".
Just saying....maybe for some,kids drain them completely.

3 More Responses

The best thing you can do is to put aside a couple of hours and read, read, READ on this forum,. You will find a great deal of valuable information. Then come back and share some more with us if you want comments on your own situation.