The Refusing Control Freak - Drawn Into Battle AgainRecently i have started to catch up with a good friend of mine from many years ago. Last time we caught up about 3 weeks ago he briefly went into how unhappy he was with his current girlfriend.
I could tell he wanted to tell me more but held back as my wife was with us at the time.
Last night he was around for a boys sleep over to watch the State of Origin and boy did i hear and witness plenty.
His missus would of called him about 6 times and messaged him dozens of times. Eventually i asked him what's going on mate. The poor bastard broke down crying confessing that he has been sexless for 4 months that his woman is a control freak and likes to manipulate every aspect of his life.
Apparantly she was now upset that he was watching the footy with a mate let alone sleeping over and he knew there would be hell to pay when he went home.
Boy did he stir up some memories and emotions in me. I remembered my dilemma and how it felt like i was trapped in a War Zone at the time between being refused, the emotional battle with rejection, and the manipulation and silent hostility that went with it.
This morning as i was driving us both to work i had a good chance to talk to him. He was not fully aware of my own troubles over the last 2 years when he made the comment, "You seem to have a good marriage how do you do it mate?" He was shocked to learn that my marriage was far from perfect.
I gave him the spill that things were improved on my front as i took action and drew the line in the sand and that he needed to do the same. He was equally shocked to hear that he has contributed to his own problems by tolerating his girlfriends foul behavour without offering up any consequences in return.
Looking in as the outsider i got a clearer insight at the fear that keeps most partners in dysfunctional marriages/relationships around.
For some reason my friend had a fear. When i broke it down rationally for him he agreed that his fear was unfounded.
I told him she cant take away sex, she has already done that, she cant take your money she already controls that what are you scared of? Turns out she holds over his head that she will boot him out of her parents home leaving him homeless. Fine if that happens you have a room here, are you still scared?? Turns out he wasn't and he was going to give her a piece of his mind when he gets home.
I'm not holding my breath though. I think most of us here are experts at picking up if someone has had enough and is about to pull the pin. I could see it in his eyes that he still held fear and that he was just not there yet.