Second Verse...same As The First.

Hello everyone, I decided since I've been here since 2008, it's high time I introduced myself! I feel like I know most of you. I've been lurking here, reading, crying, cheering some of you on and secretly sharing in all of your stories, both good and bad. I'll make this short and sweet since its the typical sm story. Got married in 1998. Dated off and on for many years before that. All told we've known each other 20 years. I didn't see any problem with our sex life until about 8 years ago when it suddenly occurred to me we hadn't had sex in weeks. I brought it up, he had the excuses....stress, work, blah blah and we got back on track.....for a while. Then the next time I thought "WTH! It's been 3 months"! I brought it up, he made the excuses and this time he went to the doctor to see about his low libido. They found nothing wrong, we got back on track again. See the pattern? Yeah, me too. This has been going on for years with the time in between getting longer and longer. It's now been a year and a half......and I'm done. I was always the one to bring it up. I told myself long ago when it gets to the point where "I" am no longer willing to talk about it, I'll know that's it-that's my turning point. So now I'm making my exit plan. Maintaining the status quo until I'm financially able to leave. He has no idea. I'm sure he's perfectly content to not have to have the "conversation" yet again...
I see a lot of talk about leaving the bedroom and sleeping in another room, becoming room-mates and what not. In my situation all this is alleviated by the fact that he's a truck driver. Gone mon-fri and sometimes 2 weeks at a (GLORIOUS) time. So I sleep alone for the most part anyways. Even when he's here he stays on his side of the bed. There's a nice invisible wall between our sides of the bed. This has made the waiting for the departure so much easier.
There's so much more to this but I'll leave that for other posts. Thanks for listening my little secret SM family!
jaimie42 jaimie42
46-50, F
10 Responses Jul 5, 2012

Ok I changed my avatar picture, not sure what that was all about! Thank you all so much for your comments. I was thinking about you guys last night. Part of my exit strategy has been to save cash. Not easy to do since I don't work outside the home. Im a crafter and sell my items online and my proceeds go straight into my PayPal account which only I have access too. So when I do get some extra cash I put it in a little metal lockbox hidden in my craft room. I had an extra $10 to squirrel away in there last night which always leaves me feeling like Julia Roberts in that movie "sleeping with the enemy"! Lol...

stay strong, keep on track building an exit plan and don't give up hope that the right person is out there waiting for you~

I will offer you praise and comments if you change your avatar picture.

Yes, the Destiny Kitty picture is kind of disturbing, isn't it?

I'm glad you posted your story. I'm sorry about your situation, but I'm glad you see things more clearly quicker than some of us do or have. Stay strong.

I guess I'm naive, or an idiot but I can't fathom a man doing that. I have read many stories here but I still can't understand it. I guess I'm so sucked into the stereotype of the woman not willing to "put out" because that's been my experience. Again, I'm sorry for your loss.

One life to live... I vote for living it with passion and intimacy. Be well.

Lol, kinda like a ninja! I didn't post because I'm more of a reader, take it all in and learn something dammit! kind of girl. The most astonishing thing I came to recognize was the abuse angle to all of this. I am being abused and that truly sucks. My first marriage lasted 5 years and was horribly physically abusive. I vowed never to let that happen again but abuse comes in many forms and this is not one that I was familiar with. I think this kind of abuse is worse. It's a mental mind ****.

2008 !! Gee, you are a veteran here MsJ.<br />
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Hope your exit plan reaches do-able status real soon.<br />
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Tread your own path.

Thanks for your post. I need to do the same as you. I have not had my wife in bed with me just to sleep so I won't miss her as far as that goes. I layed around all day yesterday as she slept all day till 5 pm. It's like I am here by myself most of the time anyway. Nice observation.

Thank you DeGracia for those are kind words! No offense at all :) He's not doing me any favors, I'm doing it myself! I have learned here to be kind to myself. That I am worthy of a healthy, full of sex relationship. I spent so much time wondering what I did wrong, dwelling, playing the blame game and grieving. It's very freeing to let all that go focus on what's to come. Every Sunday evening, when he leaves I breathe deep and say to myself "THIS is what it will feel like to live alone" and it excites me! I'm ready. I was never one to mind being alone anyways......I just never thought I would be alone in a marriage too.