Finding Mr. Grey.....

As many women are reading this and understand they have probably read the Fifty Shades Trilogy... not since I have read those books have I realized quite how much I have given up having any type of romance in my life.. With the lack of sex in my life I find myself searching out a Mr.Grey... not for a relationship but for the sex... even when i am driving or in any public place I fantasize about any guy I see... now I am fully open and honest to my hubby and this doesnt seem to bother him at all.... he is fully content not having a sex drive or a sex life for that matter.. and he has finally green lighted me to step out... is there any true Mr.Grey out there... with no strings attached... has anyone had a experience like that? Has it worked out?
fiftyshadesdarker fiftyshadesdarker 26-30, F 21 Responses Jul 4, 2012

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Would love to meet with you !

If you like...I am more than capable of adding excitement

I can be the one...(:

I hear ya........My wife gave me a pass also. I crossed out the expiration date. Now I'ts a lifetime gift. Wish I would have received this pass 20 years ago.

Hang in there you will see better days.Be sure of what you want and bash on regardless.I am sure there are many men willing to try.And yeah Add me please !

@FilteringMachine earlier said:

"It's simple - Grey is not designed to be realistic. He is designed, like a song lyric, to apply to the largest swath of female desires. Broke? Mr. Grey has money. Not getting attention? Mr. Gery Gives attention. Didn't marry a mensa? Mr. Grey is so smart. Not enough spice in the bedroom? Mr. grey has extra spice! Think of it like this: the author sat down and made a list of what the character should be like. On that list was included every thing that makes a man desirable. It's basically mass market appeal. Which, by the way, I totally approve of."


Having never read any of these books, this is consistent with the impression I have from what I've read about them, and it set my idle grey matter to noodling.

Ignoring for the moment that men generally have little interest in reading this sort of fare, if someone were to attempt to create a female literary character that represented a similar composite of the ideal dream woman, one that held the same sort of widespread and universal appeal, what would she look like, be like?

I tried this as a thought experiment and came up completely empty, and that's just when trying to conjure up my own personal ideal, much less one that would appeal equally to other men. I find women in general enthralling, lots of them, with completely contradicting features, both in terms of their physical attributes and their personalities. Crystallizing all of these into one ideal woman would seem impossible, but maybe it's a failure of my imagination. The best I can come up with is some sort of shape-shifting alien humanoid who can change her looks and personality on a whim(usually mine), but steamy romantic sci-fi isn't exactly what I was shooting for. I think I'd rather settle for your basic girl next door, provided she's a complete and total freak in bed(and kitchen, laundry room, family room, etc.), of course.

It's a lot easier to detach yourself emotionally from a FWB if you're getting that emotional gratification from your current partner. But if your partner isn't giving you that emotional aspect of the relationship,then it'll be a lot harder to detach yourself from your FWB who might just be willing to give you that aswell.

It is admirable that you would be willing to stand by your husband in these trying times but I have to ask. How long are you willing to endure this compromise in this fashion? This may sound selfish but it is not your responsibility to save someone. At some point he has to take responsibility for his own feelings and emotions and learn to deal with them in a positive manner. No doubt the cancer has been hard on him, but it has been hard on you too. There is no one to blame for that,so he shouldn't make you suffer for something you have absolutely no part in. You have to also realise that it isn't your fault. If he's changed for the worse that is not your fault. At some point he just has to deal with it.

Don't waste your life trying to help somebody that doesn't want to be helped.You're still very young, don't commit to anything long term before you know what lies ahead for the two of you. Remember, it is not your job to save him, you ain't Jesus. Lol. :-)

Hope that helps.

Well, I am unfamiliar with the series of books but the fact that you are being open and honest you are on the right track. I have opened myself to my circle and have chatted and e-mailed and texted to build myself back up.being honest the entire time. I have enjoyed this time and have wonderful friends. I believe you will find what you desire on this site. The people overall are very good. Very smart and very helpful and caring. I consider the conversations like the new form of dating, getting to know more and more about the people each time and each conversation. learning new and different things from each of them each time. Enjoy.

Probably best to find a married man who won't leave his marriage either. Of course the danger is being emotionally attached. Best to have different partners yes? There are NSA websites out there.

I am sorry for the pain that you and your husband are enduring.

As several have already said, what you really seek is the closeness, the connection from which truly sublime sex arises but they are not independent of one another, reaching that level always involves the heart and you will be left in love alone, pining for someone you cannot have because you and/or they are married. It seems an affair sitiuation, too, never fails to greatly intensify all of the feelings involved. I ended my affair to give my marriage one last chance but it is over, divorce on track to be final within weeks. I don't regret my affair at all, I don't regret the experience and being shown that yes, that kind of love and sex can exist for me after all. But I am heartbroken, I will be divorced soon, I broke my lover's heart, and I am depressed and panicky that I will never get her back or never find it again. I trafficked in deception and dishonesty of a magnitude I previously did not believe myself capable of. All things being equal, it would have been wiser to wait until the marriage was ended before going out looking for sex and/or love.

Also, if you are fortunate enough to find your Mr. Grey, make sure he comes equipped with an emergency kill switch. Just in case you get tired of him or don't want to put all your faith in a safe word :-).

You've got jokes on this thread today, I see.

Hahaha yep sure did

It won't be easy, but I'll try to restrain myself.

I've had some success with Ashley Madison. Had a nice FWB for awhile, then she had family crisis. You could also check out local swingers organizations. They are often composed of happy couples who enjoy recreational sex.

I guess the real question is do you live in a SEXless marriage, or a LOVEless marriage? If you truely are looking strictly for SEX, then I think there are plenty of ways to get that without strings. I disagree with some of the comments on here about there ALWAYS being strings, or needing an emotional aspect of the relationship. How emotionally involved you get is what YOU have to control.

I have a woman I have sex with, and I have my wife that I LOVE and also have sex with. the sex is definitely different with each of them. My FWB and I **** and go - it is what we both want. I seem to want to have sex more often than she does, but I'm OK with her telling me "Not today" when I ask her if she wants to hook up. She understands that I am married and love my wife, and wants no part of comming between us, she just has needs and it is safe for her and convenient for both of us to fulfill each other's sexual needs at times. I do get plenty of LOVE from my wife, and fulfilling my sexual needs with my FWB allows me to not be so sexually pushy with my wife all the time and I can actually concentrate more on the sensual love that she needs a lot of.

So it works - if you want it to and if everyone goes in with the same intentions.

Sorry you don't live near me - I'd love to take care of your needs - guaranteed without any strings! And don't think you need to find someone that will treat you like crap - they can still treat you with respect and not be attached to you!

I am very much deeply in love with my husband... our relationship is very good other than the lack of sex.. yes that is my biggest concern is finding someone who treats me with respect however wont get attached and is on the same page with just having sex...How did you find your FWB?

We have been triathlon training partners for three years - both married. She started getting really serious about triathlon (recently turned PRO) and had different life goals than her husband. On our training rides we both talked a lot about our sex lives and our views on sex. Our partners had very similar views on it (love and sex are the same and you can't have one without the other), and we had similar views (sex is a physical act, love is an emotional bond - they can be shared together, but are two separate things and can also be separated). We were both overloved and undersexed. About a year ago her and her husband were basically in a sexless marriage and had been for about 6 months (3 months without anything). She was frustrated, he was seeing another woman that put him on a pedestal and was more interested in the family life things he wanted. We started helping each other fulfill our sexual needs about a month before her husband asked her for a separation - he is now fully involved witht he other lady and her kids. My FWB is fine with it all, happy to be single again, and respectful of my marriage (she and my wife are friends, my wife does not know we are ******* each other - though if you read my stories you will find that my wife and I have talked a lot about swinging and having an open marriage, and have even come close to doing it with full disclosure - so for me this was a small side-step). My only other release was a sensual massage - which may also be an option for you if you are not ready to actually have intercourse with another man yet. My FWB and I got each other off with ************, toys, and orally for about 2 months before we decided to ****. I use that term because that is what it is - VERY physical ******* - definitely not love making because it is all and only about giving each other fabulous *******. She actually is a horrible lover in the sensual sense, but she can **** very well, and she seems to have great ******* so I must be doing something right! It brought back a lot of confidence to my own libido, because my wife is not very vocal about how good our sex is. I know she gets off and has great *******, but she is more of a passive person when it comes to sex and seldom initiates anything so I am often left wondering if she enjoys it, which made me question if I was really any good. My FWB confirms I am just fine!

See...I guess it's just how I look at things, but I consider that you and your FWB have *strings*, even without the sex because of your three year partnership. At some point there is attachment, even if it's loose, or not delt with or acted on, it if one of you dropped dead, the other would feel something, right?

Certainly, but not more than I would if any of my other training partners dropped dead. Which brings a point that you can also have affection attachments without sex. So one must identify what they are really searching for - SEX or AFFECTION or BOTH, and then at what level. And I wouldn't consider friendship with a person a "string". In a NSA relationship it implies a person can come and go as they please, have sex with others, not tie the sex to emotional ties of jealousy. I don't care who my FWB sleeps with, she respects that I'm married and am not interested in her in any way other than as a training partner and for sex. We don't cuddle or look for quiet times together on the beach.

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One night stands aren't always fulfilling. I think it all depends on your state of mind. If you are emotionally not ready for such a venture it would be suicide to attempt it. But if all you want to do is scratch an itch and you are emotionally detached from the physical act, you could enjoy it. But how do you know whether or not you're ready? Truth is, you never really know until you do.

Tread carefully.

This is what I am learning is are we truly ready for this.. I have no intentions on finding a different person to spend the rest of my life with however will I feel the same if someone gives me affection I long for??? this is one of the hardest things we have embarked on since his diagnosis with brain cancer.. I honestly just want a itch scratched and not looking for any real connection other than that... the only thing I am struggling with is that even possible??

What "affection" are you looking for? Some of your comments suggest it is only sex your husband doesn't want. Is he also not one to cuddle with you on the couch and watch a movie, go out to dinner with, and other romantic things? Are you looking for affection or SEX. If you are looking for affection, then yes, you will probably have a difficult time not attaching strings. Affection is what builds emotional ties and bonds, not SEX.

I am looking for affection yes but that i am looking strictly with my husband.. through counselling he is working on becoming more affectionate and I am ok waiting for that.. what i am not ok waiting for is the sex... it is very confusing and I am very confused.. the only thing i know is I want to have sex... get a taste of what its like to walk funny again so to say hahaha... I am a very patient person but my libido is not...

With that being said though If I was to encounter someone who started to show me affection i am not sure how i would handle that situation but will probably cut off all ties immediatly

Hmm...I think that if you also get affection, as well as sex, from another person, you increase the chance of one (or both) of you developing some type of feelings.

If you don't want that, keep it at sex. I think it's possible you can find someone to just scratch the itch, as you say.
But do you think you would be able to keep yourself from getting emotionally attached?

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See there ladies? Ask and ye shall receive. A knight appears!

Hello there.

I cannot recommend strongly enough against going and having a one night stand. I did this, and it was AWFUL with a capital A. I didn't even know sex could make me feel bad, because it had never happened in my whole life until then.

I know the appeal. When you are starved for affection, it looks very appealing, and I even felt driven into it by my body. Let me tell you, do not go this route, do not go this route. I guess some people like one night stands. But I've never heard anyone say it involved even decent sex. Great sex comes from feeling connected, really connected. That did not happen during my ONS at all. I felt like I was being used as a sex toy. That felt great for a few minutes. Then it didn't. I realized I had really lowered myself, and honestly the experience was an overall negative. This is coming from a man who loves sex and always has.

Wow. Coming from a man that is surprising. But I can certainly relate.

Maybe she needs to clarify or maybe I read it wrong, but I got the impression she was looking for a NSA **** buddy, not just a one night I wrong??

Also, Filtering, sorry to about your terrible experience and that you had to learn the hard way.
I've never had a ONS soI can only imagine the feelings that may come from it.

Yes you are right itsjustme888, in ways I just want a one night stand but in ways again i dont... I ultimatly would like to have a NSA relationship with someone that is based solely on sex... no real emotional bonding just scratching a itch with something that actually hits the mark so to say lol

The only thing about my "one night stand" if you want to call it that (it was actually a sensual massage that I got because I was just so much wanting to feel the touch of another person) was that I had to pay for it rather than receive a massage, give a massage. Actually paying for it, for me, made it seem cheeper. I will never do that again, but love getting sensual massage for FREE or even better being allowed to return the favor as the "payment". For that reason I don't think i could ever go to a hooker for sex - I like to be able to GIVE something as part of the sexual relationship, and see and feel the pleasure I am able to give to another person.

Honestly, I've known very few men that actually think a one night stand is a good idea. But, when you are bragging, it is great! 'I f this *****, I f that *****, I f anything that moves!' It certainly makes it look like you are doing GREAT in the sex department, that you just can't swat them off fast enough! But REALLY? Every guy I know who hit it and quit it all the time had major confidence problems.

Sorry, but I just HAD to reply here to you fiftyshades. You are worth SO much more than a cheap "make do " roll in the hay. I feel your drought, but please don't add the extra baggage that ultimately goes with sideshow relationships. That solution always looks good on paper, but always smells like spoiled fish before it is over. Personally, I don't think women can seperate the emotional from the physical once flesh has touched flesh. I could be wrong, but the odds favor I'm right. Better to just honestly sever from somebody first before starting new engagements. Just my opinion of course.

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I've only read the first one of these, so I don't know if Christian loosens up. But I don't want to be with a man who won't let me touch him. Not again anyway. My break point when I decided to outsource was when my H told me it was a turn-off when I touched his thigh. He would never let me touch his balls at all. I want to be with man who welcomes my touch.

Yes, he does loosen up, btw. :)

I guess I'll be reading the sequels then ;-)

The second book was by far, my absolute favorite.
And while book three is alright, it was my least favorite due to some stuff that happens.

Agreed... book two was by far the best :)

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So ladies, is this what we've come to then? Do you have any idea the pressure this puts on men? Is it kinky sexy billionaire or bust for us guys now? I mean where does it end? "That way madness lies!"

Soon men will long for the days of yore when wives were so much easier to please, when the height of satisfaction meant no more than lying back and thinking of England(or America or Australia, or what have you).

lol haha honestly I dont care about the money... but seriously most women who get turned down and live in a sexless marriage all want one thing... to be shown what they are missing... Mr Grey opened my eyes to that... now I dont want the romance but the sex... come on... woman should be pleased and have passion in there lives... this is a big part of how to keep a woman happy!

I agree...I couldn't give a crap about the money.
It's the sex, the flirting, the innuendos, the's a buildup of a lot of things women like, and what many in ILIASM are missing and craving.

It's the desire. We want to be desired, fundamentally. Don't most people?

Don't forget being a licensed helicopter pilot!!!

Oh Lord! Helicopter pilot too? You've gotta be f@ckin' kidding me! Anyone else here old enough to remember Buckarooo Banzai?

Told ya...Fairy Tale. Tall one at that!

It's simple - Grey is not designed to be realistic. He is designed, like a song lyric, to apply to the largest swath of female desires. Broke? Mr. Grey has money. Not getting attention? Mr. Gery Gives attention. Didn't marry a mensa? Mr. Grey is so smart. Not enough spice in the bedroom? Mr. grey has extra spice! Think of it like this: the author sat down and made a list of what the character should be like. On that list was included every thing that makes a man desirable. It's basically mass market appeal. Which, by the way, I totally approve of.

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I think that as a fairy tale, Fifty was awesome, but it still WAS a fairy tale...

Yes, there are affairs to be had--even affairs with an element of D/s, but they are hardly ever "just" sex, unless you're looking for a one night stand. Which is okay, too, but if you want a no-strings thing, you are going to realize that all relationships come with some "strings" eventually.

Good luck, Fifty is a hard fairy-tale to beat. Or be beaten by.

Yes that is what I am learning as I research and process having an affair lol I do think i would like a one night stand but not sure if I could handle it... from what i have been reading one usually gets very emotionally attached with whom ever they cheat with...I personally dont want a relationship with anyone else... just want to fulfill some needs...

Couldn't have said it better. I was waiting for you to eventually post, given our book discussions :)

You know I loves me some naughty books ;-)

And the more kinky-fuckery the better, lolz

Well, of course.
*twitchy palm*

Laters, baby


Ultimatly all I want is my husband to satisfy all my needs... however when those needs arent getting met and one gets constantly rejected it does a tole on there mental health... my thoughts are if we are both open and this can help me get my needs met without me developing an immense hate for the man I love then I am all for it.. however we both need to be on the same page and very open and honest about how we will go about this

Even friendship is a string of sorts...certianly a *feeling*. I'm not knocking it...don't get me wrong! I just think any relationship is going to have its strings eventually. What those strings are and how they're delt with can vary hugely.

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Suit up brother Cumbersome.

You're going in !!!!!

Tread your own path.


Oooh Christian Grey...Mmmm...I wish there was a real one. Good Lord. *fans self*